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Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[speaking to a patient]
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3d
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Portwenn has one doctor and 966 people who know better.
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Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Is there anyone here who has a genuine medical problem?
Louisa Glasson:
I got involved in a surfing club of all things. I think what clinched it was the kids saying I'm too old.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Nonsense. People of all ages go surfing.
Louisa Glasson:
You should come along. It'd be nice to see you out of that suit and in a wet... suit...
Elaine Denham:
How come you never asked me out, then?
Al Large:
Well, there was you and Greg.
Elaine Denham:
Also, you were a bit of a non.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Ah, Elaine. Any chance of making me a cup of tea?
Elaine Denham:
Make it yourself. I'm not the tea girl.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
As you can see, I have patients waiting.
Elaine Denham:
Well, best go faster then.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
White, no sugar.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
What do you want Adrian?
Adrian Pitts:
I want you to put in a word for me with Chris Parsons. You see, Faulkner is about to move on.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
And you're ready to step up?
Adrian Pitts:
Yes, but I'm getting some resistance from Chris Parsons. Since you two are mates I wondered if you might give him a call.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
I've spoken to Chris. He rang me. He thinks you're an arse. I think you're an arse too. Enjoy your weekend.
[Adrian storms out]
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Arse.
Elaine Denham:
I'm sorry. I cannot tolerate imbeciles.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Elaine, when we agreed you'd start at 30 you did realise I meant a.m.
Elaine Denham:
Buying biscuits at the supermarket, right, and this bimbo won't let me through on six items or less. All baps up to here and stick-on nails she was. Get this -
[imitates the check-out girl]
Elaine Denham:
"Sorry. Six items or less".
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
And you had?
Elaine Denham:
20, but that's not the point.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Hello, Fenn, how are you?
Louisa Glasson:
Don't you think it's a little late for the concerned routine?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
What in God's name are you...?
Louisa Glasson:
When you have precisely one patient I'd think you'd want to visit him in hospital. No, Roger, don't try and speak.
Roger Fenn:
[very hoarse] He *did* come and see me. Depressed the hell out of me.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
It was mutual.
Louisa Glasson:
Well...
[to Martin]
Louisa Glasson:
You cou
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ld've told me.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
I tried to, but that woman shushed me.
Louisa Glasson:
This is Miss Glasson from the school, Mrs Richards. I'm just checking on Bobby. Oh, dear, well, I'm sure the doctor will, he's...
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[grabs phone from Louisa] Mrs Richards? Dr Ellingham here. Is his temperature still elevated? Right, I'm on my way, what's the address? Yep. Yep. I'll be with you in 15 minutes.
Louisa Glasson:
Half an hour.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
30 minutes. Goodbye.
[to Louisa]
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Do you know where the...
Louisa Glasson:
Map.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Thanks.
Bert Large:
Son, I know it's your phone bill and you've got your own money coming in, but those mobile phones damage your head membranes.
Al Large:
Dad, I've got Bluetooth.
Bert Large:
There you go, exactly my point.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Can you give me his phone number then, please?
Pauline Lamb:
No. Don't have it.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Remind me what your job is again?
Pauline Lamb:
He didn't leave a number. He left in a rush, looking like a frightened rabbit. Like all your patients, actually.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[on telephone] Richard Morris, ENT. Dr Ellingham, I have a patient who needs an urgent laryngoscopy. Yes, that is my opinion.
[to the dog who is rooting around in the bin]
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Stop it. Stop it! Well, because I'm a doctor and he's a smoker with a lump in his neck. Would you like the tumour to write to you?
[the dog now has his head in the bin]
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[shouts] Will you get out of that bin!
Patient:
And you reckon these will work, do you?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
No - I just prescribe them for fun.
Louisa Glasson:
Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude surface you're... gruff, monosyllabic and, well, rude.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Pauline, I can't have patients' records filed under their first names.
Pauline Lamb:
It was good enough in Newlyn.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Well, what kind of surgery was it? A vets?
Pauline Lamb:
Still a surgery.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
All right, Caroline, I'm going to give you an injection.
Danny Steel:
[gets down on one knee, hands clasped together] I'm saying a prayer for you, Caroline.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[eyeing Danny] Just a little prick.
Louisa Glasson<
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/b>:
Martin, there are twenty things that are crap about you.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Thank you.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[answering phone] Ellingham?
[to Elaine]
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
It's for you.
Elaine Denham:
I'm not here.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Elaine's not here.
Elaine Denham:
Hang on. Is that Greg?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Are you Greg? Elaine for you.
Elaine Denham:
[whispers] I'm not talking to Greg.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Bert, it's been a long day. Take two aspirin and insult me in the morning.
Joan Norton:
Look, Marty, you do realise that the villagers are dusting off their pitchforks, don't you?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
Yes. Exactly how many generations ago did the inbreeding start with these people?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:
[Recurring, exasperated phrase] It's not my dog.
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