[to his genitals] Kyle: I'm going to hurt you tonight! Kyle: I fuck and fuck and can't get relief. Kyle: I love the smell of bridesmaids in the morning. [to himself] Michael: You are going to have sex with the first woman you see. First woman you see, first woman you see. [walks and stumbles with a large, fat woman] Michael: OK, second woman you see. The second woman you see. Natalie: I'm falling for Kyle. Michael: What? Natalie: He's actually sweet. Michael: Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing! [to Michael] Natalie: You're under arrest, you sick fuck! Carlos: I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money? Michael: I guess you could say I sold my soul. Carlos: Yeah, I see a lot of that. Jill: Call me "mistress", you disgusting little worm! [Natalie is with Kyle in the bedroom] Michael: Natalie, get out of there! Save yourself! It's the dick of death! [Natalie hands Michael some "Horny Boy" boxers she randomly bought for him] Michael: Oh great! These will go well with my Horny Boy socks. Shelby: Say it, Michael. Michael: Say it? Shelby: I won't do it unless you say it. Michael: I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here. What is it exactly you want me to say? Shelby: You know. Those three... little... words... Michael: Those three little words... Hold on a minute. Shelby: What? What's wrong? Michael: I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Shelby: Why are you acting like this? Michael: Shelby, I like you. I like you a lot. But things are just moving a little too fast. I'm just not ready to say, "I love you". Shelby: What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"? Michael: Oh, come on. Back there. You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words. Shelby:
You colossal moron! "Suck... my... cock".
Michael: Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Michael: No more redheads!