非强力春药 (1995)

Chorus:

Children grow up, they move out! Sometimes to ridiculous places like Cincinnati, or Boise, Idaho! Then you never see them again!

Chorus Leader:

You'd think they'd at least pick up a phone!

Laius:

But is there a growing void in the Weinrib marriage?

Chorus:

We didn't say there was! We're all just speculating on possible motives! Children are serious stuff!

Greek Chorus Leader:

Don't go any further. I know what you're thinking, Lenny, and forget it!

Lenny:

I can't forget it; the thought's been put in my head.

Chorus:

Oh, cursed fate; certain thoughts are better left unthunk.

Lenny Weinrib:

Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.

Greek Chorus:

Of all human weaknesses, obsession is the most dangerous, and the silliest!

[Showing Lenny a novelty watch]

Linda:

The bishop keeps fucking her in the ass. It's a genuine antique and it keeps perfect time.

Linda:

I feel like I owe you a great fuck.

Linda:

You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie.

Linda:

Okay, so I had one guy fucking me from behind and two guys dressed as cops in my mouth and all I could think was, "I like acting. I wanna study."

Kevin:

I've had 16 fights and I won all of them but 12.

Chorus:

[referring to Oedipus] Look, here's a man who killed his father and slept with his mother.

Jocasta:

[(Oedipus' mother)] I hate to tell you what they call my son in Harlem.

Lenny Weinrib:

Adopt, what. I don't want to adopt. Not with my genes. I have award winning genes.

Max:

Who is the boss between you and mommy?

Lenny Weinrib:

Who is the boss? You have to ask that? I'm the boss. Mommy is only the decision maker.

Lenny:

I'm sure that you're a state-of-the-art fellatrix.

Linda:

37

Do you want to take a shower? Study me up close?

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Lenny:

Oh, no I've already bathed.

Kevin:

It makes my stomach sick to my stomach.

Cassandra:

I see disaster. I see catastrophe. Worse, I see lawyers!

Lenny Weinrib:

This guy's gonna put me in 27 separate Mason jars!

Greek Chorus Leader:

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Greek Chorus Leader:

The handicapped are always cranky.

Lenny:

You didn't see Schindler's List?

Kevin:

No, no... that was the one with the Jews and the, um... who were the bad guys?

Lenny:

The Nazis. The blond guys were the Nazis.

Lenny:

I'm completely superfluous.

Kevin:

Oh, you don't feel good?

Linda:

You're married, aren't you?

Lenny Weinrib:

How can you tell that?

Linda:

'Cause you got that look.

Lenny Weinrib:

What look is that?

Linda:

That look like it's been a long time since you had a great blowjob.

Chorus:

Lenny, don't be a schmuck!

[after learning that Amanda cheated on Lenny]

Greek Chorus:

Oh my God! It's more serious than we thought!

Greek Chorus Leader:

It's very serious! Her marriage to Lenny is in crisis!

Greek Chorus:

With the passage of time, even the strongest bonds become fragile!

Greek Chorus Leader:

Great, fellas, it sounds like a fortune cookie!

Greek Chorus:

Oh, Zeus! Most potent of gods! We implore thee! We need your help! Zeus! Great Zeus! Hear us! Hear us! We call out to thee!

Zeus:

Um, this is Zeus. I'm not home right now, but you can leave a message and I'll get back to you. Please start speaking at the tone.

[beep]

Greek Chorus:

Call us when you get in. We need help!

Lenny:

He's dicking around in agriculture.

Linda:

What's wrong with his dick?