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"Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy"
(1999)
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[Jimmy has chicken pox]
Ed:
It's so gross. Can I touch it?
Eddy:
It's just a little fib, Double D. Kevin would probably pound me if I told him my brother ain't showing up.
Ed:
Did he miss another bus, Eddy? Busses can be so cruel!
Mysterious Voice:
And hard on the caboose, if you know what I mean!
Edd:
Eddy, someone's at your door.
Eddy:
I'll bet it's Kevin! I'll show him!
[Eddy's brother enters]
Eddy:
Uh oh, it's my brother!
Edd:
YOUR BROTHER?
Ed:
YOUR BROTHER!
Eddy:
[nervously] Uh, hiya bro. How's it going?... HONEST, IT WASN'T ME! THEY'RE ALL LYING! I SWEAR! Is there anything I can do for you? Huh?
Eddy's brother:
Get me a triple scoop bannanna split sundae with chocolate sauce, marshmallows, lots of nuts!
Eddy:
Hey, whatever happened to that lactose thing you...
Eddy's brother:
[shows his fist] See this?
Edd:
Hurry! I'll get the ice cream!
Eddy:
I'll get the chocolate sauce!
Ed:
And I'll get the nuts!
Edd:
Wait! Don't forget the marshmallows!
Eddy's brother:
Hurry it up!
[Eddy's brother turns out to be Sarah and Jimmy]
Sarah:
Watch what you're doing, Jimmy!
Jimmy:
It's these darn stilts! They make me all clumsy, Sarah!
Ed:
Hey!... What flavor ice cream did you want?
Sarah:
[imitating Eddy's brother] Chocolate.
Ed:
Okey-dokey!
[to Eddy]
Ed:
Your brother wants chocolate, Eddy!
[Jimmy giggles]
Sarah:
Brothers are such idiots!
Ed:
Is it so wrong to be liked?
Eddy:
Ha ha ha. I'm going to be king.
[Eddy crazily stuffs tags with his name on it - with some flying out - in the blue box. We hear drilling FX]
Edd:
Well, Eddy. It seems that is the fake box so your shananagans won't let you cheat.
[Edd has the real ballot box]
Rolf:
Eddy! How dare you cut Rolf in the front?
Eddy:
Ueh, what are you talking about - the front's that way!
[Which Eddy points his finger where the back is]
Edd:
[Strictly] I've been watching you and...
Eddy:
Whatever!
[Eddy stuffs his leg inside Edd's mouse causing him to look like a vacuum bag, with air in it]
Ed:
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Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
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Jonny2X4:
[talking to Plank] Do you think he'll lay an egg, buddy?
Ed:
If only we had a sack of potatoes.
Edd:
Ed. Potatoes won't aid us in any way.
Ed:
Have mercy, child of the nether-world!
Ed:
Shwiggety Shwag what's in the bag?
[as his soufflé is ruined]
Jimmy:
Darn egg whites.
Edd:
You nearly scared me out of my one size fits all pajamas.
Edd:
Will you please refrain from touching me while I am eating? Thank you.
Marie:
Humph. I'll touch whenever I want buddy boy.
Edd:
But we're being constrained by the intimacy of our situation.
Eddy:
And you kiss your mother with mouth?
[as they are streaking]
Jonny2X4:
Woohoo. Feel the wind plank.
Jonny2X4:
Woah. You guys are weird.
Eddy:
Someone or something is touching everybody's stuff.
Ed:
Can I think?
Edd and Eddy:
NO!
Eddy:
We've learned into fortune!
Edd:
Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy.
Rolf:
Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser.
Rolf:
Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads for the life of a hairdresser.
[Eddy is in love with Nazz]
Eddy:
The Nazz's on the back of my Nazz are standing on Nazz...
Ed:
Hey guys?
Eddy:
What is it Ed?
Ed:
I say, the cheese is always twice the fence post.
