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"Two Pints of Lager (And a Packet of Crisps)
(2001)
-
Jonny:
I thought you kept the alcohol level in your blood too high to conceive.
Jonny:
My daughter will want for nothing. She'll have dollies-a-plenty. And bears but no clowns, they scare me. And on a perfect summer's eve, when the sun dances like... Michael Flatley... after our dinner of spaghetti hoops, we shall run like Billy-ho himself, down to a sea so calm it would make Des Lynam look like a big, scary wolfman. She will be the most cherished little girl in the whole world. My little Ferrari.
Janet:
Jonny, I'm not pregnant.
Jonny:
Oh thank fuck for that!
Janet:
Louise, if you get any bonier you're gonna look like the Jolly Roger.
Gaz:
I need a sort of... a sort of chunky woman, you know, who brings me sandwiches and puts Matey in me bath.
Gaz:
Donna - I've never asked you this before and it seems a bit stupid since we've been shagging each other's brains out for the last month but... would you like to go for a drink sometime?
Louise:
You've never practiced safe sex in your life. You've picked up more dirt than a JCB in your time!
Donna:
I'm fine with porn. What I'm not fine with is enough porn to keep the entire British forces from missing their girlfriends!
Janet:
I got into his head. It's amazing what a bit of male psychological manipulation can do. And getting my baps out on the first date didn't do any harm either...
[running down the stairs]
Jonny:
I heard the sound of tumbling biscuits!
Gaz:
[in bed with Donna] Fancy a bit of "role play", then? My sleeping beauty, I am your prince and shall awaken you with my mighty sword.
[thrusts]
Gaz:
I'm going to *stab* you with it.
Gaz:
[the song Gaz sings every night before he sleeps so not to dream about sheep] Bringing in the sheep, bringing in the sheep. What do we do before we sleep? We bring in all the sheep.
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