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Maxine:
Where do you find your inspiration?
Jodie Foster:
Under my seat occasionally.
Maybeline:
[to Migule Arteta about Jake Gyllenhaal] Why don't you direct him to love me.
Jake Gyllenhaal:
Have some independent spirit, all right!
Adam Carolla:
I wouldn't say this on the radio but I'm gay actually.
Dave Attell:
There are no nice women in bars anymore, they're all dirty skanks.
Gundealer:
Curtis is looking to make an artistic statement with his suicide.
Gundealer #3:
Van Gogh would go with a Glock, ten-millimeter, caseless rounds, titanium action.
Kevin's Father:
Marriage is a cooperative... you suffer together: I want you to hurt like I do.
Kevin's Father:
We're all in crisis, any one of us could be divorced at any minute, married or not.
Mr. Mooker:
Did you get any nookie at lunch? No. I can tell from your attitude.
Maxine Helms:
So what's your favorite movie?
Roger Ebert:
Citizen Kane.
Maxine Helms:
That's playing here?
Roger Ebert:
No.
Kevin Prouse:
You ready to light the world up?
Kevin's Father:
Life is a clambake, and you my friend are allergic to clams.
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