[from trailer] Lonnie: Why is everybody gotta be so freakin' stupid these days? Ian: Roger, I used to be just like you. But look at me now, I'm awesome! I run this entire place. I'm dating TWO Asian chicks! Dr. P: There are two kinds of men in the world; those who run shit, like me, and those who eat shit, like you. Roger: What now, bitch? Roger: Who's the lion now, bitch! Dr. P: How many of you have self-help books? Okay that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your self sucks! [repeated line] Dr. P: Lie, lie, and lie some more. Dr. P: [to the class] If that's why your here then just get the fuck out of here. Becky: Congratulations, you are fat. Would you like a fat medal? Lesher: Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white. Roger: Sorry. Lesher: Sorry doesn't make it manila. Eli: [when he grabs his paintball gun] It says here that the shooter must maintain a 100-yard distance from target. Dr. P: [shoots Eli in the chest] Anyone else wanna read their gun? Lesher: [during date-training, after Walsh whistles] Keep whistling and I'll bite those lips right off your goddamn face! Dr. P: This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar. If you're looking for 'Chicken Soup for the Soul', get the hell outta here! Zack: [when Roger's beeper goes off] What is he, a pimp now? Dr. P: Every once in a while a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know hes worthy of leading him. Roger: Well you know what, I dont want to be a shepherd any more! Dr. P: Your not the shepherd DUMB ASS! Im the shepherd. Its called an analogy moron. Roger: Look you dont understand everything was going so well between us. Dr. P: Well clearly, Im sure your just days away from adopting a chinese kid together.