甜与辣 (2001) 5.9

Lisa Janusch: ...he was a bar of chocolate and the whole school was on the rag - everybody wanted a piece. Diane: Nobody ever got ahead by sitting on their behinds! Lisa Janusch: I don't know about the Hey, but the Ho was right on. Butch Girl: [Her speech for her campaign, she is holding a 4-H sign] It's all about the cows. Youth. Agriculture. 4-H RULES! Lisa Janusch: [while watching a group of girls do cheerleading moves while robbing the bank] That's an illegal dismount. [Kansas's mom sends Betty doll masks] Hannah: [reading card] Be careful, have fun. Ski masks are so done. Use these masks to fight the power and never bend over in the shower. Hannah: I'm sorry, can someone else please run the board? It's creepy, it's wrong, and it goes against the teachings of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Kansas: Hannah, in order to get real answers from the Netherworld, you've gotta have a Christian virgin run the board. Your kind is pure of heart, the devil won't dick with you. Lucy Whitman: You just became a statistic. Kansas: Oh, my god. I'm not the first. Cleo Miller: Did you say you are pregnant or you were pregnant. You had it, threw it out, and now you're gonna go dance all night? Diane: Morning sunshine, remember, these are the best days of your life so far. [winks] Diane: . Jack Bartlett: Who would you be, Count Chocula or Trix Rabbit? Diane: Trix Rabbit. Jack Bartlett: I love this lady! Diane: If the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that, in America, you can cut somebody's head off and still be innocent as long as you have enough money. Hannah: I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch! Diane:

95

You know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt. And we may be knee-deep in it right now, but we're gonna grow strong from this.

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[overly hyper] Dianne's Mom: I'm DeeDee. You can remember me because of my double D's! Dianne's Dad: Honey, don't show them those! [to Jack's parents] Dianne's Dad: And I'm Dianne's dad, Dennis. Now, don't try that after one of my screw-drivers. Dianne's Mom: Say, who wants pigs-in-a-blanket? Cleo Miller: Can you imagine, Conan's head on Keanu's body? Unstoppable. Kansas: My best friend got pregnant. Mrs. Hill: Woohoo, before you? Kansas: Yeah that's what i said too. Lisa Janusch: Then, there's Hannah Wald. She's this uber-Christian, doesn't really say much. In fact, if she wasn't kinda pretty, you'd say ''Hey, who's the tart?'' Hannah: Technically I don't think I'm a virgin anymore. This past summer at church camp I think I had my first orgasm. Kansas: Any sentence that starts with church camp aint leading to the big O. Cleo Miller: That's not true Kansas. Jesus all sweaty and bare-chested on the cross always made me kinda hot. Diane: I want to hear. Hannah: Okay, so one night I want out horseback riding with the nuns - they went every night and we're trotting pretty hard you know. And suddenly I feel totally alive. Lisa Janusch: It blew like a bulimic after Christmas dinner Kansas: Yeah? Well, how would you like me to introduce my foot into your ass! Kansas: Hey Lisa, did you meet Carmen Electra this summer? Lisa Janusch: No. Kansas: Oh, cause it looks like you got some of her tits on you. Hannah: [at the ouija board] Who made up the one-question-a-week rule anyway? Kansas: It's in the Bible, so just shut the hell up! Mrs. Hill: Kansas, I'd like you to meet someone special. [a lady comes up] Kansas: Jesus Christ, Mom! It's bad enough you're in prison, but you're a dyke too? Mrs. Hill: Shut up! You mouthy little shit! Kansas: Don't "mouthy shit" me! I'm outta here. Mrs. Hill: Hold on a minute. She ain't my bitch if that's what you think. She's a specialist in banks. Hannah: And Tim Conoway was very funny. And they all learned a lot from the experience a... Kansas: Wait a minute. You watched The Apple FUCKING Dumpling Gang? Geeky Guy:

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I feel totally abandon in a place that values physical prowess over mental acuity. I can't wait until all of that changes in the real world.