Castor Troy:
You watch your FUCKING mouth!
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[after waking from his coma and watching a video of his surgery]
Castor Troy:
Hello, Doctor. I hope you don't mind: I took a few of your groovy painkillers. I'm just enjoying some of your greatest hits here. Oh God, this is excellent. Oh, bravo. Bra-fucking-vo.
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Dietrich:
Hey Sean, how's your dead son?
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Castor Troy:
Well, I've gotta go. I've got a government job to abuse, and a lonely wife to fuck.
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Castor Troy:
If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.
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Dietrich:
You look like you just fucked your mother.
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Sean Archer:
Any word from the LAPD intelligence? If there IS such a thing?
Loomis:
Not yet, sir.
Sean Archer:
Of course not, because we're a covert anti-terrorist team that is so secret, that when we snap our fingers NOTHING HAPPENS!
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Castor Troy:
Isn't this religious, ah yes. The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinners... but you are still not having fun.
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Sean Archer:
I want to take his face... off. Eyes, nose, skin, teeth. It's coming off.
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Castor Troy:
No daughter of mine would shoot so wide.
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Sean Archer:
When we put this thing away, you can brand the fourth amendment on my butt.
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Castor Troy:
I'm about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell"-A. deserves.
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[Sean Archer and Castor Troy, each wearing the other's face, meet]
Castor Troy:
It's like looking in a mirror. Only... not.
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[Troy and Archer see each other for the first time with each other's faces]
Castor Troy:
Wooowhee. You good lookin'
[approaches Archer]
Castor Troy:
It's like looking in a mirror, only, not.
Sean Archer:
Castor? But, you were, in, in...
Castor Troy:
In a coma? Nothing like having your face cut off to disturb your sleep. Read the newspaper lately?
[shows him the newspaper with Dr. Walsh's picture]
Sean Archer:
You...
Castor Troy:
Yes, I did. It beats paying the bill doesn't it? You know, a face lift costs about 5 grand.
[shows Archer his wedding ring]
Castor Troy:
See anything you like?
[the scene goes to Castor and his gang killing Dr. Walsh and Tito by burning them]
Castor Troy:
Yes. I have personally torched all the evidence that proves that you are you. So, wow. Looks like you're going to be in here for
[looks at his watch]
Castor Troy:
[In a na-na style] The next hundered years. I have got to go. I got a goverment job to abuse.
[in Archer's ear]
Castor Troy:
I got a lonely wife to fuck. Whoops did I just say that? Oh, oh I really missed that face
[tries to bite his own face off of Archer then, Archer pins him while the guards subdue Archer]
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Castor Troy:
You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa's got a brand new bag.
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Sean Archer:
[as Castor Troy] This is between us. Leave them out of it.
Castor Troy:
[as Sean Archer] No. You should have left them out of it. Your son was an accident. I wanted to kill you. But, you took it too personally. Why could'nt you just kill yourself or let it go?
Sean Archer:
[as Castor Troy] No father could.
Castor Troy:
[as Sean Archer] No brother could either.
Sasha Hassler:
[coming in] Neither could a sister.
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Jamie Archer:
Dad, I'm sorry I shot you.
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Castor Troy:
Hello? This is Sean Archer.
Sean Archer:
Well, if you are Sean Archer, then I must be Castor Troy.
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Castor Troy:
I AM Castor Troy!
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Sean Archer:
The man you think is your husband is not your husband.
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Sean Archer:
I'm not afraid to die.
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Castor Troy:
You're not having anymore fun, are you Sean?
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Castor Troy:
Interception! Now our side's got the ball. Sorry!
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Sean Archer:
I am your father!
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Sean Archer:
[after seeing Castor bringing in Archer's Wife] This is between you and me. Leave them out of it.
Castor Troy:
No. Sean. "You" should have left them out of it. Your son was an accident. I wanted to kill you. But, you took it so personally. Why could'nt you balme yourself or let it go?
Sean Archer:
No father could.
Castor Troy:
No brother could either.
Sasha Hassler:
[coming in the middle of the fight] Neither could a sister.
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Castor Troy:
I hate to see you go, but I LOVE to watch you leave.
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Castor Troy:
You're not the only one in the family with the brains.
Pollux Troy:
No, although now I am the only one with the looks.
Castor Troy:
Touche.
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Castor Troy:
Lies, deceit, mixed messages... this is turning into a real marriage.
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Castor Troy:
I don't know what I hate wearing worse: your face or your body. I mean I certainly do enjoy boning your wife, but let's face it, we both like it better the other way, yes? So why don't we trade back.
Sean Archer:
You can't give back what you've taken from me.
Castor Troy:
OK, then... plan B, why don't we just kill each other?
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Castor Troy:
Y'know, I could eat a peach for hours.
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Dietrich:
No more drugs for that man.
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Castor Troy:
Wheee. What a predicament.
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Castor Troy:
Ohhhhhhhhweeee, you good-lookin.
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Castor Troy:
If I were to send you flowers where would I... no, let me rephrase that. If I were to let you suck my tongue, would you be grateful?
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Dietrich:
God damn. My place is getting FUCKED up.
Castor Troy:
Ha HA HA HA HA Ha!
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[a faceless Castor Troy confronts Dr. Walsh after waking from a coma]
Dr. Malcolm Walsh:
What do you want?
Castor Troy:
Take one goddamn guess.
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Walton:
You are now the property of Erewhon Prison. A citizen of nowhere. The Geneva Convention is void here; Amnesty International doesn't know we exist. When I say your ass belongs to me, I mean exactly that.
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Castor Troy:
You are right, Sean. I misbehaved. I have to be punished. But remember... Every time when you look in the mirror, you'll see my face.
