艾伦·德詹尼丝秀 (2003)

[repeated line]

Ellen:

Kaaaaa!

[repeated line]

Ellen:

Oh... mama!

Ellen:

Now before we continue on, is it, do I call you "sir"?

Paul McCartney:

King.

Ellen:

What's it like to be you?

Paul McCartney:

Weird, man.

Paul McCartney:

They were throwing money at us to get off.

['Mystery phone guest' calls and Ellen picks up]

The Rock:

Hello?

Ellen:

Hi! Madonna? Is that you?

Robert Downey Jr.:

I play an evil scientist in The Shaggy Dog, and I'm a lot like the character I play. Except I'm not evil.

Ellen:

Or a scientist.

[Audience laughs]

Robert Downey Jr.:

[Closes eyes] This is one of those moments I just need to to stop and recollect my thoughts.

Ellen:

[During her stand-up routine] You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?'

[referring to the "Silent Hill" poster]

Ellen:

She doesn't have a mouth.

Ellen:

I'm really glad that high jeans are coming back in fashion, cause you know how all the jeans are low now? And cause, you know, sometimes I have to bend down

[Audience laugh]

Ellen:

No, but it's really good higher jeans are coming back in fashion. Remember the jeans back in the 80's? That kinda high was good. But any higher and they'd be strapless jeans.

Ellen:

Hi, where are you from?

Audience Member:

Orlando, Florida.

Ellen:

Oh, we were just there. Did you come see us?

Audience Member:

Ah, no. I couldn't. That's why I'm here now.

Ellen:

Oh, well, that's much more convenient.

Hand Puppet:

It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Ellen:

Why's that?

Hand Puppet:

I was dating a sock.

Ellen:

Oh

Hand Puppet:

And we never went anywhere.

Ellen:

Well that's no good.

Hand Puppet:

Yeh, and one day he went into the dryer and never came back.

2e

Ricardo Chavira

f91

:

[Speaking of ghosts in his house] I'll try and keep them happy. Maybe I'll bring them flowers.

Ellen:

Yeh, ghosts like flowers.

Ricardo Chavira:

Do you know what kind?

Ellen:

...forget-me-nots?

Ellen:

Make me dance Tony!

Ellen:

[Playing horses or Hippies] They eat grass.

Audience Member:

Hippies.

Ellen:

No, it's horses. Hippies don't *eat* grass

[winks]

Ellen:

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.

Ellen:

[Speaking about the Emmy's] You know, winning is not important. It's about how you feel about yourself. And of course, you're gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself if you win.

Ellen:

Who needs sleep? I laugh in the face of sleep!

Ellen:

Hi, where are you from?

Stand-In DJ:

I was born in Sydney, Australia, but I moved here fourteen years ago.

Ellen:

Oh, well in case no-one has said it yet, welcome to our country!