Shelly Krippendorf: You are pathetic. James Krippendorf: What? Shelly Krippendorf: You said we weren't doing any more of these. James Krippendorf: Oh, give me a break, I'm dying with dignity out here. Shelly Krippendorf: Why don't you try living with some? Shelly Krippendorf: Let's see... we've had the backyard circumcision, we've danced with the pigs to assure my fertility - that one really changed my life. What's the next step? Cannibalism? Hey, Mrs. O'Brien, you doing anything tonight? We're having a barbecue, wear some hot sauce! Shelly Krippendorf: I just chased poultry through my backyard, looking like Tammy Faye Bakker. You owe me! James Krippendorf: Excuse me, ah, what exactly is the older brother doing? Mickey Krippendorf: He is completing the ritual dance in which he asks the gods to protect the young boy from the many brides who will want him and his pig wealth. Veronica Micelli: Down-da-hatcha! [holds out a large bug for James Krippendorf, dressed as the Shelmikedmu Chief, to swallow] Veronica Micelli: [he chews on the bug, grimaces and swallows] James Krippendorf: [sending his children off to school] Make me proud. Come back different. Irene Harding: Children! Your biological father is here. Veronica Micelli: Professor! Come here. James Krippendorf: Oh... Tinkerbelle. President Porter: What are they called? James Krippendorf: What are they are called? They are called... [He fumbles through his papers and finds a drawing by Edmund of "Shelley Mickey Edmund"] James Krippendorf: They are called the "Shel... mick... edmu." James Krippendorf: [to his teenaged daughter] Excuse me! Who is the adult in this room?... Don't answer that! [Edmund opens the door to find Professor Micelli and a strange man] Veronica Micelli: Oh, Pumpkin, do you remember me from yesterday? I'm Veronica Micelli and I've brought this nice reporter. [Edmund slams the door in their faces] [Professor Krippendorff, with a movie camera, walks in on Mickey and Edmund, who are shirtless and painting their bodies] Mickey Krippendorf:
Hey! The Shelmickedmu do not allow their pictures taken without the ritual paint.
James Krippendorf: Nicely put... James Krippendorf: [Filming the phoney "circumcision"] Edmund, you're looking up to the gods with trepidation..."Trepidation."..."Trepidation."... You're afraid you're brother is actually going to cut your wee-wee off. [Edmund gasps] Veronica Micelli: The Shelmickedmu deal with the same problems we deal with every day: loneliness... despair... extreme sexual tension! Mrs. Tournquist: Abbey, come out of there! Abbey Tournquist: Not until I'm purified! Ruth Allen: [to her pet monkey] I'd forgotten... the stench... the chaos... the decay... oh, Po-po, we're home! Ruth Allen: [Trying to hire a guide] You. Me. Go Wasavi. James Krippendorf: Another brandy, Professor Micelli? Veronica Micelli: [drunk] I'd don't think I should. [She tilts the bottle to fill her glass] Veronica Micelli: No, just a little bit more. Veronica Micelli: [drunk] How do I stack up? James Krippendorf: Well, as the Shelmickedmu would say, "Jagga banga!" which roughly translates as, "More pigs than you can imagine." Veronica Micelli: [Storming out of the house] You can kiss my Neolithic butt! James Krippendorf: [to his father-in-law] Proud woman. I try to respect her feelings... Oh, Miss Micelli, you forgot your goat! [All of the TV store sets are tuned to the "Shelmickedmu" sex video] TV Store Customer #1: Wild jungle woman! That's what I like... TV Store Customer #2: [laughing] I'd do her. [Veronica slaps his face] TV Store Customer #2: What'd you do that for? I wasn't talking about you. Veronica Micelli: He says it's a very large and frightening country, filled with many things he thought existed only in myth. Larry Swift: And he said all of that in three syllables? Veronica Micelli: It's a very concise language, Larry. Irene Harding: Get away from me, you voodoo twit! Veronica Micelli: It's so cool to be a globe-trotting fourteen-year-old.