Jackie Chan, an amateur archelogist, would prefer to quietly do his work for the local university, but fate has dealt another hand. That hap...更多>
Uncle: You forget to make coffee this morning! Coffee is the only thing keeping Uncle's ancient heart beating! You want dead Uncle? [after the Dark Hand arrives to get the tiger talisman] Jade: What are we gonna do? Jackie Dark: Laugh like clowns while they beg for mercy. Jackie Light: RUN! This is no place for children! Jackie: Jade, these are my friends. Jade: Your friends knocked you out and took you to their secret underground base? Jackie: Uhm... yes. Jade: America is SO cool! Jackie Chan: Captain Black, I thought all Dark Hand matters had been reassigned to Section 12? Capt. Black: That may be so, but I'm not gonna sit pretty while the Dark Hand strolls into my backyard to had a hall pass to a hobgoblin. Jade: Captain Black is in the house. Ratso: [grabbing talisman bag] We'll take those. Chow: Who the heck are you? Finn: Oooh, I know! He's the drummer from KISS! [Jackie has just been rendered mute, and is mouthing at Uncle] Uncle: [smacks him] I cannot read your lips! Your accent is too thick! Jade: Have the movies taught you nothing? Whoever goes to get the firewood is always the creeping terror's first victim! Jackie: So THAT'S what happened to the other little girl I sent to get firewood... Finn: "That'll teach you to mess with Finn 2.0." (Uncle zaps him with his magic blowfish.) Uncle: And that will teach you to mess with Uncle, Original Recipe. [Shen Du has taken possession of Jade's body at an amusement park and is posing for a photo] Melvin Moose: Duh, smile for the camera. Shen Du (in Jade's body): Soon, I will devour your soul. Melvin Moose: [gasp] [Uncle has accidently placed the spirits of Jackie and Jade in the wrong bodies] <
b>Uncle: I told you it was complicated! Jackie Chan: [In Jade's body, pointing to Jade's fringe] Jade, How do you keep this out of your eyes? Tohru: If I was a clone, would I know? Capt. Black, Jackie, Jade: Tohru has a mommy? [repeated line] Uncle: One more thing... Uncle: Magic must defeat magic. Future Jade: Dragon's breath is magic, duh! Uncle: Jackie, who is smarty-pants know-it-all good chi wizard who looks like Jade? [realizes it's Adult Jade] Uncle: Ay ya! Tohru: [speaking like Jade] I'll be stuck in Jade mode, forever? eeww. Jade: [speaking like Uncle] You would rather have Uncle's chi? I cannot stop thinking about digestion! [after the Ox talisman turns her into a musclebound powerhouse] Jade: Whoa... Talismans. They do a body *good.* [repeated line] Uncle: Aiiee-yaaaahh! Uncle: Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fie Di Jow!... Evil spirits and malevolent demons, be gone! Uncle: Uncle does not know. Does Uncle look like psychic? Uncle: Uncle is grumpy old geezer...! Uncle: Do not question Uncle!