Victor: Hey, I kick all ass. Victor: He was ambushed by his own fake brother! Victor: Dude, we just pissed on her life! Victor: I hate her, I hate the grade book, and I hate her fake little kids. Horny: Everything is bullshit. Greedy: It is what it is. Handsome: It wasn't just me who won that award, it was for Sammy for winning that spelling bee, and it was for Applebee for writing crazy small, and it was for Victor, for knowing how to deal with adopted kids. You see cheating is what made the four of us famous, the most famous cheaters in north point history. Horny: Everything is bullshit. Greedy: It is what it is. Jonathan Jacob Applebee the Crib Master: We're going to get 69'd... [pause] Jonathan Jacob Applebee the Crib Master: with a star Victor: It's like I always say: you can't trust a fake brother. Victor: I stand before you knee-deep in the bullshit. Victor: That's one horny little bastard. Victor: I was blown away! It turns out Greedy was just as horny as Horny. Victor: I don't get it, none of the girls will give their notes. It's like they all of a sudden have self-esteem. Handsome: That's impossible. Victor: He doesn't know karate like my karate. Handsome: Teddy wasn't an idiot, she was a genius, and you killed her. Handsome: Bullshit is in the details. Handsome: Crippled elves do dance around a devil covered by blue dress, dairy causes diarrhea, chunky, creamy, butter cheese, All: Bad Billy does dope, bitches and brews but can't even build a cigarette boat, Victor: All a bang booze every day above a bridge behind a cave, All: carpet crawler can't eat eagle, before chicken during day! Teddy: Douchebag! Handsome: I'll take it right now! [Handsome, Sammy and Victor are pulled out of class in regards to cheating] Mr. Harkin:
You punks... must think I'm some kind of idiot.
Handsome: What the hell are you talking about? Mr. Harkin: What am I talking about? What am I - I got a classroom full a kids in there, and the highest mark that anybody got was 55. Sammy you got 81, Handsome you got 84 and Victor you got 100 percen. Congratulations, Victor! Can anybody explain to me the root of this freak occurrence? [a beat of silence] Handsome: What the hell am I doing out here? [Handsome throws his pencil, takes off his shirt and starts hitting lockers] Mr. Harkin: Handsome, calm down! Handsome: You think I cheated? Give me the test right now, Mr. Harkin! Right now! Mr. Harkin: Alright, I-I- I'll give you the test next period. Handsome: No! Not next period! Right now! Right now! I'll take it right now! [Handsome drops to the ground in a Zen-like pose] Handsome: I'm ready for the test. Mr. Harkin: Handsome... put your shirt back on and go back to class. I'm sorry I accused you. Handsome: The greatest hoax in the history of institutionalized education is the myth of the permanent record.