总统乔·斯特顿(丹尼斯·奎德 饰)四年任职期满，面临着紧张的再次选举。这天早上，他突发兴致地阅读起报纸来，这一举动可吓坏了第一夫人(马西亚·海顿 饰)和参谋长(威廉·达福 饰)，要知道斯特顿四年来从未自己翻阅过报纸。 果不其然，看到报纸上白纸黑字对...更多>
President Staton: Did you know there are two kinds of Iraqistanis? [the First Lady holds up three fingers] President Staton: I mean, actually, three? Chief of Staff: You mean Sunnis and Shi'ites and Kurds? President Staton: You knew about this? [from trailer] Martin Tweed: That's weird, one can become quite detached from reality when one's famous. Sally Kendoo: That sounds so cool. [from trailer] Agha Babur: You must get to the championship round. When you are on stage with the president, you will have smuggled in an explosive. Omer: What if I don't make it to the final round? Agha Babur: Folks don't call me the torturer because I *don't* like to torture people. Martin Tweed: Jessica, you make me feel like being a better person and I'm not a better person. I'm me. Jessica: [Opening Lines] [after Martin receives a fax showing American Dreamz as the top rated show] Jessica: How are the numbers? Martin Tweed: Incredible. [chuckles] Martin Tweed: Absolutely incredible. Jessica: Congratulations. [pause] Jessica: I'm leaving you. [long pause] Jessica: Did you hear what I said? I'm leaving you. Martin Tweed: [still staring at the fax] Yeah, I heard. Yeah, Yeah Jessica: I'm not kidding. Martin Tweed: I know. [turns and walks toward her] Martin Tweed: Look, I think it's an excellent decision on your part. Jessica: You do? Martin Tweed: You're a fantastic person and the last year's been really great. You're beautiful. The sex has been wonderful. You're kind and supportive. You wait for me with dinner when I work late: you're amazing. And it's driving me out of my *fucking* mind. [she stares in disbelief] Martin Tweed: You know, with numbers like this, this should be the happiest day of my life and instead i have to worry about whether I make *you* happy all the time! [pause, her lip quivers] Martin Tweed: Jessica, sweetheart, you make me feel like being a better person. And I'm not a better person. I'm me. Jessica: [teary-eyed as she walks away] I feel sorry for you.
: Don't. I certainly don't. In fact, I envy myself deeply. Sally Kendoo: Martin, I'm not physically attracted to other people, but if you want me, I'm yours. Reporter: See, people like the whole white trash thing. Martha Kendoo: But we're not white trash. Reporter: I know, but look what it did for Britney Spears. Martin Tweed: I want an Arab. And a Jew. I want an Arab and a Jew. Accordo: How about... An Arab-Jew? Martin Tweed: I think I'm Omar-sexual. Martin Tweed: Am I lovable? Accordo: ...Yes. Yeah. Uh-uh. Yup. Martin Tweed: How about you? Ittles: I love you. That's all I know. President Staton: Maybe it is time I read newspapers. I've learned a lot this morning. It turns out North Korea and Iran are not like Doctor Octopus and Magneto at all... Sally Kendoo: You know... I used to weigh like 200 pounds. But then I told myself if I didn't lose at least 90 pounds before I turned 14, I'd kill myself. Mrs. Kendoo: Hello William. William Williams: Hi Mrs.Kendoo, is Sally there? Mrs. Kendoo: No she's in New York with agents. William Williams: Tell her I joined the army, I miss her and I got her face tattooed on my arm. Sally Kendoo: I think it's time we broke up. Your life is here, [puts her hand low] Sally Kendoo: my life is here [makes a rocket-like motion blasting off] Ali Aziz: [Omer is doing horrible dance moves] What the hell is that? It looks like he stepped on a scorpion. President Staton: It's not like in this country, where whites, and blacks, and Latinos all get along and there's no prejudicial deal between them. I mean these people [in Iraq] President Staton: , they have some longstanding beefs with each other. Chief of Staff: The president and Mr. Putin had a nice talk. The president considers him a close friend, while of course deeply mistrusting his undemocratic tendencies. Reporter: What about the rumours that the president had a nervous breakdown? Chief of Staff: Nervous breakdown? Look fellows, I'd like to remind everyone that we're still at war here. The terrorists are going to exploit any sign of weakness and it's not a question of if, but when they're going to launch a major attack ending life on earth as we know it, so let's just try to keep a positive attitude. First Lady:
[about the re-election]