"Monkey Dust" (2003) 8.9

Ivan Dobsky: I didn't do it! I only said I did it so they'd take the rat out of my anus! Ivan Dobsky: Ooh The Carpenters! They're my favorite! I bet Karen's old and fat now! Ivan Dobsky: [sees Nelson Mandela] Ohhhh Mr Drummond! Help! Its that Nelson Bonjela! The most feared terrorist in the whole of South Africa! Mr Drummond: Ivan it might be simpler if you just reversed all your 1970s preconceptions. Paedofinder General: Did you not induce Mr Whippy to give your daughter a 69? Man on the beach: No, a 99. Paedofinder General: Well, that's LIKE a 69 but 30 worse! Paedofinder General: All gays are paedophiles. It is written in stone. On the wall behind the bus shelter, where I wrote it. Paedofinder General: By the power vested in me by mawkish ITV documentaries presented by Martin Bashir, I now pronounce you... a paedophile. Ivan Dobsky: I never done it! I only said I done it so they wouldn't give me another jalfrezi enema!