Dean Richmond: Deals come and go. Wellman will always be Wellman. But you know what bothers me? I walking down the street and this 8-year old boy says, Look Mommy, there's the Hamster's BITCH! Sherman Klump: Buddy Love, I am SICK, and TIRED, of your S-H... Dean Richmond: I. Sherman Klump: Thank you. T-E! Buddy Love: Oh, ho-ho-ho. My shite? [Sherman is serenading Denise with the assistance of a crap Mexican band] Sherman: Denise will you... Buddy: Hey Sherman. You hear me Sherman? Sherman: ...Denise will ya? Will ya? Let me come up there and put my beef in your taco? Mexican band: ...Put his beef in your taco! Denise: What? Sherman: No, no... Granny: You better eat up Isaac, 'cause you gonna need your strength. Yeah, later on, me and Isaac gonna watch "Mating Season on the Serengeti." Doesn't take a lot to get Isaac going Cletus: Timeout! Let me call a timeout on that Anna: Lord, my, my. Cletus: I don't want to hear about you old-ass geriatrics Granny: Oh, yeah Cletus? Me and Isaac might be dried up geriatrics, but ain't nothing wrong with Isaac'a love tackle. [Table falls silent] Ernie: Oh snap now Granny: What's a matter Cletus, cat got your tongue? Did I step on a nerve Cletus? I get ya, got ya, got ya! Grandma Klump: Hey Cletus, who dat der piece of bisghetti remind you of? Maybe Mr. Johnson perhaps? Granny: Come on Cletus, come on right now! But I'm gonna tell you something, I gotta a razor in this here bag. Cletus: Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something, that ain't even no bag you got in your hand, that's your titty. Anna: Cletus! Cletus: She's an old bag with old bag tittie. Ernie (quietly to Ernie Jr.): Heh, he called Grandma a titty bag [Isaac, Granny's boyfriend, walks to the dinner table] Cletus: Well if it isn't the world's oldest living Negro! Hey how's things going on the Underground Railroad Isaac? Granny:
The other day I got out the shower and I bend down to reach for a towel, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought "Oh, Lord." I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty.
Anna: You don't need a breast reduction, just be more careful. Granny: Both feet too, both feet. Grandma Klump: Does Cletus know I'm strapped? Cletus: Come on, shoot. Grandma Klump: I'm strapped, nigga! [the chorus just finished singing 'Happy Day'] Ernie: Happy day, happy day, happy day my ass. Denise: [persistent] Sherman, look at me! Who am I? Sherman Klump: Ah, pretty lady! Denise: [sobbing] Oh, honey! It's going to be okay, I'll take care of you. Sherman Klump: [at same time] Yeah, nice lady! Cletus: Come on, lets get him home. Anna: [Answering door] Oh my goodness! Is there a fire? Fireman Stripper: Yes ma'am. I'm afraid there is. Anna: I don't smell no smoke. [sniffs] Fireman Stripper: [Walks in and beings playing music from stereo] There's a fire in my pants, and it's getting muy caliente! [begins stripping] Party Guest, Party Guest, Bridesmaid, Denise: Ooh! [laugh and clap]