Davey Stone: Smell ya later, Poopsicle! Davey Stone: Hey, Jelly Jugs, next time you're on my court, you better wear a bra, okay? Whitey: Don't worry son, I think you have very nice boobs. Eleanor Duvall: Holy shit, did the mall just say something? Benjamin: Eat that nutstrap, BIACH! Jennifer: Benjamin? Jennifer: Thanks for sharing the Holiday spirit, psycho. Eleanor Duvall: They were giving out free lobster bibs in the bathroom. Whitey: That's not a lobster bib Eleanore its a germ protector for your tushey. Whitey: That's a technical foul! Davey: Can I prance around with my morning erection? Whitey: If you do you'll want an automatic ejection cause that's a technical foul! Eleanor Duvall: But I would like to see it anyway! Chinese Waiter: Four scorpion bowl in five minute? That's got to be a restaurant record. Davey Stone: Whippin' out my big, white, scary moon and blowin' a beef your way Davey Stone: Ugh! Jeezum crow! Did I just see two Persian cats on your ass? I think I'm gonna [burping] Davey Stone: barf. Whitey: Men's 11 right foot, children's 9 left foot. [does a jig] Whitey: At your service. Davey Stone: So, what's good about this place? Whitey:
What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image. Thanks for the combination pogo stick/clock radio. I mean, The Body Shop, the Tie Rack, GNC, Radio Shack, Petland for a cat or two, Spencer's Gifts for some fake dog doo, Sbarro's, Dunkin' Donuts, they're simply the best. And don't forget the orange chicken at Panda Express. But if you're short of cash like little old me, the window shopping's always free.
Davey Stone: Can I walk around with my morning erection? Whitey: If you want an automatic ejection... cuz that's a technical foul! Eleanor Duvall: But I'd like to see it anyway!... Just kidding! Chinese Waiter: Ha! I love it! Now you go to jail and marry big smelly man! Eleanore: All you people can bite my germ-free booty! Whitey: Your honor, if it pleases the court, I'd like to interject for a moment. Chinese Waiter: What the hell was that? Did anybody else hear a parakeet and have I gone crazy? Eleanor Duvall: It's a home invasion! Take whatever you want, but please don't chop my legs off! Whitey: It's okay Eleanore! It's okay! Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, thank god you're here! We're being robbed by a lunatic! Mister, if you're going to kill us, take off your wet shoes? They're soaking the carpet. Whitey: Eleanore, that's Davey Stone, my new partner. Eleanor Duvall: The criminal? Did he force you to bring him here so he could molest you? Whitey: His home just went up in flames. So I invited him to stay with us for a while. Eleanor Duvall: All right. But I'm taking an inventory of everything alive and accounted in this house. Eleanor Duvall: Look, he already stole something! He's hiding it in his jacket. Whitey: He's just kidding, son. You have very nice boobs. Victoria's Secret Salesperson: Aren't you a boy? Mayor: Whitey, for the first time your partner Davey Stone did something good for this community. Eleanore: What'd he do? Steal beer for everyone? Davey: Make some long distance calls? Eleanore: You'll get a kick in the balls! Davey: Good night, mayor! And the answer to your question is Spencer's Gifts. They definitely have furry underwear. Old Lady: [disgusted at the mayor] You're gross. Mayor: Ohh... Davey: I can't believe I haven't killed myself / Here with Wigs McGee and a furry elf / She's neurotic and he's a troll / How did I get stuck in this shithole? / Guess I'll have to deal with your demands / But please don't touch me with your alien hands. Chinese Waiter: Congratulations! Now please excuse me while I go take shower! Eleanor Duvall: Whitey, where were you? You're an hour and 51 minutes late. I already called the Morgue. They said you weren't there but to try back later. Davey Stone:
[while Whitey is having a seizure]