On a distant planet, a power hungry Leprechaun kidnaps a Dominian princess, Princess Zarina, and plans to make himself king, but not if a bu...更多>
Leprechaun: Your shrieks, my dear, provide a perfect accompaniment to this romantic evening. Dr. Mittenhand: No one leaves this ship unless I so say! Say so. Harold: May I say what an honor is is to be working with such a great genius? Dr. Mittenhand: And may I say how much I loathe and despise toadies like you? Harold: Thank you. And may I say what an honor it is to be despised by such a magnificent mind? Dr. Mittenhand: Oh, shut up. Tina: Don't get too excited, boys. On the planet Dominia, when a woman of royal blood shows you her breasts, it's a death sentence. Sticks: And what part of her anatomy is she gonna kill me with? Sticks: Man. Twenty-first century and they still can't dance. [Dolores is hanging from the catwalk] Leprechaun: Do ya like hangin' around, eh? [bashes one of her hands] Leprechaun: Well there's no future in that! Leprechaun: As Shakespeare said, shit happens. Leprechaun: [pulling a pistol and imitating John Wayne] Hold it right there, pilgrim. I'm not gonna hurt ya. Naw, I'm not gonna hurt ya. [fires gun] Leprechaun: The hell I'm not! Staff Sergeant Brooks Malloy: (After Leprechaun becomes a giant) What did you shoot him with, steroids? Staff Sergeant Brooks Malloy: I am not defensive and I will shoot anyone who says I am defensive. MSgt. Metal Head Hooker: One more thing, if I lose any more of my men, your ass is grass! That is, if you've even got an ass! Harold: I'm sorry. You have an appointment? MSgt. Metal Head Hooker: [yelling] Listen, you little pencil-neck geek, you get me the doctor now before I jerk out your teeth and shit down your throat! Harold: Thank you, I've already had my lunch. Staff Sergeant Brooks Malloy: You heard the lady, Harold, move your ass. Harold: Hey, don't touch me unless you mean it, cowboy. Harold: Dr. Mittenhand, you look... much taller in person. Dr. Mittenhand: Thank you, Harold, I'LL do the jokes. Dr. Mittenhand:
If you disobey my orders and refuse to carry them out. You will be tried for mutiny and I guarantee you, [shouts] Dr. Mittenhand: you will be shot! On the other hand, if you are successful in killing that creature. I will arrange a very generous bonus for each of you. MSgt. Metal Head Hooker: How much? Dr. Mittenhand: Say, one hundred times what you are being paid now. Sticks: I'm in. Pvt. Delores Costello: You don't think Kowalski's death was my fault, do you? MSgt. Metal Head Hooker: What do you mean? Pvt. Delores Costello: Well, I'm the one who gave him the boner and all. MSgt. Metal Head Hooker: I'm sure he would've wanted it that way. Ha, when it's my time go, I hope I'm standing tall just as he was. Danny: [Seeing Kowalski's remains after Leprechaun came out of his genitalia] Damn. 'Gonna take more than penicillin to fix that shit. Dr. Mittenhand: I am like the Wizard of Oz, am I not? Running things from behind a curtain. Only this wizard IS NOT A FAKE! Leprechaun: The path to power is often soiled with innocent blood, and I will let nothing stop me from becoming king. I'll have power and glory, and a beautiful queen to share it with. Share... Now there's a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures, leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything. I'll wed her, bed her and bury her all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding AND the funeral. Sticks: [clowning around] Lordy, Mr. Daniels, it sho' be dark in here! Danny: Laugh it up, wise guy. It won't be so funny when that little bastard shoves a laser up your ass. Sticks: Ooh. A laser up my ass? Oh. Ohh. Come on feet, don't fail me now! Princess Zarina: The King is dead. Long live the Queen. Dr. Mittenhand: [after mutating into the Spider] FLIES! I need, flies!