advertisement P.J. Franklin: [at a bridal shower] We have to go. They're applauding a pan. Stephanie: [excitedly] With a copper core! Bobby Newman: You're putting me at the bottom of the order over a pen? P.J. Franklin: No, I'm putting you at the bottom of the order because you might suck. Kenny Morittori: Wine tasting is really just a classy way for people to get day-drunk. Kenny Morittori: [discussing Brendan's changed attitude] Ever since he got that "Chicago's Sexiest Bachelor" thing, he's been shortening his words. "Waffs" and "Vods." Bobby Newman: Yeah. It's... annoy. P.J. Franklin: Lyssa is a completely different person now. All she wanted to do today is spa and club. Andy Franklin: I like your verbs that are things. I think I'm gonna sandwich after I sofa for a bit. Stephanie: [about P.J.'s date] My God, I just want to break him in two and suck out the middle! P.J. Franklin: C'mon, Stephanie, put it back in your pants. Stephanie: [about P.J. dating Bobby's brother] Listen, you have to run it by Bobby. Brothers tend not to like this kind of thing. Unless they do... and that's weird. Stephanie: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Mike Callahan: [visiting the Art Institute] Of all the places I want to visit, the Art Institute ranks somewhere between ballet and arena football. P.J. Franklin: Hot women hang out at the Art Institute... Mike Callahan: And the Art Institute is moving up! Andy Franklin: [pulls up as a tour guide in a double-decker bus] Ladies and gentlemen, you've been such a wonderful crowd. I'd like to do a little tune for you now. It's one of my personal favorites. And I'd like to dedicate it to a man who thinks he hasn't seen anything good today. Brendan Dorff, this one's for you... Brendan Dorff: Wait, wait! I saw lots of good things today! Mike got into art, Kenny broke out of his slump, 3 guys want to take P.J. to Italy... Andy Franklin: Shut up, I'm singing, anyway. [singing] Andy Franklin: Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen... P.J. Franklin: [Andy is moving to the suburbs] We'll never see you again! Andy Franklin: Then remember me how I am now... young and perky. P.J. Franklin: What kind of relationship do you have if you can't come clean with the person you're with? Stephanie: A relationship that will last. P.J. Franklin: [admitting she slept with Bobby] We both agreed it was a stupid mistake. It just happened. I mean, I don't know why. Stephanie: Good God, I have to tell you why you do everything. P.J. Franklin: *Finally* you understand me! P.J. Franklin: [one of the Cubs is attracted to P.J] I cannot date him. He is a Cub! That is breaking, like, a ton of unwritten journalism rules. Mike Callahan: Unwritten rules were meant to be... written. Kenny Morittori: ...then broken. Mike Callahan: Written, then broken. Thanks, Kenny. I got a little lost there. Mike Callahan: [P.J. is mad because the guys think she got promoted based on her looks] P.J., you're hot and you know sports. It's a novelty. Brendan Dorff: Hot chicks make everything better. Hot chicks and football - -cheerleaders. Mike Callahan: Hot chicks and politics - Sarah Palin. Kenny Morittori: You still think she's hot? Mike Callahan: Dude, it's the glasses. I have a thing for smart chicks. Kenny Morittori: You still think she's smart? Brendan Dorff: [having followed an attractive but crazy woman to Tulsa] That woman is in-SANE! We partied in a quarry. We had sex in a nursing home. I got pushed in a river, we broke into a zoo! I had to take a bus home because somehow she got me on the no-fly list! Bobby Newman: Tulsa has a river? Mike Callahan: [Kenny is constantly updating his Facebook status] Kenny, I didn't need a status update before you went to the bathroom, and I certainly don't need one telling me how it went. Kenny Morittori: My life is an open book. Brendan Dorff: Close it. Andy Franklin: [having to leave the poker game early] I have to go. Meredith wants me to help her shellac a jigsaw puzzle. Unfortunately, that's not a euphemism. Kenny Morittori: [about Bobby's ex-girlfriend] She'd be a fool not to want you. You're looking good these days. And I'm saying that as a man AND a friend. Andy Franklin: And a weirdo.