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Mickey:
Now, I wanna remind everyone of the House of Mouse rules-no smoking, no villainous schemes and no guests eating other guests.
Pete:
Everybody out.
Mickey:
Show's not over yet, Pete.
Pete:
What show? You've got no cartoons and that stage is deader than the Haunted Mansion.
Goofy:
Here's your doggie bag, Miss De Vil.
Cruella De Vil:
Forget the bag. I'll take the doggie.
Goofy:
Hi. I'm waiter and I'll be your Goofy tonight. Now, let me tell you our specials, we have Breadknobs and Fishsticks, Cruella De Veal, Peg-Leg Pizza, Never Never Lamb, Stromboli Ravioli and Pocahummus.
Mickey:
The Three Caballeros are Panchito, Jose and...
Tweedle Dee:
Sneezy?
Tweedle Dum:
No, it's Grumpy. You're so dumb.
Queen of Hearts:
You'll have to go fish for a better deal, because we give the competition the royal flush.
Timon:
Excuse me. Did anyone order a blue-butt baboon? Because I ain't eatin' it.
Mickey:
Sorry I'm late everybody. I had to stop by the bank. I was overdrawn.
Pencil Test Character #1:
Overdrawn? You're lucky.
Pencil Test Character #2:
Yeah. We're not done yet.
Mickey:
Cruella De Vil's been a little sloppy with her driving lately.
Cruella De Vil:
Who? Me?
Mickey:
She's gotten 101 citations.
Gepetto:
I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.
Pinocchio:
I slept like a log.
Goofy:
Two pigs were wallowing in the mud... no, wait, that's a dirty joke. Ding-dong. No, wait, that should be knock-knock.
Talking Doorknob:
Oh, who's there, who's there?
Goofy:
Oh, never mind. Knock-knock jokes stink.
Talking Doorknob:
Hmph. I take that as a personal slam on doors.
Goofy:
Well... there's Cubby, Darlene and... I know, Annette.
Mickey:
Is that your final answer?
Talking Spotlight:
Hey. Lighten up.
Horace Horsecollar:
No. You lighten up.
Cinderella:
But Mickey, I need the pumpkin. It's my ride home.
Mickey:
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I'll find you a new ride home.
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Cinderella:
Well, all right, but I must leave by midnight.
Mickey:
There's a spinning teacup illegally parked. License plate: R-U-DIZZY.
Mad Hatter:
That's mine.
Daisy:
Table for
Donald:
Oh no.
Timon:
Waiter. There's a fly in my friend's soup. I want one too. Hey, Simba, what did you get in your soup?
Simba:
Rafiki.
Clarabelle:
Dopey may leave the Seven Dwarfs to pursue more dramatic roles. Next, over at Lady and the Tramp's, Tramp came home late and caused a bit of a dog fight between him and Lady...
Max:
You got me a car?
Goofy:
Even better. I got you your own parking space.
Mickey:
See ya real soon.
[Pete is accused of stealing the cartoons]
Pete:
This rope isn't mine. My fingerprints here don't prove nothin' and I don't even know Horace Horsecollar.
Horace:
Hey Pete.
Pete:
Oh, hey Horace. How's it goin'?
Horace:
Goin' all right? How's the wife and kids?
Pete:
Can't complain.
Big Bad Wolf:
Three little pigs in a blanket.
Goofy:
What're you all doin'?
Mickey:
Just hanging out with Max.
Goofy:
I thought you were trying to keep me from seein' that car Max crashed through the wall.
Max:
Head waiter is the easiest job. All you do is order the penguins around and read the funny menu.
Pete:
You did put on a show, even if Mickey Mouse prancin' around in Christmas lights ain't much of one.
Max:
HOLD IT. Will everybody PLEASE stop fussing over us. I hate to complain, but I asked for us to be left alone and I've never seen so many people in my life. What's next? A marching band?
[a marching band is waiting in the lobby]
Daisy:
Sorry, guys. Your gig's off.
Goofy:
[At the phone company] This is the party line. Oh, water line, red line, dandy line, hair line, life line, fe-line, airline, firin' line, incline.
[Donald Duck is wrapped up in phone lines]
Goofy:
I guess Donald is the "Line" King.
Voiceover:
In the hip-hop world, you want to be phat.
Goofy:
Fat? It's these pants, right?
Von Drake:
Hello there! And welcome to Von Drake's House of Genius. This is the house, and I am the genius.
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Daisy
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:
Goofy better hurry. Our guests are getting hungry.