Eddy:
I wish I had a fence post, Ed.
Ed:
Whoops, there it goes. Yup. My brain stopped.
Jimmy:
Aahh. Mother nature's attacking me.
Edd:
Even from this distance, the production values look remarkably cheap.
Rolf:
May the fleas from your cow inflame your Rhubarb.
Rolf:
May Shower Scum Devour your head?
Jonny 2x4:
Boy, Plank. Ever feel as though you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?
Eddy:
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If you can't beat 'em, show off.
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Ed:
Service is my middle toe.
Ed:
I am one with my shoe size, Eddy.
Ed:
Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?
Eddy:
No, skunk pits, it isn't.
[repeated line]
Ed:
GRAVY.
Ed:
[as Ed spies a cloud] Mmmm, cotton gravy!
Edd:
Ed, you put that back. You don't know where it's been.
Ed:
Oh, it's right here, Double D.
Ed:
Eddy, how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?
Edd:
[pretending to be Ed] Gravy!
Ed:
Come on, Double-D. I don't say "gravy" all the time.
Edd:
Buttered toast, then
Rolf:
Away with you, protuberance of the flesh!
Jonny2X4:
[reading to Plank] How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck... Oh my!
Eddy:
Wa... wa... wa... wa... wa... wa... water!
Edd:
H2o please.
Ed:
Gravy!
Eddy:
We're stuck here with two girls and a Jimmy.
Ed:
What a tree bark.
Eddy:
Sap, Ed. Sap.
[Ed runs into a tree]
Ed:
That wasn't you Sara.
Ed:
One plus one equals one on a bun.
Edd:
Why are Eddy's clothes lying on the floor? Is he running around naked again?
Ed:
Am I the last human? I am alone. I AM HUNGRY.
Edd:
Ed, wait, I can make you a sandwich.
[Ed, Edd, and Eddy are left behind in a basement]
Rolf:
Are they from this planet?
Kevin:
Nope. They're from the land of the dorks.
Ed:
Oh my liver. Oh my lasagna.
Edd:
Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ.
Ed:
It isn't?
Ed:
I found some grass.
Eddy:
Woop dee doo, Ed.
Edd:
Hello... oh... uh... I was going to-.
Marie:
Ask me on a date?
May:
Sweep me off my feet?
Lee:
Stand in line girls.
Edd:
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Oh... yes... uh... could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?
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Marie:
He wants to share condiments.
May:
We're so alike.
Marie:
[hitting May] Back off bowser.
Lee:
Marie. Grab him before her runs away.
Edd:
[hugged by all 3 girls] Ladies please...
May:
We're ladies.
Lee:
He said please.
Marie:
Lets kiss him.
Edd:
Kiss? No. Not that.
Eddy:
What happened to the stairs?
Ed:
My parents took them away because I am grounded.
Edd:
That's disturbing.
Eddy:
My brother told me that chicks are only moved by one thing - cash.
Edd:
That is so superficial, Eddy. Female admirers want meaningful things like sincerity, respect and good grooming.
Ed:
And potato chips.
Eddy:
How could you be so stupid?
Ed:
I watch cartoons, Eddy.
Ed:
[after making Sarah's room a mess] Oh no. When Sarah finds out she'll tell mom and mom'll tell dad and he'll say, "Not now, I just got home from work."
[smashing his head on the ground]
Ed:
I'm a woodpecker. Except with dirt.
[Eddy's attempt at an apology]
Eddy:
Here, Rolf. I'm sorry I hurt your whatever.
Ed:
But I am grounded, Eddy. I have been a bad boy.
[Edd and Eddy consult Jonny 2X4 on Ed's imaginary friend]
Jonny2X4:
Imaginary friend? What's that?
Eddy:
[nodding head towards Plank] C'mon, you know, an *imaginary* friend?
[pause]
Jonny2X4:
Sorry, I don't know what you are talking about. Maybe Plank knows.
