Charles: You know this is just what my mom was afraid of: peer pressure. And it's coming from my grandfather. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Mind telling me why you were sittin' buck naked on a porcuipine? <
b>Shuck: Ow! I said pull em' out, not break em' off! Agent Collins: Okay, we've got a burglary... Kate: No, it always looks this way. [to a horse] Shuck: Don't just stand there. Either herd the sheep or I gotta buy me a sheep dog. Hank Dawson: So, where's your uglier half? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I left him out there to deal with Martinez. Hank Dawson: I'm gonna have to drag my ass all the way up there to investigate a double homicide? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: A man can't sit around all day drinkin' coffee. Hank Dawson: He can sure as hell try. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I ain't linin' Ma Bell's pantaloons for two calls a year. [in a Greyhound bus station] A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: How much does it cost to ride the 'Hound to Minneapolis these days? Verla: Why, Stoney hon', you haven't been to the Twin Cities since Dolly Parton went, criminies, went from a C cup to a triple D. Charles: Do you have any idea how long it's taken me to get into that site? Shuck: Do you have any idea how long I've been standin' here? Charles: Great, I'm getting a lesson in bad manners from a cowboy. Shuck: Sheep rancher. Charles: There's a difference? Shuck: Want ya to try gettin' the fleeces off in one piece this time. And shear the ewe up front first. She's in the family way. Martinez: I think I could have figured that out for myself. I am a woman. Shuck: You coulda fooled me. Charles: Where's the bathroom? Or do you guys just open the door and pee? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Down the hall, hang a left. Charles: Is there any soap? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Why? Plan to pee on your hand? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I don't like the way she's raising you. Charles: Oh? How's that? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Like a frail litter runt still suckin' hind tit. Charles: OK, I've got no idea what that means, but you can't talk to me like that. Charles: What's that smell? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Dirt. Wool. Grass... Life. Charles: All I smell is shit. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Even up the reigns. Drop your heels. Turn your knees inward. Charles: Hey, I've ridden a horse before! OK, it was "Virtual Saddle." Charles: Drinkin' under age, drivin' without a license, now vandalism. You're a bad influence, Stoney. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Home. Quite a word. Kate: Mr. McKormick, we have pitched this deal for nearly two days. Either spur the horse or get your ass out of the saddle! Shuck: You know, we ought to be thinkin' about gettin' the kid back home, Stoney. He belongs to his mama. You can't turn him into a wooly boy in two hours. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: You can't teach nobody nothin' around here. Hank Dawson: Agent Collins, I know Stony and Shuck. They're just a couple of harmless... Orville Spratt: Sheriff! Sheriff! Shuck just shot Owen! Hank Dawson: ... old felons. Shuck: I wouldn't make a lot of noise if I was you. You don't want to alert Stoney to your leavin'. Charles: As if he would care if I left. Shuck: What makes you think he don't care? Charles: I don't know... What would you call no contact for nine years? Shuck: I'd call it bein' a man of few words. Charles: So where's Hidden Springs? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: I'll know it when I see it. Shuck: Then we're all in big trouble, 'cause the old fart forgot his glasses. A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: Skeleton trees. We head north. Charles: Skeleton trees? Bald rock, broke twig? This is how you guys get around? A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: The land has scars just like people. Helps you recognize where you are. Shuck: You gotta a better way? Charles: Yeah! Turn left at Burger King... if you hit Taco Bell, you've gone too far. [repeated line] A.J. 'Stoney' Stoneman: If you want to curse, go outside. [calling his lamb] Charles: Come on, CPU! Shuck: What the hell kind of name is CPU? Charles: Beats "Chili Meat", that's what.