Girl at Party: You've got a great figure. Peggy Gordon: Thank you. You too. Girl at Party: Is that a padded bra? Peggy Gordon: No, this is all me. Girl at Party: God. Peggy Gordon: You should try a padded bra. Girl at Party: I have one on. Matt Johnson: I don't wanna be a star. Have my picture in magazines, have a bunch of kids looking up to me. I'm a drunk, Bear, a screw up. I just surf cause its good to go out and ride with your friends. I don't even have that anymore. [Waxer pretends to be homosexual to avoid being drafted] Sergeant: Are you a homosexual? Waxer: Well, I guess I am. I wrote it down, "Homosexual Tendencies: Yes." Yes. Sergeant: Well, you're just gonna love it in the United States Army. There's lots of men there. And they get real close in foxholes and tanks, and in combat. Get him out of here and process him in the Marine Corps. Waxer: If you send me to Vietnam, I'll just die. [Leroy the Masochist pretends to be insane to avoid being drafted] Psychologist: I see here they call you a masochist. Leroy the Masochist: I like pain. Psychologist: Can you be specific? What kind of pain do you like? Leroy the Masochist: Any kind of pain. Psychologist: Such as? Leroy the Masochist: I like fights, I've dove through windows, I've eaten light bulbs, I like sharks, any kind of blood. If you gave me a gun, I'd shoot you in the face just to see what it looked like when the bullet hit. Matt Johnson: You know, Mrs. Barlow, there's something I'd like straighten out. Mrs. Barlow: What's that, Matt? Matt Johnson: Well, I did a lot of things around here I'm kind of ashamed of. I tore up your lawn with my '40 Ford... Mrs. Barlow: Many times. Matt Johnson: Took my pants off in front of your friends... Mrs. Barlow: Oh, yes. Matt Johnson: And I even passed out in your closet, but I never, and I don't know who could have if I didn't, but I never, and I repeat never, ever pissed in your steam iron. Bear: That's the lemon next to the pie. Leroy the Masochist: Why don't you get back to Burbank! Spectator: Hey, do you surf, man? Are you a surfer? Bear:
Oh, no... Not me, I'm just a garbage man.
Leroy the Masochist: He ain't no hodad Squidlips! Leroy the Masochist: More beer! Narrator, Fly: Stay casual, Barlow.