Dr. John Dolittle: You know how to do CPR? Rat #2: CPR? I can't even spell it! Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, give me a break. I saved your life. Rat #1: That's yesterday's news. Take a hike. You want gratitude? Get a hamster! Dr. John Dolittle: Who's this? Rodney: I'll give you a hint: I'm cute, I'm furry, and I make five hundred babies a year! Lucky: A little girl once called me "Please mommy, not him." Dr. Mark Weller: John, do me a favor. Don't ever confide in me. I'm utterly useless in these areas. I'm really a very self-absorbed man. Tiger: I just might hang myself by my underpants! I can get underpants! Well, not really. Rodney: Ooh, man - you scared the crap out of me. See? There it is. Tiger: [atop an observatory] ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short... [John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats] Tiger: ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space! Rat #2: [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill. Lucky: [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog. Tiger: Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing. Dr. John Dolittle: [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory]
Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside...
[He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate] Dr. John Dolittle: ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER. Tiger: That's it. I'm jumping. Dr. John Dolittle: Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky. Lucky: Or just him. Tiger: All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer. Lucky: Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool. Tiger: I heard that. Lucky: ...Just like his dad wanted, John Dolittle grew up to be a normal and regular guy - you know, miserable. Dr. John Dolittle: [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here! [the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside] Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway! Dr. Mark Weller: ...John, Gene has got qualms about the new proposal. Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: I'm worried that, if we let a big company like Calnet take us over, we're not gonna be us anymore. We'd be - THEM. Dr. John Dolittle: Let me explain something: THEM has the best hospitals and laboratories; and THEM is gonna pay us a very big, giant amount of money. Dr. Mark Weller: When I think about the money, I get teary... Saturday morning, we're meeting the Calnet people. Dr. John Dolittle: Whoa. I'm supposed to take my family to the country this weekend. Dr. Mark Weller: Well, don't. Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: You see, it's happening already: you're being forced to neglect your family. Dr. Mark Weller: Gene, relax. No such thing. OK, Saturday morning. And Gene - no tank tops, please. Dr. John Dolittle: ...Your daughter's turning into a little wise-ass. Lisa Dolittle: Worse. She's turning into a little YOU. Lisa Dolittle: ...There's more to this HMO deal than money. You sell, they own you. Dr. John Dolittle: Lisa, this is gonna be good for us. Lisa Dolittle: I'm so tired of that rap. It's always for US, but sometimes I don't know who US *IS!* Lisa Dolittle: [John has bought Lisa a fancy new sports car] Oh, my God! John, you didn't! Dr. John Dolittle: No, I didn't. The van's around the corner. But don't tell me you don't care about money. Maya Dolittle: [Her pet guinea pig is missing] Dad, you HAVE to find Rodney. Dr. John Dolittle: Sure, I'll find your rat. Maya Dolittle: He's a guinea pig. Dr. John Dolittle:
Whatever; they're both rodents. I'll find your rodent; I'll put down some of that sticky paper for him.