Jesse:
Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
Chester:
Oh ,that's my alter ego.
Jesse:
Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego.
Chester:
No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
Jesse:
Oh yeah.
Chinese Foooood Lady:
And then?
Jesse:
No "and then"!
Chinese Foooood Lady:
And then!
Jesse:
Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Chester:
Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
Jesse:
No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
Chester:
Is that what that is?
Jesse:
Yeah, I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
Chester:
Yeah!
Jesse:
You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
Chester:
We can?
Jesse:
Yeah! And you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? Coz we love them.
Chester:
And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
Jesse:
Yeah. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna go down the impound lot and get the car...
Chester:
...which has the gifts in it...
Jesse:
...and then we're gonna go over to the twins house and beg for them to take us back!
Chester:
Yeah! Let's do it!
Jesse:
Oh, no, hold on. I gotta take a crap.
Chester:
Told you.
Jesse:
I know.
Chester:
I know your body.
[Pierre has a deep French ascent]
Pierre:
But luckily for you, I am an honorable man.
Mark:
Excuse me, what was that?
Pierre:
Honorable!
Mark:
What? Onadouble?
[Pierre and Mark continue alternating, saying "Honorable" and "Onudable"]
Mark:
I think you're trying to say "honorable"!
Pierre:
What do I have to do to shut you up? Do I have to hose you down again?
Mark:
No, no the hose!
[pause]
Mark:
Maybe later.
[Jeese and Chester come across an ostrich]
Jesse:
Dude, it's a llama!
[Chester refuses to leave a strip club]
Jesse:
Dude, this is an *emergency*!
Chester:
So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!
Jesse:
I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!
Jesse:
Dude, where's my car?
Chester:
Where's your car dude?
Jesse:
DUDE, where's my car?
Chester:
Where's your car dude?
Jesse:
Have you seen my car?
Christie Boner:
Yeah.
Jesse:
You have?
Christie Boner:
Well, I saw the backseat.
Jesse:
No, I'm talking about the whole thing.
Jumpsuit Chick #1:
We are not guys. We are hot chicks.
[as Super Hot Giant Alien passes overhead, a Father and Son see up her skirt]
Birthday Son:
I want to go on that ride, Daddy.
Birthday Father:
Me, too, Son. Me, too.
[Repeated line]
Chester and Jesse:
Shibby!
Chester:
Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.
Jesse:
Shibby!
Chester:
Low five.
[Jesse & Chester's answering machine message]
Jesse:
Jesse...
Chester:
...and Chester are shibby at the moment.
Jesse:
Please your shibby at the beep.
Jesse & Chester:
Shibby.
[Jesse and Chester have tattoos on their backs that say "dude" and "sweet."]
Jesse:
Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester:
So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse:
"Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester:
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
"Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester:
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
"Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester:
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
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"Sweet!" What about mine?
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Chester:
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
"Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester:
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
"Sweet!" What about mine?
[later]
Chester:
[angry] "Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse:
[screaming] "Sweet!"
Jesse:
Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying.
[Chester slaps him]
Jesse:
Thanks, dude.
[repeated line]
Tommy:
Stoner-bashin' time!
Zarnoff:
[introducing the Zoltan cult] My name is Zarnoff. This is Zabu, Zellnor, Zelbor, Zelmina, and, uh, Jeff.
Jeff:
Hey.
[about the hot chicks]
Chester:
Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts!
[starts crying]
Chester:
Is that a barn?
Jesse:
Is it red?
Chester:
No.
Jesse:
Then it isn't a barn!
Chester:
How wasted were we last night?
Jesse:
Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.
Jesse:
Look, dude. It's those two totally gay Nordic dudes at 10 o'clock!
Totally Gay Nordic Dudes:
We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.
[Jesse attacked a speaker box]
Chester:
Well, you didn't have to go all egg roll on that speaker box, dude.
Jesse:
I'm not the one who called the Dali Lama a fag!
Jesse:
I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe.
Jesse:
I don't want to go down in history as the dude who destroyed the universe!
Jesse:
Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
Chester:
Can he also bong a beer?
Nelson:
Nah, all he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.
Jesse:
You know what we should do?
Chester:
Eat?
Jesse:
No.