Eddy:
This is our expert?
Jonny2X4:
Plank says to build an invisible trap.
Eddy:
Makes sense to me. Double-D, draw up the invisible plan.
Edd:
With invisible ink?
[laughs]
Edd:
This is becoming contagious.
[after Wrecking Jimmy's Party]
Eddy:
Good luck catching us as we'll be invisible to the naked eye thanks to this baking powder vapor variant.
Rolf:
You said a mouthful.
Jonny2X4:
Plank and I want to hear a real story like Octopus's Gardens, Silver Hammers, and Mr. Kite.
Ed:
Jib said his work here was done.
Edd:
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Can we give it a rest already?
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Eddy:
Oh Ed...
Edd:
Apparently not.
Rolf:
My Papa would ridicule Rolf for the rolling of the sphere.
Eddy:
Garages are for cars, Ed.
Ed:
Why thank you.
Ed:
They say an elephant never forgets Double D, but I forget what the elephant remembered.
Jonny 2x4:
Wow China, just like in the cartoons.
[after being inside a wall in an earlier episode Ed, Edd, Eddy, Jonny 2x4, and Plank are stuck in a wad of bubble gum in Ed's basement]
Edd:
Once again, our day ends with the three of us...
Eddy:
Stuck together in some nutty way, but wait, we have a guest tonight.
Ed:
I like the way Jonny's stuck.
Jonny 2x4:
Boy, Plank, how the heck did we ever end up here? If you weren't so scared into turning into chopsticks, we'd still be in China.
Eddy:
Can somebody scrape this guy off my shoe, please?
Jimmy:
I'm a star.
Eddy:
Sumo wrestlers are revered.
Edd:
In Japan.
Eddy:
You'll have legions of fans to cater to your every whim.
Edd:
In Japan.
Ed:
[wearing a skull on his head] I am dead from the neck up!
Edd:
They're becoming amorous, Eddy.
Eddy:
What does that mean?
[Edd whispers in Eddy's ear]
Eddy:
AAAAAAH!
Eddy:
[to Jib] I'll miss you like a hernia!
Eddy:
[pretending to be Edd] Rolf said thank you! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
Eddy:
Those little twerps will be sorry they messed with THIS brainpower!
Edd:
I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Eddy.
Ed:
Oh Kevin...
Kevin:
[Grabs Ed by the lips] Sheep-skinned seat covers.
Ed:
Woah, he knew what I was gonna say!
Eddy:
Kevin's got inside information! He knows even more than you Double D.
Edd:
Oh, really. Shall we investigate?
Ed:
Double D's got a plan, Eddy!
Eddy:
But that's my shtick...
Rolf:
Do you have an invitation, overdressed Ed boy?
Eddy:
The crow caws at midnight.
Rolf:
And the cat sours the basil! Rolf would love to talk politics, but I must see your invitation.
Rolf:
Those good-for-nothings, are good for nothing!
Eddy:
Plunger Ed... Ed, plunger!... Are you counting your teeth again?
[Eddy takes Jimmy's outline, causing him to ooze into a nearby sewer]
Jimmy:
Fate has dealt a cruel hand. Darn it!
Edd:
Better to have loved and lost...
Ed:
Than lost and found!
[after being woken up by Edd]
Eddy:
Who turned off the sun?
Eddy:
You dare hit the brother of Eddy's brother?
Edd:
Let me salvage what's left of this plot.
Eddy:
Whatever... But if it works, it was my idea!
Ed:
Eddy is my ideal pal. Soft and cuddly like mashed potatoes, yum!
Edd:
Seems the student has surpassed the master.
Ed:
But better!
Ed:
I think I just thunk!
Edd:
Was that English, Ed?
Ed:
I am a whale Eddy, an endagered mammal. Hug me!
Edd:
Exposed.
Eddy:
Busted.
Ed:
Nope, can't think of a word.
Ed:
I'm smarter than a sign!
