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"Gimme, Gimme, Gimme"
(1999)
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James Dreyfus
演员
饰Tom Farrell (...
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Kathy Burke
演员
饰Linda La Hugh...
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Beth Goddard
演员
饰Suze Littlewo...
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Linda La Hughes:
I ain't phobic about 'omos, I just can't stand the sight of 'em!
Linda La Hughes:
I've had my best sex in the dark. Well blokes prefer it that way, don't they?
Linda La Hughes:
Don't touch what ya can't afford!
Linda La Hughes:
I wouldn't mind him putting his hand up my skirt and moving my lips, if you know what I mean!
Linda La Hughes:
Tom, I can't be a lesbian, I mean, look at me, I'm gorgeous!
Tom:
Loads of lezzers are gorgeous! Take...
[Thinks for a long time]
Tom:
Velma from Scooby Doo.
Linda La Hughes:
There aint no such thing as bisexuality, it's just greediness.
Linda La Hughes:
D'you know, I think they must a got a puppy for Christmas, cos I could hear her fella shouting in the background "I'm not havin' that dog back in my house" and then she said "party's off".
[Tom pauses for a moment to absorbs this, and then we see a smirk come across his face]
Tom:
You're such a sad bitch!
Tom:
Why are you wearing more makeup than Scritti Politti?
Joe:
Joseph was like Jesus' stepdad.
Suze:
So who was his real 'dad'?
Sugar Walls:
We had to stick her in a kennel from the age of eight, just so we could get some bloody sleep!
Linda La Hughes:
You make it sound abnormal.
[Talking to the forgetful funeral director]
Bob Hobbs:
Well it's traditional to tell family and friends. I mean, ya can tell a complete stranger, but they don't often give a...
Linda:
Shit?
Bob Hobbs:
Donation.
Rick Cheesecloth:
Oh Linda, butt out or get pretty! One or the two, eh?
Linda La Hughes:
Tom, I ain't a pussy-person. When people look at me, they don't think 'cat', they think 'dog'.
Beryl:
I didn't know Tom was epileptic.
[Linda's son Zippy is trying to find out who is father is from his birth certificate]
Zippy:
It says here his name was Owen Nistand
Linda:
What?
Zippy:
Owen Nistand
Linda:
Let me see
[looks at it]
Linda:
Oh! Hahahahaha! That's not Owen Nistand that's one night stand! Your daddy was a one night stand! I wasn't good at spelling in those days.
[about Zippy's father]
Linda:
All I remember is that I was at a party and he was dressed as a pillar box.
Tom:
Was it a fancy dress part, mummy?
Linda:
Well this is the worrying thing daddy, no.
Zippy:
Are you pleased to see me?
Linda:
Of course I'm pleased to see you Zippy. It's just a shock, I haven't been this shocked since well I gave birth to you. I thought you were wind, I very nearly called you Fart.
[Suze has black around her mouth]
Tom:
Why have you blacked up? I just want to say that if I find that offensive and ridic. Honestly what does Jez think of all this nonsense.
Suze:
Take a chill pill Tom, I've been eating coal.
[to Sugar Walls, Linda's celebrity sister]
Tom:
You're very popular on the gay scene.
Linda:
So is amyl nitrate and they both smell like old socks.
Linda:
Should have taken in a show. I love a good play.
[Tom looks at her in disbelief]
Tom:
You? The last play you went to see was "The Chip 'n' dales"; which, incidentally, is not a play.
Linda:
It was in a theatre. It had an interval. I had ice cream.
Tom:
The theatre should be exciting.
Linda:
I was stuck to my seat.
Jez Littlewood:
Three years.
Linda La Hughes:
Oh I bet your gagging for a nibble on another plate of muffins!
Tom:
Oh, what do you know about love?
Linda La Hughes:
I know it's in the dictionary between labia and lust.
Linda La Hughes:
I should've been black. It's only a fluke of nature that I weren't.
Linda La Hughes:
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? What a rip off! Phone a friend? What if you haven't got any friends?
Linda La Hughes:
Oh my God who's that gorgeous creature? Oh my God it's me!
Linda La Hughes:
I am the auburn Jerry Hall.
Linda La Hughes:
Excuse me, will have have sex with me?
Tom:
I'll, erm, be fingering through Richard the Third 'til he comes.
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:
Well, German's are very misunderstood people, Tom. Take Fritz' mum Helga, she'll sit on your face, as soon as look at you.
Melinda Messenger:
[dream sequence] Linda, I wish I looked half as good as you in that dress
Linda La Hughes:
Keep dreaming babe!
Linda La Hughes:
I Love smoking, me... Mummy gave me my first ciggy when I was 10, and I've never looked back!
Tom:
Well, I've got to say, Linda, this is a surprise.
Linda La Hughes:
Tom... You know I smoke.
Beverly-Jane:
Oh, Beverly-Anne. Can you get the keys for 315 please?
Beverly-Anne:
Can-do Beverly-Jane.
Beverly-Jane:
Off your face on pills, Sir?
Tom:
I am twatted!
Beverly-Jane:
Is that a Welsh name, Sir?
Beverly-Anne:
315, Sir!
Tom:
Wait, wait, wait. This is not what it looks like! We are brothers and we are only sharing 1 room because it's cheaper than two.
Beverly-Anne:
Good night, Sir! And happy shagging. Do you think they're on drugs, Beverly-Jane?
Beverly-Jane:
I don't know about them, But I'm buzzing my nut off, Beverly-Anne.
Beverly-Anne:
Hmm, me too. Beverly-Jane.
[the two start dancing idiotically]
Linda La Hughes:
Urgh! Taxi-Twat was in my bed all along!
Linda La Hughes:
I feel like that fucking trannie from Coronation Street!
Linda La Hughes:
Oh, Zippy, I could talk to you till the cows come home. In fact that's what Daddy used to say to me when I came in of a night "Oh, look, the cow's come home."
Linda La Hughes:
I should be a glam mum like Scary Spice... Tits up here, arse out there, Max Beesley giving me a lick.
Miss Twitch:
I love your dress sense, Linda.
Linda La Hughes:
Think like a slut. Dress like a slut.
Tom:
What have you done? You foolish, foolish child!
Linda La Hughes:
I've opened our back garden up as a camp site.
Simon Shepherd:
Is that physically possible with a bar of soap?
Tom:
Two words, Simon - patience and practice.
Linda La Hughes:
No, Tom! Don't go near the windows! Don't go near the windows!
Tom:
Why?
Linda La Hughes:
Umm... Because Tom, Did you know that 175% of all drive-by shootings happen near French Windows?
Tom:
Twiggy preserve us.. One is no longer safe in one's own home... It's like that really scary movie, that really violent one. Damn, what's it called? Chocolate Orange!
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:
Tom? You've got a headache.
[She punches him]
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