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"Phil of the Future"
(2004)
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Keely Teslow:
She's in Indonesia.
Phil Diffy:
You have your latitude and longitude mixed up. She's next to Kid Rock and Ricki Lake.
Keely Teslow:
I know a shortcut through Tiger Woods.
Phil Diffy:
Frankie, does that girl over there strike you as young, Indonesian, and who can't read?
Frankie:
No, but I'll teach her how to read. You know what I'm sayin', Phil?
Phil Diffy:
No, I don't know what you're sayin'.
Phil Diffy:
Well, the Giggle is only designed for one.
Keely Teslow:
We can sit close.
Phil Diffy:
Okay.
[Scoots over so Keely can sit beside him very close]
Keely Teslow:
[her cheek right next to his.] You okay?
Phil Diffy:
[smiles, happy at Keely's closeness.] Uh-uh.
Phil Diffy:
I don't wanna be your girlfriend. I wanna be your *boy*friend.
[stops startled and off Keely's equally surprised look]
Phil Diffy:
I mean, your friend . . . who's a boy. A guy. A guy friend.
Keely Teslow:
Why didn't you tell me?
Phil Diffy:
I didn't know how.
Keely Teslow:
Phil, you can tell me anything.
[takes him by his shoulders]
Keely Teslow:
I'm your girlfriend. I, I, I mean . . . your friend who's a girl. A gal. A gal friend.
Bradley Benjamin Farmer:
[to officer] She only had one name, Pim... tall, long blonde hair... yet strangely attractive.
[realising the officer is still writing]
Bradley Benjamin Farmer:
Hey, don't write that!
Keely Teslow:
I can't stand her! I wish a building would fall on here! I wish she'd get stung by a fifty-pound bee!
Keely Teslow:
[switching to Phil's bedroom, Phil playing drums] I wish a dog would mistake her for a fire hydrant! I wish the US Women's Soccer team would use her as a football!
Phil Diffy:
Hey, how about being run over by a steam roller?
Keely Teslow:
[giving him a look] Phil, grow up!
Keely Teslow:
[to Phil] Um, too many people!
Phil Diffy:
Uh, Mom, Dad?
Lloyd Diffy:
But it's my house!
Bradley Benjamin Farmer:
I think that's more the woman's job. Surely you know how it is, Mr. Diffy?
Lloyd Diffy:
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20
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[chuckling]
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ffb
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And how!
[seeing Barbara's face]
Lloyd Diffy:
H-How dare you say that, you insensitive clod! Uh, honey, give him the talk you always give me!
Pim Diffy:
[talking to Phil scratching Curtis' head] Now stop before he goes on the floor.
Joel Messerschmidt:
OK, people, we will be having a surprise test next week. Part of the surprise is that the test is tomorrow. Studying is recommended, though futile.
Keely Teslow:
[cheerfully] Hey! So I got your message. Where's your racket?
Phil Diffy:
My dad says our puddinator project will draw a lot of attention and that people will find out that we're from the future... My family has to move.
Keely Teslow:
This is crazy! We had all these plans! We were gonna go fishing this summer and I hate fishing. The only reason I was gonna go was because I thought it'd be fun with you!
[pause]
Keely Teslow:
S-so when are you leaving?
Phil Diffy:
Tonight.
Keely Teslow:
T-tonight? This isn't fair! It just seems like kids should have a say in whether they move or not!
Phil Diffy:
[quietly] Tell me about it.
Keely Teslow:
So, you wanna play one last game of tennis?
[throws the ball to Phil]
Phil Diffy:
Keely, you know I do. I can't. I have to help pack.
[cuts to Keely, speechless]
Phil Diffy:
Bye, Keel.
[hugs Keely, then starts walking away. Stops and throws the ball. Offscreen a cat screeches, ruining the sad Pheely moment]
Phil Diffy:
[shouts] Sorry!
[pulls a face and walks out of the shot]
Keely Teslow:
[quietly] Bye, Phil.
[Pim is foiled by static electricity and her hair is smoking in the hallway]
Mr. Hackett:
[cheerfully] No smoking!
[she glares at him]
Phil Diffy:
[walks in and sees Sir Issac Newton and Albert Einstein at the table] Phil, I told you not to use holographic geniuses to help you with your homework.
Phil Diffy:
They're no help at all, and they're the biggest nerds of all times.
Lloyd Diffy:
[looking in the fridge] Hey, who drank all my juice boxes?
[they hide the juice boxes under the table]
Pim Diffy:
[balloons are attracted to Curtis when he builds up static electricity] Amazing, how did you harness such power?
Curtis:
Balloons like Curtis... Curtis like balloons!
Phil Diffy:
We've got to stop her. That's what we've got to do. We need to think of a plan.
Keely Teslow:
Okay.
[long pause]
Keely Teslow:
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42
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Are you thinking of a plan? Cause' I'm just looking serious.
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d11
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Phil Diffy:
Keely, Keely, Keely.
Keely Teslow:
[pushes Phil gently] Don't you triple Keely me!
Barbara Diffy:
That's perfect! I could be the hostess with the mostess!
Pim Diffy:
Mom, you can't even make toastess.
Keely Teslow:
In the future, will you wait for me?
Phil Diffy:
Really? 'Cause you'll be really really old.
Phil Diffy:
But that shouldn't matter. See you, pepper.
Keely Teslow:
See you, salt.
Keely Teslow:
In... in other news... Oh, whats the point, we all know nothing's going to top that!
Pim Diffy:
[fighting over carton of milk] You used up all the milk!
Phil Diffy:
That's because you used up all the ugly!
Pim Diffy:
You ate all the toast!
Phil Diffy:
I thought it was only fair, I ate all the cereal
[smirks]
Barbara Diffy:
Calm down, you two. There's plenty more toast
[puts some down on table]
Phil Diffy:
[sarcastic] Oh no, I upset shorty!
Pim Diffy:
That does it!
Phil Diffy:
You wanna say that standing up?
Phil Diffy:
[Has turned into a five-year-old because of an accident while babysitting] I'M PHIL OF THE FUTURE!
Lloyd Diffy:
Phil, are you, five?
Phil Diffy:
...No.
Lloyd Diffy:
Really? Cause you look pretty five.
[Phil shakes his head]
Lloyd Diffy:
Tell me if you think this is funny. Knock, knock.
Phil Diffy:
Who's there?
Lloyd Diffy:
Boo.
Phil Diffy:
Boo who?
Lloyd Diffy:
Stop cryin and I'll tell ya.
[Phil finds it very amusing, covering his face with his hand]
Lloyd Diffy:
That's it, you ARE five!
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