[thinks for a moment]
Jesse:
Eat!
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:
[to Jesse] It's Mrs. Crabbleman! Maybe she'll give us a ride. Mrs. Crabbleman! Mrs. Crabbleman!
[runs into the middle of the street]
Chester:
Mrs. Crabblman!
Mrs. Crabbleman:
[see's Chester]
Chester:
Mrs. Crabbleman!
Mrs. Crabbleman:
[swerves to the right and hits Chester with her car] Fuckin' stoners.
Jesse:
[after being arrested] Chester, I've seen this on Cops! Fight back!
Chester:
[to a policeman] Can you turn on the siren?
Mark:
I've been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days but who's countin' HAHAHA
Mark:
E-mail me ok "Freakincage.com"
Jumpsuit Chick #1:
First you give us the continuum transfunctioner, then we give you oral pleasure.
Jesse:
I've heard that one before...
Wilma:
You'd better stay away from our boyfriends.
Wanda:
You fake-breasted sluts!
[a plastic doll has just taken a lot of punishment]
Chester:
Hang in there buddy!
Pierre:
Can I get you guys some beers?
Mark:
I'd like a "Near Beer," please.
Pierre:
SHUT UP!
[smacks Mark's cage with horsewhip]
Pierre:
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO SHUT YOU UP?
Alien Nordic Dude:
But the universe?
Jesse:
[mocking the Nordic dude's accent] "Screw the Universe!"
Alien Nordic Dudes:
Screw the universe?
Jesse:
I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
Mr. Pizzacoli:
A trained dolphin could deliver pizzas better than you two!
Jesse:
But then the pizzas would get all wet.
Jesse:
Look, an elephant!
Mr. Pizzacoli:
[turning around] What?
Jesse:
Sorry, I guess it was just the mailman.
Chester:
Look, a unicorn!
[Mr. Pizzacoli looks]
Mr. Pizzacoli:
A unicorn?
Chester:
Sorry, I guess it was just a regular horse.
Zoltan:
You gotta activate the...
Space Nerds:
Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam!
Jesse:
What?
Mr. Pizzacoli:
They said The Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam, YOU FOOL!
Chester:
Hurry, activate it, dude!
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[a small panel on the Transfunctioner reads "Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam"] 复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
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Chester:
I think that's it, dude.
Jesse:
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Jumpsuit Chick #1:
If you are Jesse and Chester, maybe we will give you erotic pleasure.
Jesse:
That's us!
Chester:
Right here!
Jesse:
Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
Chester:
[opens cupboard] I'd say it's entirely possible.
[Jesse and Chester are looking up at the Super Hot Giant Alien]
Jesse:
That is amazing!
Chester:
Yeah! Those are the bigest hoo-hoos I've ever seen
Alien Nordic Dude #1:
Could you please tell us where we may find the continuum transfuctioner?
Chinese Foooood Lady:
And then?
Alien Nordic Dude #1:
And then we may go and get it?
Chinese Foooood Lady:
And then?
[pause]
Alien Nordic Dude #2:
Can I get an order of shrimp fried rice?
Zoltan:
We'll travel through space... with cool aliens who LIKE us!
[first lines]
Jesse:
What's up?
Chester:
Animal Planet!
Jesse:
Man, I just had the craziest dream.
Chester:
About what?
Jesse:
I don't remember
[chuckles]
Mr. Pizzacoli:
Damn! Now those are some big-ass panties.
Tania:
I'm a gender-challenged male.
Jesse:
[shouts] Whoa! Dude, you're a dude!
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse:
And then I'm gonna come back there and put my foot in your ass if you say "and then" again!
Nelson:
Deep inside your consciousness you must look. Concentrate on the knowledge inside you must.
Zelmina, Space Nerd #3:
Does he have to talk like that?
Christie Boner:
I like the way you talk.
Zoltan:
Quick! To my parents' minivan!
Tommy:
Quick, to my step-dad's pickup truck!
[At the police station]
Jesse, Officer Rick:
[go to High Five]
Jesse:
[Pulls back] Sucker!
Officer Rick:
Oh, whose the goose, guys! I'm the goose!
Chester:
You're such a goose!复制复制成功复制失败，请手动复制
