Barbra Jean:
Aw, there's my Reba-Rooba-Roo!
Reba:
[cheerfully] Call me that again and I'll slap the blonde right off ya!
Cheyenne:
Kyra, guess what Elisabeth's first word was.
Kyra:
Help?
Reba:
Do you know what a teenager is?
Barbra Jean:
A demon?
Reba:
Do you know what a teenager is?
Barbra Jean:
A demon... But I'm scared.
Reba:
Of course you're scared - you're living with a demon!
Barbra Jean:
[to Kyra] You bring people together. You're like a little Reverend Al Sharpton.
Barbra Jean:
Maybe next time I'll marry someone who's ex-wife appreciates me!
Reba:
Kyra, what on Earth would make you wanna hit someone?
Cheyenne:
It's her way of showing affection.
Kyra:
Yeah, that's right. Now why don't you come over here for a little hug.
Reba:
I know what Kyra is doing!
Brock Hart:
Like you did with Cheyenne?
Reba:
Oh, one time! The one time our daughter gets pregnant and I never hear the end of it!
[Cheyenne, 18, is planning her shotgun wedding]
Cheyenne:
Oh my gosh, honey, this is so much fun! We should have gotten married our junior year!
Reba:
No, sweetheart, you were right to wait.
Reba:
[when Kyra is helping B.J. feel better after she and Brock seperate] You're a beautiful young woman.
Kyra:
Or maybe you just raised me right. And I watch a lot of "7th Heaven".
Reba:
[when Kyra is helping cheer Barbra Jean up after she and Brock seperate] You are a beautiful young woman.
Kyra:
Or maybe you just raised me right. That and I watch a lot of "7th Heaven".
Electrician:
[to Barbara Jean, about Reba] Wow, your mom's a real grouch.
[Barbara Jean looks flattered]
Electrician:
[pause]
Barbra Jean:
I know, right?
Reba:
If Thanksgiving were a concert the turkey would be Cher.
Reba:
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If Thanksgiving were a concert, the turkey would be Cher.
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Barbra Jean:
So, you want to have Thanksgiving here, and you want Cher?
Reba:
That's right. I've got turkey, babe!
Reba:
Hey, Jake. What are you watching?
Jake Hart:
The Weather Channel. More rain for Brazil.
Reba:
[when Van gets an injury involving his spine and tail bone] It's a mother-in-law's job to make the best of a bad situation.
Van Montgomery:
[sarcastically] I thought it was a mother-in-law's job to make butt-jokes about her son-in-law.
Reba:
We wear many hats.
[Reba is shocked by Barbera Jean's new Reba haircut]
Barbra Jean:
So, what do you think? Is it me?
Reba:
[furiously] No. It's me!
Reba:
It's a mother-in-law's job to make the best out of a bad situation.
Van Montgomery:
[sarcastically] I thought it was a mother-in-law's job to make butt-jokes about her son-in-law.
Reba:
We wear many hats.
Van Montgomery:
I broke my butt!
Barbra Jean:
[in the hospital, after Cheyenne had a false labor, Barbra Jean sits down on a chair] Oh, my God! I think my water just broke!
Reba:
Oh no, you're sitting on my purse!
Reba:
Jake Mitchell Hart are you lying to me?
Jake Hart:
Yes! No one mocks me and gets away with it!
Reba:
So, did that boy even go upstairs?
Jake Hart:
No! And I didn't no he was a boy, I thought he was an ugly girl!
Reba:
You are in big trouble! no tv, no dessert, and Grandma gets her cell phone back!
[She takes the gameboy SP back and Jake runs upstairs]
Barbra Jean:
Boop! You've got mail!
[opens Kyra's laptop and makes poses]
Reba:
[to Brock] Boop! You've got a goof-ball!
Reba:
You treat that animal like it can walk on water!
Barbra Jean:
What is "dog" spelled backwards reba?
[conversation about why barbara jean's dog is missing goes on for another 2 minutes]
Van Montgomery:
GOD! it spells god.
Kyra:
I thought you said Barbra Jean is where brain cells go when they die.
[Van is sleeping, drooling on his sheets. Reba comes in telling him to wake up]
Van Montgomery:
Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!
Van Montgomery:
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I'll be with my friends, you'll be with yours. Then we'll hook up later. It'll be just like junior year! Except we're married, you're pregnant, and everything is different.
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Reba:
You want me to sign a permission form for bigamy?
Cheyenne:
[about the guest list for Thanksgiving] Who did you invite, Mom?
Reba:
Well, let's see; there's you and Van and not Barbara Jean; Mom and Dad, and not Barbara Jean; Kyra and Jake and not Barbra Jean and your dad and not Barbara Jean.
Cheyenne:
So, Barbara Jean isn't coming?
Reba:
How did you guess?
Reba:
[reading a card] Oh, no! It says here that Barbara Jean told Buzzard it was okay for him to write me and visit when he's in town!
Cheyenne:
Wait, this is Barbara Jean's brother Buzzard; right?
Reba:
Cheyenne, I would hate to think that I knew more than one person with the nickname 'Buzzard'.
Cheyenne:
[as Van eats cereal directly out of the box] Honey, what are you doing?
Van Montgomery:
I'm trying to get the prize, and if I do it with my hands it's unsanitary.
Cheyenne:
Oh, and that's a lot better than a giant bulging cereal gut.
Van Montgomery:
[laughing] Oh! Ha,ha! You're funny, sweetheart. That's why I married you - your sense of humor. Oh wait, no. It was the baby.
Dolly Majors:
And you are gonna be the prettiest woman in the office!
Reba:
Oh, Second to you!
Dolly Majors:
Hey, we're not comparing apples and melon's here.
Cheyenne:
[about Kyra living with Barbra Jean and Brock] She must be making their lives a living nightmare.
Reba:
[laughs] I know!
[Straightens up]
Reba:
I mean...
[firmly]
Reba:
I know.
[Van laying on the bed because he cant play football Friday night]
Cheyenne:
Wanna go to the movies?
Van Montgomery:
No.
Cheyenne:
Wanna fool around?
Van Montgomery:
No.
Cheyenne:
Wanna eat some pizza?
Van Montgomery:
No.
Cheyenne:
[Yells] MOM!
Brock Hart:
Reba, where'd this come from?
Reba:
Wrong Answer.
Reba:
Who would spennd 4,000 dollars on a diamond princess tiara, foxy women linguire, and go on a 175 dollar shopping spree and Joy for Jesus Bookstore.
Kyra:
Barbra Jean!
[repeted line]
Reba:
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