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Robert Louis Stevenson
编剧
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Tim Curry
演员
饰Long John Sil...
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Kevin Bishop
演员
饰Jim Hawkins
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Billy Connolly
演员
饰Billy Bones
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Jennifer Saunders
演员
饰Mrs. Bluberid...
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Frank Oz
演员
饰Captain Flint
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Billy Bones:
Beware lads! Beware.
Jim Hawkins:
What, the one-legged man?
Billy Bones:
Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses an - Ahhhh!
Rizzo:
What's wrong?
Gonzo:
It just feels so weird.
Rizzo:
You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Gonzo:
Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo:
You and your hobbies.
Statler:
"Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
Waldorf:
Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
Easy Pete:
[sobbing] Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!
Walleyed Pike:
But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
Zoot:
Hey man, I can't figure out what side we're on. Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?
Floyd:
Oh, hey, man. Just play the gig. Never get involved in politics.
Animal:
Politics! Politics!
Rizzo:
Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs and sacrificed hideously before a pagan altar.
Gonzo:
Are we lucky or what?
Gonzo:
One leg, Jim, count'em, one.
Benjamina Gunn:
You left me standing at the altar.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn:
You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn:
All right. No more Ms. Nice Guy.
Rizzo:
He's some kind of a blind fiend.
Gonzo:
I believe they prefer visually challenged fiend.
Rizzo:
He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie.
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36
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[Billy Bones has apparently died]
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Rizzo:
He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!
Billy Bones:
[Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.
Gonzo:
Buy I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
[Nods at Jim]
Gonzo:
*He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
Billy Bones:
[Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim?
Jim Hawkins:
Yes, Captain?
Billy Bones:
Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!
Jim Hawkins:
Yes, Captain, what is it?
Jim Hawkins:
I'm sorry your present didn't work out.
Long John Silver:
Aww, Jim. Smollet sails by rules and laws. That's what being a captain is all about. Me, I sails by the stars.
Jim Hawkins:
Stars?
Long John Silver:
North, Jim. Find me north out there among them stars.
Jim Hawkins:
[pulls out compass] Well, that's easy...
Long John Silver:
[takes compass from Jim and holds it overboard] Ah yeah, but what if you don't have a compass?
Jim Hawkins:
Long John, please don't drop it! It was my father's. It's all I have of his. Please... please...
Long John Silver:
[hands it back] I'm sorry, lad. I were only fooling. How old were you when he died, then?
Jim Hawkins:
Seven.
Long John Silver:
I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was.
Jim Hawkins:
My father was a first mate, too!
Long John Silver:
Was he now? By the powers, what a coincidence!
[points to the night sky]
Long John Silver:
Now, Jim, that be Polaris, the North Star. Even in the China Sea, that's north.
Jim Hawkins:
[points to the star] North. Polaris. So, we must be heading southwest.
Long John Silver:
Smart as paint you are, lad! Smart as paint! Now, that gets ol' Long John to wondering: why would we be sailing southwest? The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, um, we're sailing for buried treasure... and, uh, someone on board has a map. 'Course, none of my concern, Jim. I'm just a ship's cook. Such matters are best suited to Captain Smollet. He runs this ship, not I.
Long John Silver:
Come on, Long John. You could captain this ship.
Long John Silver:
That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will.
Jim Hawkins, Long John Silver:
[laughs]
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] I look around here and I want to cry.
Rizzo:
Ah, me too.
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] I feel like the world is passing me by.
Gonzo:
It is.
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die.
Gonzo:
Oh, I hope not.
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] When I could be an explorer...
Gonzo:
Sure you could.
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] ... sailing off to distant lands...
Gonzo:
Wait! Not so fast.
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be.
Jim Hawkins, Rizzo, Gonzo:
[sung] There's got to be something better, something better...
Jim Hawkins:
[sung] There's got to be something better than this for me.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Where to, Captain Hawkins?
Jim Hawkins:
To wherever the wind may take us!
Gonzo:
Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
Rizzo:
Oh, brother! Here they go again!
Dr. Livesay:
[looking at the treasure map] Say, I know what's happening here. You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you? To dig up this treasure.
Jim Hawkins:
Yes, but we must be quiet about it.
[whisper]
Jim Hawkins:
There are pirates looking for this map.
Gonzo:
[normal voice] Yeah, and they want to KILL us for it! Isn't that exciting?
Rizzo:
I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience.
Gonzo:
Look at this! I'm taller. This is so cool; I may even have a future with the NBA!
[laughs]
Captain Abraham Smollett:
[shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them?
[Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Your finger hired the crew?
Squire Trelawney:
No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
[Holds finger to ear]
Squire Trelawney:
What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Squire Trelawney:
Exactly!
Captain Abraham Smollett:
[Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Mm-hmm...
Benjamina Gunn:
You can't hurt my frog.
Billy Bones:
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How does she bloody do that?
