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Jeff Foxworthy:
Welcome to Blue Collar TV and let me tell you right up front, we are not here to change the world, we're here to make it better.
Dan Grogan:
Come on down to Dan Grogan's House of Gravy where it's all gravy all the time!
Dooley:
I made brown.
Mom:
Ronnie, when someone laughs at you what do you do?
Ronnie:
Hit him?
Mom:
No, use your words remember.
Ronnie:
[Ronnie turns to Blake] I'm going to hit you really hard.
Bill Engvall:
I believe... Angelina Jolie thinks about me as much as I do about her.
Jeff Foxworthy:
But I believe she doesn't on a hotel bed with a towel and a bottle of lotion.
Bill Engvall:
Well, I believe I'm not telling any more secrets.
Larry the Cable Guy:
I believe... guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early do.
Ron White:
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
Ed:
What's the number for 911?
Ron White:
[to the girl filling up his drink] What, are you Mormon, sweetheart? Hit it!
Jeff Foxworthy:
I believe it is not possible to study for a rectal exam.
Ron White:
Especially if you're cramming.
Coach Davis:
The frickin' ball sits on a tee!
Jeff Foxworthy:
[talking about scary things] Like when the name of your trailer park is the same name as the hurricane that's headed towards it. Scary.
Jeff Foxworthy:
[the Redneck dictionary scene for the word, mask. Jeff grabs Bill's shirt collar] M'ask you one more time. Think I can win the costume contest?
Bill Engvall:
Yeah, yeah! First place, you psycho!
Jeff Foxworthy:
M'ask you one more thing. Does this make my butt look fat?
Jeff Foxworthy:
I believe that no matter what anybody says, everybody pees in the pool.
Bill Engvall:
Or in the shower.
Larry the Cable Guy:
Or in the sink.
[Jeff and Bill give him weird looks]
Jeff Foxworthy:
I believe... that's the last time I eat at your house.
Larry the Cable Guy:
Look, I'm a pot head.
[breaks vase]
Bill Engvall:
[the boys work at Benihana's] Okay, ya'll ready to eat?
Japanese man:
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2d
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[subtitled into English]
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No, we are waiting for a bus. Here's your sign.
Larry the Cable Guy:
[during the "things you don't want to hear people say when they first see you naked" thing] Jeez, smoking really does stunt your growth!
Larry the Cable Guy:
[Larry notices a gray hair on his shirt] A gray hair. That can mean one of two things, either I'm gettin' old or I need to stop picking women up at bingo.
Tina Tackett:
Every time, every single time I try bring my family and myself up out of the ditch you drag me back in!
Terry Tackett:
Tina, we live in a ditch! My parents lived in a ditch! Your parents lived in a ditch! We are ditch people!
Uncle Lloyd Tackett:
Amen, brother!
Papaw:
[to Terry Tackett] If you're about to do what I think you're gonna do, I'll slit your throat when you're asleep.
Bill Engvall:
[New Year's resolutions] I resolve to stop wearing women's underwear.
[Jeff moves away from him and next to Larry]
Larry the Cable Guy:
I resolve to start wearing underwear.
[Jeff moves away from Larry]
Ronnie:
[about a present] Who's it to?
Blake:
[reading Ronnie's name on the tag] R-O-N-N-I-E, it says Blake, it's for me.
Larry the Cable Guy:
I believe if I had a dollar for every time my dad told me he loved me... well money ain't really important here.
Larry the Cable Guy:
[talking about scary things] Picture this, a proctologist showing up with a miner's hat and a pick axe.
Larry the Cable Guy:
[about PC fairy tales] It just burns me up!
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