Gerry Fleck: Don't water the plants, they're plastic! Buck Laughlin: Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400! Buck Laughlin: Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team? Hamilton Swan: Honey, I'm thinking of switching to the mock turtleneck? Meg Swan: Is that not breathing? Hamilton Swan: Well, it's breathing now, but it'll be hot down there. I could go with the lambswool, but then again, you'll see a lot of khaki down there and this merlot looks good with the gray. Sherri Ann Cabot: Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III: And really, I think what we're talking about is standards, basically; very, very specific, rigid, you could say, but in this world where would we be without them, I think. And notice where we are. Stefan Vanderhoof: I think we're overpacking. Stefan Vanderhoof: [discussing the calendar] We're not gonna sell, just give it out to friends. Scott Donlan: I think we should try to sell it. Stefan Vanderhoof: Really? Scott Donlan: Yeah. Stefan Vanderhoof: Well, if we could give the money to Shih Tzu rescue. Scott Donlan: They have plenty of money. Stefan Vanderhoof: Well so do we. Scott Donlan: What Shih Tzus need rescuing anyway? You don't see Shih Tzus straggling around the streets in an old coat "help, alms for the poor". Stefan Vanderhoof: Like the little match girl.
: Have you tried looking under the bed? Meg Swan: Of course I've looked under the bed, of course I've looked under the bed. That's where you look when you lose things. Meg Swan: We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other. Hamilton Swan: I remember what I was drinking when I met you. It was a grande espresso. Meg Swan: That's right. And I thought that was really sexy. Meg Swan: We are *so* lucky. We are *so* lucky to have been raised amongst catalogs. Hamilton Swan: I'm now a big old tchai tea latte soy milk kind of guy. Meg Swan: Mmm. Soy. Because of the lactose. You're lactose intolerant now. Stefan Vanderhoof: Too much information. Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor? Nurse: Uh, no. Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical! Meg Swan: Thanks a lot, you stupid hotel manager! Buck Laughlin: That looks like a fast dog Buck Laughlin: Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact. Max Berman: ...but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down and this guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head [snaps fingers] Max Berman: pops off like a grape. The body continues to spin down like a whirl-a-gig. When they hit, everything pops out. It's like a piñata The intestines, like they're spring-loaded, pop out. [trying to coerce his son to get down from jumping off the roof] Max Berman: I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that? Hotel Manager: We have you down for a queen. Scott Donlan: What are you suggesting... my dear man. [When Beatrice goes to lick his face] Hamilton Swan: Don't!... not the lips... [at the butcher] Stefan Vanderhoof: Now, Tyrone would like some of those beef kidneys so we'll have a half pound of those. Scott Donlan: No, not the kidneys, it's the membranes, I don't wanna have to pull those things off.