B-Rad: And If I work hard, I can be the biggest rapper there ever was? Ronnie Rizzat: Rapper? Hell, no, you stink. B-Rad: Don't be hatin'. Ronnie Rizzat: I'd rather eat garbage then listen to your tired-ass rhymes. Brad Gluckman: I got sumtin' to say, and I need the world to hear it. I'm a lyricologist. I can rap about anything. Shrink, shrink. Blinkity-blink. Tried to make me think. Wanna go to my sink. And vomit. Clean it up wit' Comet. Earth is my planet. See? I'm the shiznit. Brad Gluckman: My name is B-rad. Not Robbie van Winkle. I like my lattes non-fat and don't fo-get the sprinkle. Brad Gluckman: Traffic, traffic lookin' fo my chapstick, feelin' kinda car sick, there's a Ford Maverick. B-Rad: Stuart Little? Ronnie Rizzat: Negro please. That little white rat ain't got nuttin' on me. B-Rad: I'm gonna be on the campaign trizzy too, 24/7. you know, kissin' babies and whatnot. PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt? B-Rad: I stole that too. Tec: Hey, yo, that was ill. Hey, where'd you learn that from? B-rad: Grand Theft Auto 3. Tec: Word? Can I borrow that? B-rad: You got a, uh, Playstation 2? Tec: Nah, I got GameCast. B-rad: GameCast? Well, there's GameCube and then there's Dreamcast. Which you got? Tec: Well, I said I got Gamecast, man. Damn! I can't afford it! [seeing a scary movie] B-Rad: RUN, BITCH! HE GONNA KIIILLLLL YOU! B-Rad: [to his parents and psychiatrist about when he becomes a famous rapper] I'll buy you ALL cars. B-Rad: [on being kidnapped and shoved into the trunk of a car] Shotgun! [another car runs through Tec's house] Tec: Damn doesn't anyone know where the damn driveway is! Hadji: [to Monster] What are you supposed to be, Robo-bitch? Sean: [raising the roof] Holler back, player! Sean: [in front of Shondra's house, to B-rad] You a long way from the beach now, punk! We in South Central! The ghetto! The projects! [Shondra gives him a dirty look] Sean: We run hardcore up in here. People get killed here errrrrrry day! PJ: [throws up signs] YAY YAAAAAYYYYY! Sandy: [walks past the house with two other cute little girls] Shondra, can you come over later? Princess just had puppies. Shondra: [sweetly] Okay, Sandy. Bye. PJ: [after B-Rad gives him a funny look] Pitbull puppies, fool! Sean: And they mean, too. PJ: What make you think you know what goes down up in the hood anyway? B-rad: BET. Tec: [high-pitched scream] STOP IT! You say one more line and I'mma have to smoke myself! B-rad: KING KONG... AIN'T GOT NOTHIN'... ON ME! AAAAAGHHHHHH! [starts firing pistols wildly] Sean: This ain't no picnic bitch! B-Rad: I think today is a good day to die, don't you? YAY YAAAAAYYYY! Gary: You know who this is! I'm from Bill Gluckman's office! Tec: Damn! He's the one that's down with the bitches and hoes! [akward silence] Tec: What? you think we ignint just cuz we live in tha hood? Gary: No, I didn't say that. Tec: Whatever Tec: Grab Fatback! I got Milkdud. PJ: I'm soft. Rap-Battle host: It's Black History Month. You out your rabbit-ass mind? Monster: Don't you talk about my mama. Hadji: I'll talk about your mama all I want. Monster: Hell, no! Yo mama so fat, she got every caterer on speed dial! Mocha: Ooh! Hadji: What? Uh-uh uh-uh. Yo mama so fat, she uses Mexico, the whole country, as her tanning bed. Monster: Yo mama so ugly, Jose Eber won't even do her hair! Mocha: Ooh! Hadji: Yeah? Yo mama so ugly, she's only been married once. Mocha: Whoo, haha. Monster:
Yo mama so poor, on Hallowe'en, her trick was the treat!
Hadji: Yo mama so poor, that your tits are real! Mocha: Oh no! Uncle Louie: What's the theme of your party, kid? Star Wars? Baseball? Superheroes? 13 yr. Old Brad: It's O.P.P., bitch! B-Rad: [to Tec] You that weak fuck from the club. B-Rad: I got a PHD. Poser Hater Degree.