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"My Parents Are Aliens"
(1999)
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Mel Barker:
Well, I got homework in maths, further maths and advanced further maths.
Josh Barker:
There's no one else I like. Just Tania... And I like her a lot.
Brian Johnson:
But I'm closer to me than anyone. We're practically inseparable.
Josh Barker:
Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself.
Brian Johnson:
Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...
Josh Barker:
All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't.
Brian Johnson:
Yeah, what an idiot!
Sophie-morphed-as-Mel:
Sometimes people call me Sophie. Not often.
Psychiatrist:
I see. And who is it who calls you by this other name?
Sophie-morphed-as-Mel:
No one.
Psychiatrist:
Where were you originally from?
Sophie-morphed-as-Mel:
Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.
Pete Walker:
So tomorrow's the big date.
[leaves]
Mel Barker:
Date?
Josh Barker:
Fight.
Mel Barker:
Pete wants to fight?
Josh Barker:
With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me.
Mel Barker:
But he was looking at me.
Josh Barker:
He's got a squint.
Brian Johnson:
I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to fiddle on the roof.
Brian Johnson:
Who mentioned the Head? I'm going straight to Santa! You'll be in SO much trouble!
Brian Johnson:
Everyone should have something people can remember them by, a neon sign is one of them.
Josh Barker:
[to a girl he just asked out] Don't forget to ring your blips!
Pete Walker:
[to Josh about Tania] You need an entire asteroid to hit earth and wipe out the entire human race. And after that, maybe... just maybe she'd like you.
Brian Johnson:
Cupid hath pierthed their hearths with hith arrowth.
Sophie Johnson:
Thorry?
Wendy Richardson:
[about Justin Timberlake] Entertaining - if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.
Brian Johnson:
Freaking nutcase!
Sophie Johnson:
[reading about Valentine's Day on the Galactic Guidebook] ... celebrating something called... romance.
Brian Johnson:
So it's a day of gladiatorial combat?
Lucy Barker:
Romance, not Romans!
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Brian Johnson
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:
[reading the book's spine] Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.
Mr. Whiteside:
I imagine you know why you're here.
Pete Walker:
[sadly] Yes, sir.
Josh Barker:
[stamps on Pete's foot] No, sir. He meant no, sir.
Sophie Johnson:
[her desired wedding ring] Something with gold and diamonds.
Brian Johnson:
[off-handedly] Yeah, something like that.
Sophie Johnson:
No, something *with* gold and diamonds.
Brian Johnson:
[flipping a coin] Two of hearts!
Trent Clements:
I wouldn't say I made any of this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your taste buds at gas mark delicious.
Brian Johnson:
[Brian has decided to become a knight and has telephoned a zoo in his search for a dragon to slay] Hello there, do you have any dragons? Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? ...No. Well, okay, can I chop off its head?
[short pause as person on phone talks]
Brian Johnson:
Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do *that* to yourself.
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