Kurt McKenna: [Brian and Kurt attempt to dissuade Simon from going travelling in South America:] Brian, word association: Paris? Brian Steadman: Croissants. Kurt McKenna: Spain? Brian Steadman: Bulls. Kurt McKenna: South America? Brian Steadman: Hostage situation. Kurt McKenna: Simon, will you please tell Brian that I don't need a lift? Simon Casey: [noticing smoke from Kurt's bad cooking] What the fuck? Brian Steadman: Simon, ask Kurt how else is he gonna get to school. Kurt McKenna: Tell Brian I'm gonna use Simon's bike! Brian Steadman: Remind Kurt that he broke Simon's bike at the weekend. Simon Casey: [angry] You broke Simon's bike? Kurt McKenna: Remind Brian he promised not to tell Simon that I'd broken his bike! Simon Casey: [to Brian] How did he break my bike? Kurt McKenna: Kurt's not sure. Brian Steadman: He dropped it. Simon Casey: [angry] How can you fucking drop it? Kurt McKenna: Please thank Brian for putting Kurt in the shit! [storms off] Brian Steadman: Tell Kurt that he still hasn't told Brian how he's going to get to school! Clare Hunter: I never want to see "for being a mong" in the detention book again. Brian Steadman: This has nothing to do with you being fat, which you're not, you're just healthy... in a large way. Kurt McKenna: Do you think J.P shagged her? Brian Steadman: No, he's gay. Kurt McKenna: Maybe he's bi-sexual? Brian Steadman: Lucky bastard! Kurt McKenna: How's that? Brian Steadman: Coz you can shag anyone! Clare Hunter: A spastic is someone with cerebral palsy, not someone who misses an open goal on the football field, Mr Steadman. Susan Gately: I'm going to have a baby. Kurt McKenna: Can't you get the drinks in first?
: [about JP] He loves Christmas Brian Steadman: [mimicking JP] It's fucking magic!