Eddy:
Double D, provoke our creation.
Edd:
Boy Eddy, provoke? Those tutoring lessons must be paying off.
Lee:
I love it when you raise your eyebrow like that.
Eddy:
Ooh, you're not getting to me Lee Kanker!
Rolf:
[taunting] Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft!
Ed:
Shush! My yeast is rising.
Edd:
Nutloaf, Ed?
Ed:
You did the brotherly thing, Double D.
Edd:
You think so, Ed?
Ed:
Think what, Double D?
[Before going to a commercial break]
Ed:
When we get back from where we are going, we will return to where we were. I know people there!
Edd:
[falls down while imitating Ed] Curse Ed's horrible posture.
Ed:
PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!
Jimmy:
Antonucci?
[the Eds jump out of Ed's basement, with the stairs removed]
Ed:
Alley-Oop!
Edd:
Gracious!
Eddy:
Geronimo!
[Eddy has just been attacked by a skunk, and Ed takes a whiff of him]
Ed:
Who stepped on a duck?
Jimmy:
There's a bright light, Sarah. A voice is calling me. Mmm, cookies.
Eddy:
Hey, where's the room going?... Where am I going?... Huh? HELP! THE STAIRCASE IS EATING ME!
[Ed jumps into a washing machine]
Ed:
Look what I found! One Eddy, and a whole bunch of doohickeys. I took it apart Double D, am I smart now?
Edd:
Let's not ask for miracles, Ed.
[Eddy pulls out a bra from a dresser drawer]
Eddy:
Woo-hoo! PG 13!
Ed:
That's my Mom's, Eddy!
Eddy:
IIIIICK!
Eddy:
Rolf why is there plastic on your furniture? To keep it fresh?
Lee:
Mom was right. Throw a man a bone and he'll mess up the carpet!
Rolf:
I love this music! It is so shiny!
Jonny2X4:
See, Plank? I told you bunnies would take over the world, AND THEY HAVE! Luckily we prepared for this day, huh, pal?
Eddy:
Ed, stop eating all the cheese!
Ed:
Cheese? Swiss.
Eddy:
Pepperoni. Italian.
Ed:
Slicer, aluminum!
Kevin:
[after Nazz asks him what he's ordering at the Ed's restaurant] I'm ordering the barf bag.
Nazz:
Where's THAT on the menu, Kevin?
Ed:
Do you smell buttered toast?
Eddy:
[has a huge hole in his stomach] Ed! Your stupid toy ate my breakfast!
Edd:
OH NO!
Eddy:
KANKERS!
Ed:
EXTREME CLOSE-UP!
Eddy:
[looking at himself in a mirror] Hey, good-lookin'!
[the mirror goes away, and Eddy chases after it]
Eddy:
Wait! I'm not done lookin'!
Ed:
[dressed as an octopus's tentacle] I am an Ed-o-pus, cuz I'm Ed!
[the Eds are dressed in a tall uniform]
Eddy:
Hello, ladies. We're doing a survey and...
Edd:
[whispers] Eddy!
Eddy:
[changes his voice] I mean, um... I'm doing a survey and...
Lee:
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Our mom's not home right now.
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Marie:
Yeah, take a hike!
Eddy:
I was wondering... how many anchors do you own?
[grins]
May:
That's stupid!
Lee:
And you look familiar!
Marie:
Are you form an informercial?
Eddy:
No... I mean, Yes, and I'm very well known, quite popular, actually. You want my autograph?
Ed:
[pops out from the legs] I'm the legs!
[the costume falls apart]
Edd:
Oh my! Exposed!
May:
It's our boyfriends!
Marie:
Eddy's such a weasel!
Lee:
Let's get 'em, girls!
Ed:
Oh no! Not me!
[starts running]
Eddy:
Run, Ed! Run!
Edd:
Listen to the sounds of the gears whirling and grinding!
