Mullet Man: That frog, he wasn't liked much around here, covering up the true nature of food with his special sauces and whatnot. Johnny: "Lovelock?" Where the hell is Lovelock? Christian: Lovecock? Johnny, that's your hometown, isn't it? You love cock. Randall Keith Randall: [chorus of song in closing credits] Well, this used to be such a quiet little town / We never had too much trouble around here / Until that spirit was released / And we were haunted by the deceased / And now there's all this crazy shit that's going down here. Sara: What are they doing? David: They're dancing! The Sheriff: Now, hold it there, Doc. How can we be sure you ain't possessed? I mean, hell, I just shot you and you're still standing. Doc Riley: Ah, well, you ain't got me but on my shoulder. The Sheriff: I guess that makes sense. All right, why don't you tell me who won last year's annual cow chip throwing contest. Doc Riley: What? The Sheriff: You heard me. If it is really you, you'd know. Doc Riley: Well, shoot, sheriff, that's kinda a trick question 'cause Lovelock ain't never had an annual cow chip throwing contest. Uh-huh. It alternates every year with the greasy pig catching competition. The Sheriff: Ah, he's okay. All right, Doc, get your ass over here. Johnny: Welcome to our world, Davy. David: Had I known it was going to feel this good to bash your brains in I would have done it a long time ago. Lisa Belmont: Well, you mind telling me what in the Sam Hill is going on around here? The Drifter: I don't think you would believe me if I told you. Lisa Belmont: Friend, after what I've seen tonight you could tell me an evil spirit rose up from the dead and decided to posses the entire town and I would believe you. [the Drifter and Melody look at each other; Lisa rolls her eyes] Lisa Belmont: Well, any of you all know how to stop it? Lisa Belmont: I would love to go with, you all, but I've got to stay here and protect the records. It's my job. Johnny: A little late for heroics, don't you think? Johnny: [with an arrow sticking through his chest] Melody! I'm surprised at you. Aren't you supposed to be all spiritual and non-violent? Melody: Are you... you? Sara: I'm not sure. But I'm sure as shit not one of them. The Sheriff: Well! Ain't you about as handy as a pocket on a shirt. Chef Henri: [after catching one of the guys taking urinating in the yard] Don't ever let me catch your dick in my bush again!