Elizabeth: As much as I love being insulted by you, I think you'll be happier at a table for one. Jane: What time is it? [Elizabeth opens a curtain with a stick] Elizabeth: [long pause] It's morning. Elizabeth: Even the worst people can be nice to their friends, Jane. Collins: Elizabeth, we've been commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth! Will Darcy: A woman of many talents. Jack Wickam: So... he used the old "multiply and replenish" line. Funny, that usually works for me. Maybe it was his delivery. Elizabeth: His delivery was fine, I just didn't want the package. Collins: I had a kind of... funny... encounter with a girl in this congregation, who will remain anonymous, but for the sake of the story, let's call her... Elizabeth B. No-no, E. Bennett. Jane: Elizabeth... I think we stink. Lydia Merylon: Okay, *this* has got to stop. The house is a total mess. Kitty, disinfect! [Kitty sprays disinfectant all over the room] Lydia Merylon: Now *we* are going to the grocery store - and *you* are coming with us! Elizabeth: Just let me die! Jane: We're out of ice-cream, Elizabeth! Will Darcy: I find... I find, I find you strangely attractive. [beat] Will Darcy: You're not the sort of girl I normally go out with - I mean, you're loud, you're disorganized, your friends are an embarrassment. But I like you, I don't know why. Will you... will you... will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? Elizabeth: No. Elizabeth: Can I help you? Will Darcy: [curtly] I doubt it. Elizabeth: Oh - you're from England. My ancestors came from Hertford - Will Darcy: [cuts her off] Charming. [beat] Will Darcy: Okay, I'm looking for a book on writing by Kierkegaard - K - I - E - Elizabeth: [cuts him off] Kierkegaard, the father of existentialism. You're in "Landscape Gardening". Will Darcy: Oh, really... [picks a couple books from the shelf] Will Darcy: I had no idea that Mark Twain's genius extended to gardening. Or... Dr. Phil's. Elizabeth: [curtly] "Philosophy" is two aisles over. Help yourself! Jane: Triple Choc-choc-choc-chocolate chunk or Uncle Bubba's Big Belly Butter Brickle?
Elizabeth: Both. Elizabeth: I always thought I was a good judge of character. Jane: Don't feel bad. Jack had us all fooled. Elizabeth: No, I'm not talking about Jack. I mean Darcy. Jane: I think we're going to need a bigger cart. Lydia Merylon: Oh, this is just great girls. Here we've just spent 20 minutes picking out the perfect array of romantic items, and what do we come back to find? Two kegs of ice cream, pills for cramping, pills for bloating, and six super size boxes of Tampax? Why don't we just put up a big neon sign that says, "Men, run for your lives! Menstruating monsters approaching!" Crowd Member: You suck, therefore this party sucks!