The lives of seven incompetent Reno sheriff's deputies are detailed in this "Cops" style parody. Among the colorful characters are L...更多>
Deputy Travis Junior: I actually wanted to be in the FBI for about 20 minutes after I saw that movie with Jodie Foster and that guy who eats people in his basement, but I was really stoned at the time. And to be honest with you, for about 20 minutes, I also thought about making a dress out of people's skin. Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die. [the cops are in a doctor's office in their underwear] Doctor: Uh, none of the tests required you to disrobe. I'm not sure why you're all sitting here in your underwear. Deputy S. Jones: Dangle was in his underwear when we all got here. Deputy Travis Junior: Yeah, what's the deal, Dangle? Lt. Jim Dangle: I don't feel the need to explain myself. Lt. Jim Dangle: We have two passes to be witnesses at an execution. I know we all want these, so we're gonna do this the way we generally handle these things and we're gonna have a scavenger hunt. Deputy Trudy Wiegel: I'm going to beat the living crap out of you. [Jones reads a note in the bag of tacos he and Garcia ordered from a fast food taco joint] Deputy S. Jones: Officers, there are two armed men inside. Deputy James Garcia: I hope there are two-armed men in there. One-armed men wouldn't be able to serve tacos. [talking to a junior high class] Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Now, I don't care if you wear mini-skirts. I don't care if you wear Dungarees. I don't care if you're good at basketball, I don't care if you're fun to be around. But you can rest assured that every one of you, at some point, is going to be raped. Lt. Jim Dangle: I can't imagine any woman having sex with Garcia. I think it would be really angry, the sex. Deputy S. Jones: You think so? Lt. Jim Dangle: Have you ever heard him in the john? It's like Normandy. [after dropping off Jackie, a ditzy hooker, in somebody's front yard, telling her it was a halfway house] Deputy James Garcia: That's no halfway house. It's halfway between the restaurant I took her to and where I live. That human piece of garbage would make Satan weep. God vomited and there was Jackie. [repeated line] Deputy Williams: White people are crazy. Deputy Trudy Wiegel:
If I'm addicted to anything, it's sparklers.
[Officer Garcia has been shot] Deputy James Garcia: Oh, God, call for help. Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Help. Help. Deputy James Garcia: Use your goddamn radio. [Garcia locked himself in a morgue freezer on a bet] Agent Cowen: Hey, get out of that freezer, sir. That's for dead people, not living idiots. Lt. Jim Dangle: Okay, the FBI agents want one of us to introduce them at the press conference. Who remembers their names? Deputy James Garcia: Ooh, ooh. Deputy James Garcia. Lt. Jim Dangle: Let me explain: Wiegel's fucking crazy. Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What if I said, "Which nigger took the last donut?" Lt. Jim Dangle: That is wildly inappropriate. [talking to a Klan member] Deputy S. Jones: Ok, let me tell you... D.T.A.M.S: Don't take another motherfucking step. Terry: I heard a rumor. Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What's that, Ter? Terry: Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico and selling crack. Terry: There's was this guy at the store with this flamethrower, and he like grabbed this lady's baby and he's like, "Oh, I'm gonna kill this baby!" It was so sad, I was like crying... Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey Terry, Sherrifs Department! Terry: Hey Guys! Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Heyy. Terry: Whats goin down? Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Well, I'll tell ya whats goin down Terry, You know that they've installed a camera right here at this redlight here. Terry: Oh My god! Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Yeah, and it takes a picture whenever someone runs a redlight. Terry: Oh wow that's awesome, It's like the future. Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It is awesome. Deputy Travis Junior: So you know why we're here? Terry: Why was there a fire? Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You've been chargin' three bucks, you run up when the car is at a red light, and you give a H.J. during the redlight. Terry: Oh my god, that sounds, that's not something that I would ever do. Deputy Travis Junior: Except we've got about... Lieutenant Jim Dangle: We got about 38 photos of you and that's only last night. Terry: Well, I can see how you would think that, But I sell... oranges. Deputy Travis Junior: You sell oranges? Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You sell oranges? Terry: Mmhm!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle