[Buddy sees the mail room for the first time] Buddy: It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me... [answering the phone] Buddy: Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color? Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color? Buddy: Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol. Jovie: No way. Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing. Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down. Jovie: I *can* sing, I just choose *not* to sing. Especially in front of other people. Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference. Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference. Buddy: No there's not. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] Buddy: I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing! Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole! Buddy: Yes there is! Gimbel's Manager: No there's not! Buddy: We sing all the time! Gimbel's Manager: No you don't! Buddy: Especially when we build toys! [Back to Jovie] Buddy: See? Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup. Miles Finch: [pitching ideas for a book] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable. Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing... Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise. Buddy: What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too? Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list. Buddy: Nooooo! Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries? Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!
: [out of breath from chasing Michael] Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?... Michael: - Go away ! Gimbel's Manager: This, is the North Pole. Buddy: No it isn't. Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is. Buddy: No it isn't. Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is! Buddy: No it isn't! Where's the snow? Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that? Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite Walter: Who sent this Christmas Gram? Buddy: What's a Christmas Gram? I want one! Buddy: Who the heck are you? Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus. Buddy: No, you're not. Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year? Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son? Kid with Santa: Four. Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name? Kid with Santa: Paul. Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas? Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar. Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk. Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself? Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy. Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies. Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'. Buddy: You're a fake. Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake? Buddy: Yes! Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding. Buddy: You stink. Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right. Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa. Gimbel's Manager: 6-inch ribbon curls honey. Jovie: That's impossible. Gimbel's Manager: 6 INCHES! Buddy: Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo... Buddy: He's an angry elf! Emily: [tries some of Buddy's spaghetti with syrup] Oh, that's good. Buddy: Good? Emily: Good. Buddy: Good! Michael: Whoa. Where did you say you were from again? Buddy: [burps loud and long] Did you hear that? Michael: You're so weird. Buddy: Hi! Deb: Hi! Buddy: Do you remember me? Deb: I do! I didn't recognize you! Buddy: I know I'm in work clothes! Nun: But the children love the books! Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security. Deb: [whispering] Good idea. Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too! Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies! Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times. Buddy: Really? Santa: Mm-hmm. Buddy: What's it like? Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy. Buddy: Oh. Santa: Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas. Buddy: Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves. Carolyn: I'm a human... raised by humans. Buddy: Cool. Emily: You like sugar, huh? Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup? Emily: Yes. Buddy: Then YES! Buddy: You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa. Buddy: I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite. Buddy: Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS! [Buddy burps loudly] Buddy: Did you hear that? Buddy: Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! Elf Teacher: Now, before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the code of the elves, shall we? [Buddy is pressing the elevator buttons at the same time] Buddy: It looks like a Christmas tree. Gimbel's Manager: There's no singing in the North Pole. Buddy: Yes there is. Buddy: SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA'S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM! Carolyn: Thanks Buddy! [while Ice Skating, Buddy kisses her on the cheek] Jovie: You missed. Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning? Buddy: I heard you singing. Jovie: Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower? Buddy: I didn't know you were naked. Buddy: It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture. Buddy: I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands. Buddy: I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle. Buddy: [to the doctor] Can I listen to your necklace? [reacting to sign saying "World's Best Cup of Coffee"] Buddy: You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here. Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. Buddy: I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Buddy: [reading the note he left on the etch-a-sketch] "I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR." [Being beaten up by a dwarf he thinks is an elf] Buddy: He's an *angry* elf! Walter: What do you want? Some money? Buddy: No! I just wanted to meet you and thought maybe you might want to meet me. Walter: Who wouldn't wanna meet you? Buddy: [as he is hit by a snowball] SON of a NUTcracker! Walter: [Buddy had just caused Walter to lose a client] You get the hell out of here. Buddy:
Where do you want me to go?