Betty: But Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just want to suck your cock. Gord Brody: [playing the sausage organ] Daddy, would you like some sausage? Daddy, would you like some sausage? Gord Brody: Are you okay? Betty: I'd be a lot better if you beat my legs with these bamboo reeds. Gord Brody: I wanna eat chicken burgers. Gord Brody: I'm gunna make you proud, Dad... [starts driving away but brakes and honks as a senior citizen is about to cross] Gord Brody: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY. [continues driving] Jim: Get out of the toilet! Jim: Ohhhhh, look honey, our boy's a genius! He's rigged a pulley system so he can eat sausage and work on his stupid drawings. Julie Brody: Gordie, sit down. We're having roast beef. Gord Brody: Why do you guys always have roast beef? Jim: Boo-hoo. Little Lord Fauntleroy's tummy hurts because there's too much roast beef in it. Gord Brody: It's just boring. [Opens bag, pulls out a chicken sandwich] Gord Brody: I'm eating a chicken sandwich. Jim: No, you're not! Gord Brody: This is crazy. I'm a 28-year-old man, I should be able to eat a chicken sandwich if I want. Jim: He's 28 years old and he can eat a chicken sandwich. Very Impressive. Mike Fitzgibbon's son is a nuclear physicist, and my son can eat a chicken! [Grabs chicken sandwich, throws it to the dogs] Julie Brody: Jim, no! Jim: You can either eat that goddamn roast beef, or you can go to bed. [Gord leaves the room] Gord Brody: You can't hurt me, not with my cheese helmet! Gord Brody: [Dressed in his father's suit, back to front] I'm the backwards man, the backwards man, I can run back as fast as you can. Gord Brody: There's my La Baron. Where's your La Baron? <
b>Jim: Where the fuck is the water? Gord Brody: I see the problem here. There's a baby in your body. Jim: You BETTER run. You LIIIIIAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR. Gord Brody: Look, Daddy, I'm a farmer. Gord Brody: Fuck you, dad. Jim: Fuck me? Is that what you wanna do? [Jim drops his pants] Jim: Well, go ahead, FUCK ME. Gord Brody: [playing violin wildly] This is a fancy restaurant. This is a fancy restaurant. Jim: Wait a minute... You're crippled. Gord Brody: Dad... Betty: What? Gord Brody: Dad... Betty: You got a problem with my legs? Jim: No, you got a problem with your legs. It's ether that, or you're just lazy. Gord Brody: Japan Four. Harry: You hear the funny sound? You hear the funny sound? It's my hooves. It's my hooves. Sandwich Customer: This cheese sandwich. Gord Brody: What? Sandwich Customer: It doesn't have enough cheese in it. Gord Brody: Well... we can't have that, 'cause, you know, a cheese sandwich with no cheese, it's just... two pieces of bread, and you know what? I could LOSE MY JOB. I could lose ALL THIS. [starts cramming all the cheese slices on the counter into the sandwich] Gord Brody: So you can... have... all... the cheese... you want. [throws the stack of cheese slices and bread at the customer] Sandwich Customer: What the hell do you expect me to do with this? Gord Brody: Well, I don't know. You could... SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUM-BUM. [customer walks out disgusted] Gord Brody: Yooou... can... put... the... cheeese... in... your... bum... Jim: [to Betty] If this was Pakistan, you'd be sewing soccer balls. Gord: Daddy, we're in Pakistan. Let's sew some soccer balls. Jim: Hey, Gord, the water cold enough for ya? [Turns the water temp level down, then breaks into the bathroom, then flushes the toilet] Jim: Don't tell me this boy's so stupid he doesn't know the difference between hot and cold. [opens shower to find Gord with a soap on a rope in Scuba Gear] Jim: Hey, what are ya doing in my scuba gear? Gord: Look, I found a treasure. Jim: That's a soap on a rope!
: SHhhhhhhhhh, I'm pretending it's a treasure. Gord Brody: He's a molester! He's a CHILLLLLLLLD MOLESTER! Jim: [after he leaves Gord in the shower] You retard! Jim: You want Daddy to give you a spanking in front of his retard slut whore? Betty: I'M NOT RETARDED! Gord Brody: I hope I get a jobby, Freddy. I've got my fingers crossed... crossed... crossed... crossed... cross... ed. Andy Malloy: Can I really have a piece of cake, Daddy? Mr. Malloy: Sure you can, son. It's your birthday! Andy Malloy: Yea! Mr. Malloy: Yea! Jim: He said 'Fuck you, dad'. So I said 'Fuck you, fuck me. Fuck you, fuck me"... and I NEVER FINGERED FREDDY. [Andy Malloy looks at Jim while playing catch and gets hit in mouth with baseball, cries] Gord Brody: Wow... it's a Le Baron. Jim: Bet your boots it's a Le Baron. Good car. Convertible. Gord: Don't touch my shoulder, I saved the day. Gord Brody: Are you Dave Davidson? Woman: I'm a girl. Gord Brody: Did I ask for your fucking sex? Gord Brody: This is "Little Timmy". He gets us food and stuff. Right, little timmy? Jim: What the fuck is going on Gord? Why aren't you at your new job? Gord Brody: What are you talking about Timmy? Jim: Gord... Jesus. There ain't no big computer job... is there? You're just gallavantin' around in my suit pretending to be some kind of mover 'n shaker aren't you? Gord: Ahhh... Freddy. Freddy. Freddy Brody: Is that um... Jim: Thats your big brother. He couldn't handle the complexities of making a cheese sandwich so now he's back here at home with us... jeez, is that idiot still in the shower? Shit. How much water is he gonna use? Freddy Brody: How much is he gonna use? All of it? Save some for the fish or something. Right poP? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Jim: Miserable dead beat punk. Paid for his damn college. Sits around all day wacking off. Proud? My ASS. Gord Brody: Ding dong! I'm a sexy boy!