Timothy Mouse:
We can surly use some food over here, right Dumbo?
[Dumbo spots Timothy as a peanut]
Timothy Mouse:
Dumbo?
Minnie Mouse:
The cartoon stopped? What's wrong?
Horace Horsecollar:
It wasn't me.
Mickey:
It's the Censor Monkeys! They stopped the cartoon!
Timothy Mouse:
Hey, where's Mickey?
Timon:
Yeah, having Mickey on stage might not be such a bad idea.
Mortimer Mouse:
[to Cinderella] Hey Cindy, you're looking for a shoe, I got one your size.
[imitating Dumbo]
Mortimer Mouse:
Hey, look at me! I'm Dumbo! Ha!
[Dumbo and Timothy stared at Mortimer because he imitates Dumbo]
Minnie Mouse:
Mickey, we're missing our first act, Jafar and Iago.
Mickey:
Gee. I hope they're not lost.
Iago:
We are so lost!
Jafar:
Calm down Iago, Mickey wouldn't replace us.
Pumbaa:
Hey Timon, I should tell you I got a rumbly in my tumbly.
[Pumbaa starts to rumble]
Timon:
[gasp] He's gonna blow!
[an ostrich hides in the cake]
Timothy Mouse:
Let's fly Dumbo!
[Dumbo flies]
Sneezy:
Ah-choo! I can't smell anything anyway.
Mickey:
Donald! Don't!
[When Donald tries to get Pumbaa out of the House of Mouse before he can stink up it, but it was too late]
Mickey:
Minnie! There's no audience.
Minnie Mouse:
I know, that's because nobody want's to see Pete day.
Mickey:
Aw, we knew this would happen, I bet Pete's really mad, huh?
Minnie Mouse:
Uh-uh! I'm busy right now! Bye-bye!
[Minnie runs away]
Mickey:
Say uh, Pluto, ha-ha!
Pluto:
Uh-uh!
[Pluto runs away]
Mickey:
Aw, Zipity Doo darn!
Mickey:
Well, Goofy, Super Goof, he's got to be non other than...
Clarabelle:
Dumbo!
Goofy:
Oh, come on! I maybe Goofy, but I'm not even that stupid!
Goofy:
[to Dumbo] Hyuck! Peanuts are going fast.
[Chip and Dale stoled the nuts from Dumbo]
Goofy:
See? What I tell you.
Basil of Baker Street:
Dawson you fool, can't you see it's a trap?
[Ratigan opens the drain]
Ratigan:
Curses!
[Jiminy accidently slouched Mickey]
Jiminy Cricket:
Uh-uh-uh! Don't slouch.
Minnie Mouse:
The problem is, he's Pinocchio's consience, not yours.
Mickey:
We just need a way for Jiminy to realize that.
[cut to Jiminy and Minnie]
Jiminy Cricket:
Me? Perform? Why, I don't know what to do.
Minnie Mouse:
Why, not let your consience be your guide?
Mike:
And now, Jiminy Cricket!
Mickey:
Oh, boy! Bibbidi Bobbidi Stew!
[the stew was gone, cut to Goofy]
Goofy:
Folks, I feel just awful. Does anyone need anything? Maybe some more stew?
Audience:
No!
Goofy:
Then I should break my leg.
Gaston:
No one breaks a leg like Gaston!
[goes to the side and breaks his leg]
Minnie Mouse:
Oh Clarabelle!
[runs off crying]
Lumiere:
Hey! Hey! Where's the fire?
Cogsworth:
She shouldn't be running off, isn't it her time?
Mother:
Don't touch the villain dear.
Pumbaa:
Hey Timon, I should tell you I got a rumbly in my tumbly.
[Pumbaa starts to rumble]
Sneezy:
[gasp] He's gonna blow!
[an ostrich hides in the cake]
Timothy Mouse:
Let's fly Dumbo!
[Dumbo flies]
Sneezy:
Ah-choo! I can't smell anything anyway.
Mickey:
Donald! Don't!
[When Donald tries to get Pumbaa out of the House of Mouse before he can stink up it, but it was too late]
[In "How to be a gentlemen]
Voiceover:
...and now onto the gentleman's wardrobe.
[a shade appears around Goofy, then moves away. He is wearing a blonde wig, eyeshadow, elbow-length gloves, an emerald ring, a red evening dress and red high heels]
Goofy:
Hyuk! Fetching!
Voiceover:
Ahem! A gentle-*MAN'S* wardrobe!
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