Second Best is the story of five male baby boomers all nearing 50. They graduated from college together, ready to take on the world, but onl...更多>
Elliot: You know, I still can't picture you two having sex. Paula:
Oh, wait a minute! You can't picture me *making love* with my successful, clean-shaven husband, who wears Paul Stuart suits, but you can see me jumping into bed with a guy that I have to lend money to, pay alimony to, who hasn't washed that tee-shirt since, like, Christmas?
Elliot: Chanukah. George: See you, Elliot. Paula: See you, George. [George leaves] Elliot: Bet he never gave you eight orgasms. Paula: Oh Elliot, when are you going to realize sex is only part of a well-integrated life? Besides, half of those were faked. Elliot: Four is not so bad! Elliot: [to gay son Danny] So, ummm: Pussy! What d'ya say? Danny: Uhhh... Elliot: Danny, pussy's not so bad. Just like an asshole, it's smooth, it's silky, AND... it doesn't chafe. Danny: You seem to know a lot about assholes, Pop. Elliot: Been one all my life. Elliot: [reading from his printed leaflet] Okay: The Losingest Loser Bares All. I have an unusually small penis. And while it's okay walking around my bedroom, it's hell in a locker room. Elliot: [reading from his printed leaflet] That was right about the time my beautiful wife Paula was leaving me for the architect who designed the house we could no longer afford. A handsome, athletic man with a six-figure income and a pleasant, respectful manner. [pause] Elliot: I know I'll never get over loving her for the rest of my life. Elliot: [reading from his printed leaflet] So here I am, gang - kicked out of a job and a house, scrounging from my mom, my ex-wife, my son, and guess what: my oldest friend Richard is coming to town, and I beg him to stay with me. Richard has kept his hair, his looks, his money; and pretty much runs Hollywood. You'd think he wouldn't have the time of day for his old buddies back East. You know, he's never once turned his back on me. Not once. Always kind, totally open, lends me money, and never asks for it back. And how do I reciprocate that kind of generosity and friendship? Well to this day I'v hidden a little secret from Richard. In college, when I was dating Allison, before he stole her from me, I fucked the lovely Allison, up the ass, when we had gotten drunk on a pitcher full of frozen strawberry daiquiris, and she came with the most intense shudder I have ever felt. Richard, Richard has kissed my wife, french-kissed her way back when, but he didn't butt-fuck her, like I did his. And I'm so ashamed that I've never told him this before. So there you have it. Elliot Kellman, biggest loser of them all. Richard: Y'know Elliot, how I said that, uh, nothing much ever happened between me and Paula? Well she must've sucked me off a dozen times in the pantry while Allison was playing Legos with the kids in the den. And you, you were outside by the barbecue, making your crummy, lousy, tasteless, overcooked ersatz-mesquite chicken.