Gramps: Fuck Grandma. Gramps: You shoulda poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance. Peter: I had them take out all the calories for you. Christina: Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. Jane: My body is a movie and your penis is the star! Christina: I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on! Christina: Ew! What is that? Courtney: What is what? Christina: You don't smell that? Courtney: Smell what? I don't smell anything. Christina: Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary! Courtney: I don't smell anything! Christina: It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here! Courtney: Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back. Christina: You did! Courtney: I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass! Courtney: Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani? Christina: Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department! Courtney: Yeah! Well neither have I, okay! Christina: High five on the clean poonani! [Gives a high five] Courtney: Bitch! Roger: Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap! Courtney: How could you not know what a glory hole is? Christina: Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. [to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church] Courtney: Turn around. [Little boy shakes his head] Courtney: Turn around. [Little boy shakes his head]
: Look, it's Jesus. Look at Jesus! Jane: I can't believe I'm fucking a big purple elephant! Courtney: What you did was incredibly brave. You dropped all your boundaries and you met him half way... shit you met him more than halfway you went all the way to Somerset. Courtney: Oh, you know, the usual. Defending the rights of my broken hearted clients and try to squeeze every single penny out of their miserable cheating spouses. Courtney: Fifty percent of what people say when they are joking is true, which means, you do wanna go to this wedding but you are too afraid to admit it. So, by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want without being vulnerable. [Courtney and Christina look at themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes] Christina, Courtney: These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"! [after knocking over a flower arrangement and disrupting an entire wedding] Courtney: This isn't the Glichtman Barmitzvah is it? Mosha are you in here, no? Christina: Come along Sharron. Mazeltov! Shalom! [while holding her breats] Christina: You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22... Courtney: Buy some new ones! [holds up arm shaking the fat on it] Courtney: Look at this, no what is that, no, what is that, no seriously what is that? It's like Hello, Hi, Hi, How are you? Voice: There's someone in here. Christina: Sorry. Voice: It might be a while. Christina: How long? Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick! Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that? Waitress: It's oozing and it's green! [the music suddenly stops] Christina: Eeew! Assistant: Well Mr. Mooney is downstairs and he is P-I-S-E-D. Jane: Pised? Girl #1: I can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. This is our bar! Girl #2: Forget her. She's a Skeev. Girl #1: But is she prettier than me? Girl #2: Of course not, you're beautiful. [Girl #1 throws up all over Girl #2] Girl #2: Oh my God, you fucking bitch! Chuck: That's why girls always go to the bathroom together! Peter: Here's to fifty years with the same woman. Roger: Dude, that's just depressing. She'll have saggy tits by then. She could tie 'em around her waist by then and use 'em as a belt... Or just tuck 'em in her socks. Peter: I'd be careful with those fat-free chips - they cause anal leakage. Roger: You cause anal leakage Peter: It says so on the bag. Roger: [reads the bag and spits chips out of his mouth] What kind of marketing braniac puts anal leakage on his product? How can they even sell that crap?