Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O. [after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability] Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game? Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you. Townie: You can do it. Cut his fucking head off. Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too. Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water. Coach Klein: Gatorade. Bobby Boucher: H2O. Coach Klein: Gatorade. Bobby Boucher: H2O. Coach Klein: [singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks. Bobby Boucher: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. Mama Boucher: You gonna lose all your fancy "fools' balls" games! And your gonna fail your big exam! Because school is? Bobby Boucher: The devil? [Mama gasps] Bobby Boucher: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in] And by the way, Mama. "Alligators" are ornery 'cause of their "Medula Oblongata"! Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs back out, then back in again] And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too! [slams door on Mama] Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I'm th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh! Greg Meaney: [Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past] Smells like you need a shower, stinky! [Meaney laughs evily] Coach Red Beaulieu: You're fired! [Red laughs evilly] Bobby Boucher: [Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh] [Bobby becomes enraged] Bobby Boucher: Stop makin' fun of me!
: Red thirty! Hut! [Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground] Coach Klein: [in amazement] Wow! Derek Wallace: Damn! Lawrence Taylor: Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don't do crack. Paco: I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain. You see, you're an inspriation, to all of us who... who weren't born handsome, and charming and cool, and and... [breaks out in tears] Bobby Boucher: Nice hit, Mama. Mama Boucher: Thanks baby. Now you go on and have some fun becomin' a man. Bobby Boucher: Look Who's on TV mama... it's the devil. Bobby Boucher: Mama, something bad happened today. Mama Boucher: [Pulls up a knife] Did somebody hurt you my boy? Coach Klein: Nice suit! Walter: Let's kick some names and take some ass. [after watching Bobby tackle a player] Paco: Look at Bobby tackle. I haven't seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana. Walter: Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot. Paco: I said Joe Mantegna. Mama Boucher: No son of mine is gonna play any foos-ball. [Upon hearing that Bobby Boucher has been benched] Townie: We suck again. Guy Grenouille: Nice going shithead. You lost us the football game. Bobby Boucher: Sorry. Will you please still be my friend? Guy Grenouille: No, Get away. Lynn Swann: You gonna add another championship trophy to the old case downstairs? Coach Red Beaulieu: That's kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. The only thing better than a crawfish dinner, is five crawfish dinners. Bobby Boucher: Excuse me ladies while I just go hang myself. Mama Boucher: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye? Bobby Boucher: No Mama, the search continues. Vicki Vallencourt: [after Bobby has gotten his test scores back] Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later. Bobby Boucher: Once again, I'm not quite sure what that means. Mama Boucher: [to Bobby
] You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama. Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like. Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass. Townie: You can do it... you can do it all night loong! Coach Klein: [after football player spits loogie in water tank] Are you all right? Bobby Boucher: I wasn't gonna do nothin', coach! Coach Klein: Well ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby. Bobby Boucher: But what about the finally tuned athletic machine? Coach Klein: I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage! Dan Fouts: The waterboy just needed some water! Brent Musburger: Wow Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself? Dan Fouts: Shut up, Brent. Mama Boucher: [after Vicki Vallencourt mentions a football game] Foos-ball? Buncha overgrown monsters man-handlin' each other... 'Member when dat man wanted you to play foos-ball, Bobby? Guy Grenouille: I don't want that loser on the team. Everybody's gonna laugh at us. Lyle Robideaux: Everybody already 'is' laughing at us. We haven't won a game since nineteen-ninetyFOUR. Coach Klein: [it's half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they're in the locker room] Anybody got an idea? [Silence] Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake? [Everybody chuckles] Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How 'bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands? [Everybody laughs] Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass? [Everybody laughs] Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher... [Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him] Bobby Boucher: [Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl do ya? [Everybody starts cheering and shouting] Casey Bugge: He poked me in the eye! Bobby Boucher: Captain Insano shows no mercy. Dan Fouts: Bobby Boucher sure knocked the poop out of him. Brent Musburger: [Looks at Dan] Poop? Bobby Boucher: [after Reading A Question About Benjamin Franklin] Ben Franklin