Ray Ray Perkins: Ma'am, my name is Ray-Ray and I'm here to... service you. Caprice Stickles: I'm a sex addict, I'm an exhibitionist, and I'm your daughter. Sylvia Stickles: Oh, Ursula, ever since my concussion, I've learned so much about eros. I'm a sex addict, too. I'm a cunnilingus bottom, and I'm your mother. [from trailer] Sylvia Stickles: I'm Sylvia Stickles and I've got the itch! Sexed-Up Black Neighbor: Come on up here and give me some of that strange. Sylvia Stickles: I'm coming as fast as I can! [repeated line] Ray-Ray: Let's go sexing! Big Ethel: Perverts are taking over this neighborhood. Fat Fuck Frank: But, Ursula! They're hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire, you know that! Fat Fuck Frank: Let them puppies loose! Sylvia Stickles: Something is the matter with your vagina! Big Ethel: You going to the movies, Dave? Dingy Dave: Huh? Big Ethel: [watching him scratch his ass] Hell, you're pickin' your seat, aren't you? Ronnie the Rimmer: Hello. I'm Ronnie the Rimmer, and I'm a sex addict. Sylvia Stickles: I'm Sylvia, and my clitoris is in crisis. Marge the Neuter: It's not safe out! People are shaving their crotches as we speak. There is pubic hair in the air! Everywhere! Big Ethel: My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex! Paige: Admit to God - you are a whore. Sylvia Stickles: I'm a whore. Paige: Make a list of all the people you've fucked and apologize to their parents. Big Ethel: [pleading with Sylvia to give up her fixation on oral sex] You'll get a yeast infection! Mama Bear: Hi! I'm Mama Bear. Have you met my hus bear? Papa Bear: I'm Papa Bear, and this is our cub, Baby Bear! Baby Bear: Grrrr! Vaughn Stickles: Hi, I'm Vaughn. Welcome to the Harford Road area. Mama Bear: When we take over, it's gonna be a... Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Baby Bear: BEAR-QUAKE! GRRRRRR!
[Fat Fuck Frank jumps out in front of Sylvia as the Yuppie neighbors work on their formstorm]
Fat Fuck Frank: Mrs. Stickles, my name Fat Fuck Frank and I'm your daughter's number one fan. Sylvia Stickles: She moved to the Erie Canal area. [the Neuter Yuppie Woman giggles] Neuter Yuppie Man: Hey, Vaughn. Vaughn Stickles: [to the Neuter Yuppie Man] Hey! [to Fat Fuck Frank] Vaughn Stickles: Caprice retired from show business. She's no longer a public figure. Fat Fuck Frank: Her name ain't Caprice. It's "Ursula Udders" and she's famous. She got the biggest tits on Harford Road! [the Neuter Yuppie Neighbors stifle their laughs] Fat Fuck Frank: [shouting] Ursula! Ursula Udders! Neuter Yuppie Man: Texture, that's what I call it. Fat Fuck Frank: It's me, Fat Fuck Frank, and I miss them great big...! [Vaughn puts his hand over Fat Fuck Frank's mouth and silences the rest of his shout while Caprice bangs on her windows] Caprice Stickles: Destroy all Neuters! Neuter Yuppie Woman: We sure didn't have this in D.C. Neuter Yuppie Man: God, I love Baltimore. It's a real city of diversity. Paige: So many vaginas, so little time. Marge the Neuter: Today, somebody called me a Neuter. And you know what? I didn't mind. If neuter means "normal," I'll say it loud - I am Marge the Neuter and I'm proud! Caprice Stickles: [explaining why she is going to have her breasts reduced] My back hurts. I'm getting sores. I wanna do housework without pain. I'd like to sleep on my stomach once in a while... Vaughn Stickles: This isn't California. Big Ethel: It's Harford Road! Dora: Your cunt is like a charity. You must give, give, and give... Dora: Ever take a rufie? Sylvia Stickles: No! Dora: Me neither. I'm afraid I'll stay home and date rape myself all night long. Neuter Grandmother on Bus: I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showing your pubic patch to the bus driver. You should move downtown where you belong, you whore! Fat Fuck Frank: Her name ain't Caprice! It's Ursula! Ursula Udders, and she's famous. She got the biggest tits on Harford Road! Big Ethel: Being a *whore* is a disease? Anti 'Bear' Neuter: Look, I'm not a prude. I'm married to an Italian. Big Ethel: Only you can prevent fornication. Betty Doggett: Don't you find it funny that every man in this neighborhood has a penis? [giggles] [Loose Linda busts into a family's house] Loose Linda: OK! Who wants to fuck me? [the Horny Kid raises his hand] Horny Kid: I do! [the kid's family and Loose Linda fight over him] Ray-Ray: One day we're going to discover a brand new sex act, one that's never been performed before. And we hope you'll be with us on that day of carnal rapture. Betty Doggett: There is no higher power than sex! Ray-Ray: A concussion is a terrible thing to waste. Sylvia Stickles: You were convicted of indecent exposure for the third time! Caprice Stickles: I was promoting the art of dance! Sylvia Stickles: With nude loitering? Nude and disorderly conduct? Nude drunken driving? Caprice Stickles: I was not drunk! I was on pills! [at the Bear house] Cow Patty: Hi, I'm Cow Patty. Vaughn Stickles: Hi, I'm Vaughn. I live up the street and I'm looking for my wife Sylvia. Cow Patty: I'm the only Goldilocks allowed in this Bear cave. I'm a Bear Hag and we call this... Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Baby Bear: Bear soup! [Big Ethel looks in at the Bears as Cow Patty notices her] Cow Patty: Wow, a tranny bear. Come on in! Big Ethel: [as she runs off] Police! Mama Bear: Hey, polar bear, you know what an otter is? Big Ethel: No. Papa Bear: It's a bear cub who isn't fat or hairy yet, but will be! Baby Bear: Find me a significant otter! Sylvia Stickles: Mother, I don't feel well. Big Ethel: Well, no wonder, they've got blatant homosexuals shopping right in our store. They eat life, you know... Sperm! Big Ethel: Did you see those new neighbors moving in? Hmm? Grown men with hairly legs prancing around half naked? "We're bears." What the hell is that supposed to mean? Neuter Old Maid: [to Big Ethel] I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home! Sylvia Stickles: Somebody, somewhere, finish me off!