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Marcus:
The word "can't" isn't even in my vocabulary.
Yvette:
Along with most of the other words in the English language.
TJ Henderson:
I'll try to be more sensitive to the fact that you're dumber than me.
Marcus:
That's all I ask!
Mackey:
I gotta get this hat to make me look cool.
[turns his hat to the right]
Mackey:
This is the way they're wearing it right? 'Bout it, 'Bout it.
Yvette:
I answered the phone. I'm sick I need help.
Mackey:
Hey, I know it's cold now, but maybe in summer we could go swimming.
Yvette:
Why are you talking to me?
Mackey:
'Cause you're almost nude in this photo.
Floyd:
You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will NEVER understand women.
Floyd:
How much coffee did you drink, anyway?
TJ Henderson:
I feel like that Nazi on Indiana Jones, right before his head melted!
Yvette:
Dad! You promised you weren't gonna come down here and binge on cake anymore!
Floyd:
You want some some?
Yvette:
Yeah.
Floyd:
Grab a spoon.
Pete Gilroy:
[Yvette walks in on a conversation, not knowing it's about a dog] My Grandson's not only a terrific runner, he's really smart too.
Yvette:
Oh, well maybe he and TJ can hang out together. Is he around TJ's age?
Pete Gilroy:
Well, I don't know, how old are you?
T.J.:
Almost ten, sir.
Pete Gilroy:
Oh, no, he'd be long dead by then.
Yvette:
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Pete Gilroy:
When they're as abnormally large as my Grandson, their hearts tend to crap out.
Yvette:
[crying] I'm going to do the dishes!
Mr. Basil Militich:
T.J. You're not in elementry school anymore. You're in highschool. You've got to learn some self-control.
TJ Henderson:
Yeah but I have so many ideas in my head that they just come flowing out.
Mr. Basil Militich:
Yes I know.
[after writing a threatening letter to the president, TJ is concerned about goverment agents checking up on him]
Mr. Basil Militich:
They wanted to know about what kinds of friends you have.
TJ Henderson:
And what did you tell them?
Mr. Basil Militich:
I said that you kept to yourself most of the time, a bit of a loner.
TJ Henderson:
Oh, thanks a lot! Why didn't you just tell them I'm president of the Saddam Hussein fanclub?
Mr. Basil Militich:
...Are you?
TJ Henderson:
No!
Mr. Basil Militich:
They were also interested in the books you checked out. By the way, why did you check out that book on gunpowder?
TJ Henderson:
It was for science, I was building a volcano!
Mr. Basil Militich:
I told them you must be fascinated by explosives. Boom!
Marcus:
Don't get us wrong, we care about the environment.
Morris L. 'Mo' Tibbs:
Give a hoot, don't pollute.
Marcus:
But we're not gonna drink something that tastes like vinegar, just so some chipmunks somewhere can live an extra couple of weeks.
TJ Henderson:
[temporarily stupid, to his dad] Hey, did you know that if you rearrange the letters in your name, they spell "Flody"? Floyd, Flody... Flody, Flody, Flody!
Floyd:
[about a teacher] He confiscated your computer?
TJ Henderson:
Yeah. He says if I want it back you have to sign this
[hands Floyd a note and Floyd signs it]
Marcus:
[about his own slip] What about mine?
Floyd:
Oh yeah
[he crumbles it up]
Marcus:
Hey!
TJ Henderson:
Well TJ was in pursuit of knowledge. You're in pursuit of a hat that makes you look like a bananna.
Marcus:
[TJ comes out of the bathroom after throwing up] How are you feeling?
TJ Henderson:
Lettuce came out my nose, how do you think I feel?
Marcus:
Did you eat lettuce?
TJ Henderson:
No.
[about a girl he is tutoring]
TJ Henderson:
She's smart, pretty and funny...
Floyd:
Aw...
TJ Henderson:
"Aw" what?
Floyd:
You like her.
TJ Henderson:
Sure, I'm tutoring her.
Floyd:
No, I mean, you *really* like her.
TJ Henderson:
[disgusted] Me? A girl?
[TJ turns to leave]
TJ Henderson:
Ew!
[he leaves]
Floyd:
He's got it bad!
Floyd:
[after Yvette considers getting plastic surgery] I've been thinking about breasts all night.
Yvette:
[Stares at her father with a odd expression]
Floyd:
Um, I mean yours.
Yvette:
[Continues to stare]
Floyd:
Um, I mean big ones.
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