Eddy:
Yeah, like my stomach.
[Jimmy gives Edd his piggy bank]
Jimmy:
Double Dee? Merry Christmas.
Edd:
Jimmy! Why thank you... but I couldn't.
Jimmy:
But it's Christmas!
Eddy:
I'll take it! Merry Christmas!
Sarah:
Hit the road, Scrooge!
Eddy:
[referring to Jonny] Does this guy sleep through the whole show?
Edd:
But Kevin wasn't in this show!
[what Ed hears during Edd's lecture]
Edd:
Blah blah, yap yap, dribble dribble dribble.
Kevin:
They're just trying to bug me... and it worked!
Rolf:
A turnip for your thoughts, Kevin?
Ed:
[imitating Eddy] I have caused discomfort, 'cause I'm Eddy HA HA HA!
[after finding a prize grabbing machine]
Jimmy:
Did it fall off a truck?
Sarah:
That's how my brother was born!
Eddy:
[while temporarily insane] Hamandeggsandbutteredtoast!
Edd:
Ed, Eddy has that insidious look again!
Ed:
Eddy should eat more vegetables.
Edd:
Ed, Eddy's getting that weird look again.
Ed:
Eddy should eat more vegetables.
Jonny2X4:
Kevin, look! I'm the bike pixie!
Jonny2X4:
Hey, guys! I'm inside my own head! Pretty weird, huh?
Ed:
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Those aren't rabbits, those are bunnies!
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Edd:
Eddy, Ed's been showing strange symptoms. I'm concerned.
Eddy:
I've been concerned about Ed since the first day I met him.
Eddy:
Ed I'd tell ya I love ya but I ain't that kinda guy!
Edd:
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Jimmy:
Sarah! Help! BUNNY ATTACK!
Sarah:
JIMMY!
Ed:
A is for Helping a friend in need. B is for Lifting Eddy and Double D. C is for Grapefruit, which I don't like one bit.
Edd:
[Duct-taping his mouth] Bad mouth! Bad!
Ed:
Tape!
Eddy:
R-E-S-P-E-E-K! Respect!
Lee:
The way to a man's heart is through his arteries. Add a little Kanker Secret Sauce... Catsup!
Ed:
My head is snoring! Make it stop!
Eddy:
Ed, do you understand a word Double Dee says?
Ed:
Pass the mustard.
Edd:
Did you eat the sun again, Eddy?
Ed:
Can you guess what I'm doing?
Eddy:
I'm getting cramped here.
Edd:
We seem to be moving, Eddy.
Eddy:
Help.
Edd:
Please assist.
Ed:
Ketchup.
Eddy:
Anybody listening?
Ed:
Just a squirt?
Edd:
Signs are meant to be read.
Ed:
[Flying with soda rushing out of his nostrils] Gassy!
Ed:
[Pops out of a cardboard doll] TV for me!
[Realizes that he's up on a light post]
Ed:
Uh... my parents moved the house, Eddy.
Jonny2X4:
[staring at Plank] You gotta blink sometime, you rascal, you.
[a flood of soda falls on him and Plank]
Jonny2X4:
Gesundheit!
Ed:
[referring to Eddy's brother] Wait till he's seen how much I've grown.
Ed:
Oh no! I spat my brain out.
Eddy:
That's too big to be your brain, Ed!
Ed:
My home is the cat's tuxedo, you guys!
Edd:
Well, this is a fine kettle of fish...
Eddy:
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If Sarah told you to go jump into a lake naked and wait for the photographs to be developed, would you do it?
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Ed:
I had socks, Eddy...
Eddy:
Where are those sponges?
Ed:
SHH! The walls are have ears, Eddy! Follow me!
Eddy:
Will you ever cease to amaze me?
Ed:
Yes, I will, Eddy!
Ed:
I'm a gymbag! WAH HAH HAH HAH!
Eddy:
Maybe if you're good, I'll clip your toenails for you!
