Eddie Izzard's routine has a loose trajectory from the beginning of the Old Testament and the creation of the world in seven days to Revelat...更多>
Eddie: My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper before him. I want to walk in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this... [Runs screaming] Eddie: AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees! Eddie: Peter was the one who said "I don't know him. I don't know him. I don't know him." cock-a-doodle-doo "Oh, HIM!" Eddie: We have toasters in this country... and they lie to us! For it has numbers from one to six and they lies to us! Eddie: What exactly is an evil giraffe? Eddie: If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a fuck off block of concrete! [Depicting the end of the Trojan War] Eddie: Goodbye! We give up! You win. We've left you a huge fuck off horse... as per usual. Eddie: I like my coffee like I like my women... in a plastic cup. Eddie: I like my women like I like my coffee... covered in beeees! Eddie: This is your pilot speaking. Welcome to flight one from here to there. We'll be flying at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet if we see anything big. My copilot today, is a flask of coffee. Eddie: Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Look, there's Rod Stewart in first class!" Eddie: The Pope is guarded by the Swiss guard who stand proudly in pajamas and funny hats. Eddie: Run! It's the clergy! Eddie: Look, it's 5 in the morning, it's just a paragraph, it will not print out, there's something, some bastard! Oh oh, there's an on-switch on the printer? Eddie: The same people who make toasters make showers. They have a turny button too, and that lies. It goes turn turn turn for hot, or turn turn turn for cold. But the only position we're interested in is in between there... and there. One nanomillimeter between extremely fucking hot, and fantastically freezing! Eddie: Eddie: And after a while Noah realized he was actually punching a baboon uhhuuhhuuhhu. Get off me!uhhuuhhuuhhu. Stop Hitting me! What do you have against Baboons I'm not punching a baboon im sawing wood for an arc. A likly story Eddie: Eddie:Izzz crazy... all the kids on vespas... no helmets... crazzy Eddie: A problem of type 2094 has occurred... what the fuck is that... what does that mean... what are the 2093 problems I skipped to get to this one? Eddie: I know one or two people have heckled, but I will kill you! Eddie:
When a bird gets sucked into an engine they call it "bird strike". It's not bird strike, it's "engine suck"!