Jeff Foxworthy: Welcome to Blue Collar TV and let me tell you right up front, we are not here to change the world, we're here to make it better. Dan Grogan: Come on down to Dan Grogan's House of Gravy where it's all gravy all the time! Dooley: I made brown. Mom: Ronnie, when someone laughs at you what do you do? Ronnie: Hit him? Mom: No, use your words remember. Ronnie: [Ronnie turns to Blake] I'm going to hit you really hard. Bill Engvall: I believe... Angelina Jolie thinks about me as much as I do about her. Jeff Foxworthy: But I believe she doesn't on a hotel bed with a towel and a bottle of lotion. Bill Engvall: Well, I believe I'm not telling any more secrets. Larry the Cable Guy: I believe... guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early do. Ron White: I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. Ed: What's the number for 911? Ron White: [to the girl filling up his drink] What, are you Mormon, sweetheart? Hit it! Jeff Foxworthy: I believe it is not possible to study for a rectal exam. Ron White: Especially if you're cramming. Coach Davis: The frickin' ball sits on a tee! Jeff Foxworthy: [talking about scary things] Like when the name of your trailer park is the same name as the hurricane that's headed towards it. Scary. Jeff Foxworthy: [the Redneck dictionary scene for the word, mask. Jeff grabs Bill's shirt collar] M'ask you one more time. Think I can win the costume contest? Bill Engvall: Yeah, yeah! First place, you psycho! Jeff Foxworthy: M'ask you one more thing. Does this make my butt look fat? Jeff Foxworthy: I believe that no matter what anybody says, everybody pees in the pool. Bill Engvall: Or in the shower. Larry the Cable Guy: Or in the sink. [Jeff and Bill give him weird looks] Jeff Foxworthy: I believe... that's the last time I eat at your house. Larry the Cable Guy: Look, I'm a pot head. [breaks vase] Bill Engvall: [the boys work at Benihana's] Okay, ya'll ready to eat? Japanese man:
[subtitled into English]
No, we are waiting for a bus. Here's your sign. Larry the Cable Guy: [during the "things you don't want to hear people say when they first see you naked" thing] Jeez, smoking really does stunt your growth! Larry the Cable Guy: [Larry notices a gray hair on his shirt] A gray hair. That can mean one of two things, either I'm gettin' old or I need to stop picking women up at bingo. Tina Tackett: Every time, every single time I try bring my family and myself up out of the ditch you drag me back in! Terry Tackett: Tina, we live in a ditch! My parents lived in a ditch! Your parents lived in a ditch! We are ditch people! Uncle Lloyd Tackett: Amen, brother! Papaw: [to Terry Tackett] If you're about to do what I think you're gonna do, I'll slit your throat when you're asleep. Bill Engvall: [New Year's resolutions] I resolve to stop wearing women's underwear. [Jeff moves away from him and next to Larry] Larry the Cable Guy: I resolve to start wearing underwear. [Jeff moves away from Larry] Ronnie: [about a present] Who's it to? Blake: [reading Ronnie's name on the tag] R-O-N-N-I-E, it says Blake, it's for me. Larry the Cable Guy: I believe if I had a dollar for every time my dad told me he loved me... well money ain't really important here. Larry the Cable Guy: [talking about scary things] Picture this, a proctologist showing up with a miner's hat and a pick axe. Larry the Cable Guy: [about PC fairy tales] It just burns me up!