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[Tito, Sean Archer's best friend was killed by Castor Troy]
Buzz:
Listen, sir... we just want you to know...
Wanda:
We're all really sorry about Tito.
Castor Troy:
[as Sean Archer] Yeah, well, shit happens.
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Dr. Eve Archer:
Happy Birthday, Mikey. He took our baby, Sean. He took our little boy.
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Castor Troy:
When all else fails - fresh tactics!
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Jamie Archer:
Please tell me what planet I'm on!
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Castor Troy:
Sasha, what the *fuck*... are you doing here?
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Burke Hicks:
Don't you remember the little people?
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Castor Troy:
I'm ready, ready for the big ride baby!
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Castor Troy:
Well, you're gonna have to shoot me, 'cause I don't really give a fuck!
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Castor Troy:
[after saving Archers daughter from help boyfriend raping her] Do you have protection?
Jamie Archer:
Protection? You mean like condoms?
Castor Troy:
[pulls out his switchblade] No. Protection. Next time, let Carl drop his pants, slip this in his thigh, turn it. That way the wound won't close...
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Castor Troy:
I torched *all* the evidence that proves you're you. So, like, WOW! Looks like you're gonna be in here for...
[looks at his watch]
Castor Troy:
[in a childish na-na tone] THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!
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Pollux Troy:
Seeing that face on you makes me afraid my tiramisu might come back up.
Castor Troy:
Well, think about me. This nose. This hair. This ridiculous chin.
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Castor Troy:
[as Sean Archer] Sasha, baby, I'm Castor. That's Archer.
Sasha Hassler:
And I'm bored.
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Castor Troy:
[holding his gun at Archer] Wow. We have something in common. We both know our guns.
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Dr. Eve Archer:
Well, Sean, I knew it only a matter of time before you forgot where we lived.
Sean Archer:
Come on, gimme a break, every house on this block looks the same.
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Loomis:
Sir why are you so upset? It's just Pollux Troy.
[Troy blow's Loomis' head off]
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Castor Troy:
[holding onto 'Archer's' neck, having him bent over] "Die...! Die...!"
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Castor Troy:
[looking at Jamie in her underwear]
[to himself]
Castor Troy:
The plot thickens.
Jamie Archer:
[on the phone] Carl, I'll have to call you back.
[hangs up]
Jamie Archer:
You're not respecting my bounderies.
Castor Troy:
I'm coming in, Janie.
Jamie Archer:
Janie?
Castor Troy:
[seeing a pillow that says Jamie on it, he realizes his mistake] I don't think you heard me, JAMIE. You got something I crave.
[closes in on Jamie, reaches back and grabs her pack of cigarettes]
Jamie Archer:
Danielle left those here.
Castor Troy:
I won't tell mom if you don't.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it]
Jamie Archer:
When did you start smoking?
Castor Troy:
You'll be seeing a lot of changes around here.
[blows smoke rings at Jamie]
Castor Troy:
Papa's got a brand new bag. OW!
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Pollux Troy:
[Not realizing that he is talking with Sean Archer with Troy's face] What's the matter, you don't seem like yourself.
Sean Archer:
[Trying to act like Troy] Bro. I am soooo fried. I don't know ahy that yeti jumped me the other day.
Pollux Troy:
Who? Dubov?
Sean Archer:
Yeah.
Pollux Troy:
I though you remembered. You had a sex sandwich with his wife and his sister the night he was send here.
Sean Archer:
Well, that explains why he was upset. But we're gonna blow up L.A. I mean our bomb is a work of art, it should be in the Louvre.
Pollux Troy:
Oh well, I guess that the L.A. convention center will have to do.
Sean Archer:
[rejoices as Pollux just revealed the location of the bomb] Oh, bro. You are so fuckin' pathetic.
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Castor Troy:
[Both have each other at gun point] Wow. We have something in common. We both know our guns.
Sean Archer:
But what we don't have. Is that I don't care if I live, you do.
Castor Troy:
Hey, that hurts Sean. You know, why don't you join me anyway it's more fun that way you can blow some shit up, it's more fun.
Sean Archer:
Shut the fuck up!
Castor Troy:
You watch your fuckin' mouth! Maybe I should tell you this. I'm about to unleash the biblical plague hell-A deserves.
Sean Archer:
[Not believing what troy is saying] Bullshit.
Castor Troy:
Oh, no? Oh, you think I'm bluffing, oh yeah. Maybe I'm right. Besides, what are you gonna do with me locked up? You'll drive your wife and kid crazy. Oh by the way, how is your daughter, Janie? Well she is, you know...
[Making barking noises and pulls the trigger on the gun and realizes that he is out of bullets, and falls to his knees]
Castor Troy:
I'm scared, Sean. Well, I think you better pull the trigger Sean, because I really don;t give a fuck.
[singing]
Castor Troy:
Ready, ready for the big ride, baby!
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Wanda:
You turned your beeper off.
Castor Troy:
[as Archer] Yes, well... my son's birthday.
Wanda:
Well, here's some poetic justice, sir... Castor Troy's dead.
Agent:
He got killed trying to escape from Erewhon.
Castor Troy:
[as Archer] Where's his body? I want to see his body.
Wanda:
It hasn't been recovered yet.
Castor Troy:
[as Archer... shouting] "It hasn't been recovered yet"? Get the LAPD on this!
Wanda:
Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.
Castor Troy:
[as Archer... sighs] You must... you must trust me. He's already here.
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Castor Troy:
[as Archer... after Archer's call requesting Lazarro is forwarded to him] Sean Archer here, who's calling?
Sean Archer:
[as Troy] Well if you're Sean Archer, I guess I'm Castor Troy.
[hangs up]
Castor Troy:
[as Archer] Ah, yes.
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Castor Troy:
I'm Castor Fucking Troy!
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