Gordie Boggs: Buenos nachos! Sasha: I didn't know you spoke Spanish. Gordie Boggs: Yeah, I took it in high school... a bunch of times. Sasha: Are you fluent? Gordie Boggs: No, I feel fine. Goldberg: Can you... say it now? Cashier: I'm your bitch and you're my daddy. Jimmy King: Rolled right off his tongue. Gordie Boggs: I puke all the time, and I'm not a pussy. Sasha: I'd love you to show me your awesome moves... Gordie Boggs: Are you sure? Sasha: I'm sure. Jimmy King: What's she gonna do boob em to death? Sean Dawkins: How's my hair look? Finesse? Gordie Boggs: Bro, you're driving a truck full of ass juice. I wouldn't worry about your hair. Gordie Boggs: We're going back to basics. To find our heart. Sasha: Can I come? Gordie Boggs: No, because you don't have one. Sean Dawkins: Hey Gordy? Gordie Boggs: Yea? Sean Dawkins: Why does it look like you have your finger in your butt? Gordie Boggs: Because I do... stupid. Eugenia King: What are ya high? I haven't seen him in two years. All I've got to remember him by is an itchy crotch. You ever see crabs up close? Wanna see? Gordie Boggs: Fantastic! Gordie Boggs: There's a lot of glare coming off that dome of yours, squirrel nuts! Cashier: Listen to me sunshine, I'm gonna open up a fresh can of whoop-ass on ya boy! Gordie Boggs: BRING IT ON! Jimmy King: Give me the stuff or I'll crown ya! Gordie Boggs, Sean Dawkins: IT'S HIM! IT'S THE KING! Sean Dawkins: I'll get the... um, um, um... the cheeseburger Maxi Meal. Gordie Boggs: ...and the Brittany bare-ass buffet! Gordie Boggs: You telling me the King's a queen? Jimmy King: I will rule you! Goldberg: [Jimmy King was just asked if he intends to go for the tag-team championship] Jimmy, it looks like you need a tag-team partner. What do you say? Jimmy King: Bill, I appreciate it, really I do, but I think I already have me a tag-team partner around here somewhere. [Gordy and Sean enter the ring. Jimmy points at them] Jimmy King: That's him, that's my tag-team partner. That's Gordy Boggs a.k.a. *the law*! Gordie Boggs: [points finger at camera in a pose] [shouts] Gordie Boggs: I will bust you! Jimmy King: And here's our new manager, Sean "Sugardaddy" Dawkins. Mr. Boggs: Woah! What the hell are these? Sean Dawkins: Those are my nuts. Mr. Boggs: Wouldn't you like to be on the other side of this search? Sean Dawkins: You want me to grab your nuts? Gordie Boggs: Hey kid! Move your fat head. I can't see the fight. Sean Dawkins: Sorry, Uncle Billy said these were good seats. Gordie Boggs: Uncle Billy sucks! Sean Dawkins: Hey, Uncle Billy lost his right nut in 'nam. Gordie Boggs: Well kick him in his left nut when you see him. These seats bite! Sean Dawkins: If you only have one left, is it still your left nut? Sean Dawkins: We're gonna be there! We're going! Mrs. MacKenzie: Get me a T-shirt... a really tight one... Gordie Boggs: That's gross, Mrs. MacKenzie. Mr. Boggs: You gonna be a wrestler? You got trouble wrestlin' your wee-wee out of your trousers to take a leak! Gordie Boggs: It's not that I have trouble... just sometimes I don't see the point. Gordie Boggs: What about Wendy? She digs you! Sean Dawkins: No... she's too much like one of the guys. Gordie Boggs: That's bad? Sean Dawkins: That's gay. [both guys crying] Sean Dawkins: Damn allergies. Gordie Boggs: Yeah, me too. Damn stupid allergies. Sean Dawkins: Unfair, bogus allergies! Gordie Boggs: Unfair, cheating, blind ref, bogus Sinclair allergies! Sean Dawkins: Damn Dallas Page! Gordie Boggs: That's right, Sean! Let it out man! Sean Dawkins: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
: All right, it's a little strange! But what are we supposed to do? Gordie Boggs: Exactly! Sean Dawkins: *What*? Gordie Boggs: Uh... you're parents aren't dead anymore either... Gordie Boggs: You guys better get out of here. My dad'll shoot you. He will. Jimmy King: I just gave him a little flick! Sean Dawkins: Well, he's your friend, right? And you can't turn your back on a friend!... Right? Mr. Boggs: Just cause it's your dream doesn't make it right or noble or whatever! Charles Mason was following his dream! Joseph Stalin, Michael Bolton, you get the picture! Sean Dawkins: That's my best friend in the whole world right there!... He's not really a cop though! Jimmy King: I got three words for you, baby! Nine One One! Sean Dawkins: Give us a "Rule You" please? C'mon! Gordie Boggs: No, no, no, wait, give us a "Be Gone!" Jimmy King: How bout this... GO GET MY DAMN BEER YOU FRIGGIN MORONS! Jimmy King: Wakie Wakie, Hands off Snakey! [Sal springs up from a trap door behind Perry Saturn and Sid Vicious] Sal Bandini: Sal Bandini! Wanna wrestle? Sal Bandini: Don't let up until you hear cartilage snap, or they crap in their pants. Sal Bandini: [to Jimmy King] Kickin' me was right. Checkin' to see if I was okay was wrong. Sean Dawkins: Crown us. Crown us, c'mon. Gordie Boggs: Crown us! Sean Dawkins: Please crown us! Gordie Boggs: CROWN US! Jimmy King: Yeah! [Bashes Sean and Gordie's heads] Gordie Boggs: Aw, that was great, man! Jimmy King: Ya happy now? [Sean and Gordie sleep and snores] Gordie Boggs: But, Dad, it's my dream! Mr. Boggs: Well, your dream is stupid! [last lines] Sal Bandini: God bless America! Sean Dawkins: Tonight we rejoice! We rejoice with the King in his motorcastle! Gordie Boggs: PARTYYY!