Ed:
Oh, be still my heart...
Ed:
My fantasy come true! I AM BUTTERED TOAST!
Eddy:
Insects bug me.
Edd:
Anchovy paste. The inventor of this foul stench should have been imprisoned for the rest of his life.
Ed:
I glued a block of wood onto Jonny's foot.
Edd:
Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains? Why the suit? Why Jonny?
Eddy:
Jonny, people really like it when you say "why" all the time!
Jonny 2x4:
Really? Why? Why?
Edd:
A suit? Annoying?
Eddy:
It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
Edd:
My father wears a suit, Eddy!
Eddy:
Exactly!
Ed:
Prepare to meet your doom, buzz buzz with wings that flies!
Ed:
[Eddy has jumped on Edd's head] Is it my turn to jump on your head?
Edd:
Let's just follow Eddy, shall we, Ed.
Ed:
Follow the leader!
[jumps on Edd's Head]
Rolf:
Ranger Johnny! Why have you chosen this day to rupture Rolf's Pumpernickel?
Eddy:
It's gonna take me forever to fix all this air!
Ed:
Baby sister is sweet and cuddly, like dads bushy ear!
Eddy:
Let's go to my place and make pizza.
Edd:
I'll make the sauce.
Ed:
I'll get in the way and make a big mess.
Ed:
[after Eddy loses the election] Yay, way to lose Eddy!
Eddy:
Good thing I'm a man of the world.
Eddy:
[as he is picketing] Rolf's a jerk, ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk, ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk, ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk...
Jonny2X4:
[interrupts him] We hate brocoli!
Eddy:
[resumes picketing] .
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.. Ain't gonna work!
[the kids are playing Truth or Dare]
Jonny2X4:
Buzz, buzz, buzz off Jonny. Buzz, buzz, buzz off Jonny.
[runs into fence]
Nazz:
You shouldn't have told him to buzz off, Kevin.
Rolf:
Kevin! The Weight of the Bananas are Crushing Rolf's apples!
Edd:
By Jove, he's got it! Ed, how *did* you do that?
Ed:
Because I am a brother, and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother, and Eddy's brother is a brother to Eddy, as a brother I am.
Rolf:
Tell Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd.
Eddy:
You guys gotta trust us! How are we supposed to rip you off if you don't trust us?
Nazz:
Guys, I just found Plank without a Johnny.
[everyone is going into the alley, ignoring Eddy]
Eddy:
What could be more important than me, Master Eddy?
Ed:
Cookie dough!
Ed:
Evil soap!
[walking by with a banana in each nostril]
Ed:
Buy one get one free! Huh huh huh huh...
Ed:
Eddy, truth or dare?
Eddy:
Okay, dare, Ed.
Ed:
Okay, I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stalk like a zombie while whistling "Row Row Row Your Boat" through a car wash!
Edd:
Ed, try a more reasonable dare.
Ed:
Okay, I dare you to be Double D!
Ed:
This looks like the house from "I Was A Cotton Swab In Madame Tongue Itch's Earwax Museum: The Miniseries".
Ed:
It's the phantom of the earwax!
Jimmy:
Through the teeth and under the gums! Watch out, tummy! Here it comes!
Ed:
Hi, Kevin!
Eddy:
See that loser? That's Kevin, he's the neighborhood dork, I have to slap him every now and then just to show him who's boss!
Edd:
Eddy!
Kevin:
Neighborhood dork, huh? Hey, Double Dee you gettin this?
Eddy:
He collects underwear and gives it to the poor pretty stupid huh, bro? SLOW DOWN, KEVIN I WAS JUST KIDDING, STOP, PLEASE!
Ed:
Look at him bounce, Eddy's brother!
Edd:
Eddy are you alright?
Edd:
[The knob for the front door fell off and rolled across the floor into a hole] Please tell me that didn't happen.
Ed:
It didn't happen
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