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[Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way]
Mrs. Bluberidge:
To the northwest dirty dishes!
Gonzo:
How does she do that?
Jim Hawkins:
Might as well start. I'll wash.
Rizzo:
I'll dry.
Gonzo:
I'll break.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
I was anticipating your whim, sir.
Gonzo:
I thought pirates had talking parrots as pets.
Long John Silver:
Talking... parrots?
Polly Lobster:
What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots, what's next - a singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?
Rizzo:
If you're going to be the cook on this ship, Mr. Silver, I am definitely going to need bigger pants.
Polly Lobster:
I could have been a lawyer, but I just had too much heart.
Clueless Morgan:
I got a lovely recipe for blackened rat.
Jim Hawkins:
That's the raging volcano? He's a frog.
Rizzo:
Hey, hey, maybe he gets hopping mad.
Jim Hawkins:
I hate my life.
Gonzo:
I hate your life, too.
Rizzo:
If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Long John Silver:
Aw, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.
Jim Hawkins:
I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now, take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again. Ever.
Jim Hawkins:
Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
Gonzo:
Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
Squire Trelawney:
Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
Rizzo:
Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
Benjamina Gunn:
[Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs] Going somewhere, John-John?
Long John Silver:
Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
Spa'am:
Hmm... we see you have boom-boom sticks... bye bye.
Long John Silver:
Upstage, lads. This is my only number.
Polly Lobster:
Give it to him.
Clueless Morgan:
(Confused) But, um, it's not even his Birthday...
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24
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Rizzo
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:
You know, the ocean. The big blue wet thing.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Big Fat Ugly Bug-Faced Baby-Eating O'Brian.
Woman:
[deep voice] Aye.
[officers stand aghast for a moment]
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Angel Marie.
Angel Marie:
[an ugly creature] Aye.
Statler:
Waldorf, you old fool! We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog.
Waldorf:
Well, it was too late to save the movie.
Gonzo:
Off to Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
Squire Trelawney:
Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
Jim Hawkins:
Really?
Squire Trelawney:
Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
[pause]
Squire Trelawney:
Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
[puts finger to his ear]
Squire Trelawney:
Oh, thank you... twice.
Rizzo:
I smell a bozo.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Boogie, boogie, boogie. I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow. Boogie!
Benjamina Gunn:
Smolly, can it be you?
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Benjamina.
Benjamina Gunn:
Hi-yah!
[Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]
Captain Abraham Smollett:
[to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
Rizzo:
[greeting rat tourists into the ship] Alright folks, have your checks made out to Rat Cruises Limited. Remember: We put the "rat" in "pirate".
Billy Bones:
[after opening sequence] Now isn't that a story worth a hearin'?
Pig Bar Patron:
It was the first dozen times we heard it.
Sailor Mug:
I'll drink to that.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
Benjamina Gunn:
Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!
Captain Abraham Smollett:
I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn:
You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
I didn't say that.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
I was just paraphrasing.
Long John Silver:
Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.
Benjamina Gunn:
Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.
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Captain Abraham Smollett
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:
Oh, no! Him too?
Benjamina Gunn:
Well, if you'd married me...!
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Well, what does that have to do with it?
Benjamina Gunn:
I'm a pig! I need commitment!
Captain Abraham Smollett:
Commitment?
[They begin to bicker madly]
Polly Lobster:
What if Clueless is right? What if it is curse-did.
Long John Silver:
I'll show you what I think of your curse, you mewling little lily-livered, toffee-hearted little wuss of a crustacean!
Billy Bones:
[in response to Gonzo's smart remark] It ain't no jokin' matter, hose nose!
Jim Hawkins:
Welcome aboard, Captain Smollet.
Mr. Samuel Erroll:
And welcome to your lady pig friend.
[Trelawney tosses brandy out the window; screams; two annoyed rats appear at the window]
Rat with Pipe:
You wanna knock it off with the booze? It's peeling the paint off of the shuffleboard court.
Mrs. Bluberidge:
[to the cow] Oh, drunk again, are ya?
Cow:
[drunkenly] Moo.
Long John Silver:
Flint hung 'em up there after he'd gullied them to mark the trail to the treasure.
Jim Hawkins:
Here you go, your bread and water for the day.
Mad Monty:
But I ordered shrimp scampi!
Long John Silver:
It's more than y'deserve y'villainous dolts!
Trelawny doorman:
The squire's in Long Neddry for the grouse season. He will return on the feast of St Lulu.
Captain Abraham Smollett:
[Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!
Captain Abraham Smollett:
[Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
Sweetums:
Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!
Captain Abraham Smollett, Mr. Samuel Erroll:
Oh.
Sweetums:
Bwa ha ha...
Blind Pew:
I sink I smell somesing burning.
Gonzo:
We'd be out searching for that treasure. Sailing the seven seas on a five-year mission. Boldly going where no man has gone before! Say, that's catchy.
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