advertisement [the teaser of the very first episode, "Matt Gets It."] John Wayne: Good evening. My name's Wayne. Some of you may have seen me before. I hope so. I've been kicking around Hollywood a long time. I've made a lot of pictures out here. All kinds. Some of them have been westerns and that's what I'm here to tell you about tonight. A western. A new television show called "Gunsmoke". When I first heard about the show "Gunsmoke", I knew there was only one man to play in it. James Arness. He's a young fellow, and maybe new to some of you. But I've worked with him and I predict he'll be a big star. And now I'm proud to present "Gunsmoke". Kitty Russell: Matt, you can't account for everything that happens to people who touch you. You know, I learned a long time ago, there are some things in this life that you just accept the way they are. U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: That's pretty deep for a redhead. Kitty Russell: I'm a pretty deep redhead. Festus Haggen: Don't you think somebody oughta reckon with him, Matthew? U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: What did you say his name was again, Festus? Festus Haggen: I think its Sinclair... Jack Sinclair. U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: He's got no left hand? Festus Haggen: That's right. Anyways, don't you think somebody ought to go reckon with him? U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: No! Festus Haggen: Why not, Matthew? U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: Because it was my bullet that took his hand! Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll tell you why the Hagens live so long. Festus Haggen: Why? Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: 'Cause they're too dumb to know they're dead! U.S. Marshal Matt Dillon: [to any man seemingly planning to go gunning for somebody.] If you're gonna to use that gun, you better start on me. Louie Pheeters: [sitting at the bar in episode "Slocum"] Excepting some women, of course, just ain't nothing prettier than a full bottle. Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: [Festus offers to buy Doc a beer with a silver dollar that he earned from shoeing horses in episode "Whelan's Men".] Why don't you take that money and invest it in something? Why don't you do that? Festus Haggen: Invest it in what? Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: There's wonderful land values outside of Dodge. Now why don't you go out there someplace, look around, and buy yourself a lot? Festus Haggen: A lot of what? Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: A lot! A lot of land! Festus Haggen: Well fiddle, I can't afford to buy a lot of land. You probably could the way you've been a bilking and gouging... Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Oh, hush up! I'm trying to help you, for heaven sakes. It don't cost a whole lot to buy a little lot. Festus Haggen: What do you mean it don't cost a whole lot to buy a little, or a whole lot to buy a lot, what do you mean? Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Well, I mean,... a little lot of land! Festus Haggen: But there ain't no such a thing. A little's a little, and a lot's a lot, there ain't no little lot, or lot of little, don't you see? Now you want that beer or don't you? Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: No I'm... I'm all worn out. Festus Haggen: [and as Doc walks away Festus Hollers] If you change your mind me and Newly will be over at the Longbranch having a whole lot of little beers. [Chuckles and flips his silver dollar] Festus Haggen: Now I'm buying.