Each episode shows us scenes from the real life of a typical multimillionaire middle-aged heavy-metal rock star with two teenagers, a shopah...更多>
Kelly Osbourne: [Ozzy and Sharon are kissing] Ew, stop it. Ozzy Osbourne: Why? we're married. I bet you do it when you go out. Kelly Osbourne: No, I don't think so. Sharon Osbourne: Oh, yes, you do. [they start kissing again] Kelly Osbourne: Ugh, please spare me, seriously. Ozzy Osbourne: What's wrong with it? Kelly Osbourne: You're too old. Sharon Osbourne: Oh, thanks, Kel. Ozzy Osbourne: That's very nice. You wait until you're fifty... fifty... how old am I again, Sharon? Sharon Osbourne: Kelly just called me from the pet shop. Ozzy Osbourne: No, no! Forget it, no! Sharon Osbourne: Aren't you interested? Ozzy Osbourne: If it's a living thing, no. Sharon Osbourne: Doesn't he look handsome? Ozzy Osbourne: Shut the fuck up! Sharon Osbourne: You're gorgeous! Kelly Osbourne: That's really nice, dad. Kelly Osbourne: My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business. Kelly Osbourne: You're not driving my car any more, mum, I'm sorry. Melinda Varga: You can get my Christmas present from in there if you want. Jack Osbourne: I'm going to get you a broken alarm clock so you'll get up in the morning. Melinda Varga: Fuck you!
: Jack, you seriously have some anger management control problems. Kelly Osbourne: Do you want to know why Fred Durst is moving to England? Because nobody hates him there. Sharon Osbourne: They soon fucking will. Ozzy Osbourne: We did a great job with that gravy. [a minute later] Ozzy Osbourne: We did a great job with that gravy. Sharon Osbourne: We're going to hear about this fucking gravy for the next year. Ozzy Osbourne: We're the Osbournes, and I love it. Sharon Osbourne: You look like Harrison Ford. Ozzy Osbourne: Oh, fuck off. I look more like Glenn Close. Sharon Osbourne: I'm not ready to croak, yet. And definitely not with a wig on. Sharon Osbourne: Where did you get these stones from? Ozzy Osbourne: Well... I picked them up. Kelly Osbourne: I'm going to shove a banana up your ass. Bend over bitch. Sharon Osbourne: Your father can't have one burrito, he has to have 900 burritos. Jack Osbourne: Do I talk shit about your friends? Ozzy Osbourne: I ain't got no friends. Sharon Osbourne: [about Kelly] She's so dramatic. I love her so much. Ozzy Osbourne: She's fucking nuts. Ozzy Osbourne: I live in a 9 million dollar turd. Sharon Osbourne: My darling Ozzy, for twenty years you have been my life partner. We have shared joys, sorrows, triumph, and tragedy. And every day with you in my life is a blessing beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you for who you are, for all you have given me and for all that we will share together every day for the rest of our lives. I love you more than any words, and any vows, and any poetry could ever capture. I am privileged to be your wife, and thank you for my babies. Sarah: This is fuckin' bullshit. Sharon Osbourne: Well, that was an end to a lovely evening. Sharon Osbourne: Excuse me, but women do just as much as men in the military. Ozzy Osbourne: Oh, fuck off. Sharon Osbourne: Merry Christmas, Ozzy. Ozzy Osbourne: Merry Christmas, darling. I adore you, sweetheart. Now fuck off.