Alvin Firpo: I'd like to say my 'preciation for your hospitableness. Ma Firpo: You guys are dumber than a box of hair. Bill Firpo: In the Firpo family, the man with half a brain is king. Bill Firpo: I've got a feeling you're not telling me something. Dave Firpo: Well this feeling you're getting is paranoia. Alvin Firpo: Hey, lets just go. Ed Dawson: Will you stop hovering over like bad news? Clovis Minor: What do you want me to do? Ed Dawson: Bag this stuff. Clovis Minor: All of it? Ed Dawson: No. Just what you haven't become emotionally attached to. Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Hattie Anderson: Do you really want to do this? Bill Firpo: Do what? Hattie Anderson: You know rob the bank Dave Firpo: Absolutly! We have thought this over and we've made a dession! Hattie Anderson: But on Christmas Eve, it just doesn't seem right. You're going to ruin the winter fest. Bill Firpo: The winter fest? I've got a gun and your talking about the winter fest. Well who are you? Shopkeeper: Polica! Polica! Chief Burnell: Oh shit! Shaddus Peyser: You know these two? Chief Burnell: Yeah, unfortunitly that Ed Dawson and Clovis Minor. They're two of my deputies. Ed Dawson: Hey everyone. How ya doin'? Vic Mazzucci: I won't throw her [Dave's ma] Vic Mazzucci: out the window as long as you do the right thing. Dave Firpo: All right, all right love ya too. Vic Mazzucci: [hangs up phone] [replies to ceasers question] Vic Mazzucci: He said he loves me... Shaddus Peyser: Put an APV out on that car. Chief Burnell: Oh well I've already done that. Shaddus Peyser: Good. We'll be able to track them down especially if they're heading north. Bill Firpo: [next scene with Alvin driving] Alvin, which way are we headed?
: North. Deputy Myers: Hey! Thats Timmy's sleigh! Alvin Firpo: Have you seen my pez despencer? Dave Firpo: No. Shut up! Don Vito: You don't think it was those Firpo brothers, those rat bastards? Alvin Firpo: I'll never forget you Merlin. Bill Firpo: I'm tellin' ya, if I had a gun on me right now I'd go in there and take over that place. Dave Firpo: Bill, you wouldn't be angry if I were to tell you there might be guns in the trunk. Bill Firpo: Alvin pull the car over. Alvin Firpo: Wha? Bill Firpo: Pull it over! Bill Firpo: What are you doing? Alvin Firpo: You do what you do, I do what I do. Bill Firpo: Well. That enhances my state of security. [singing to himself in the car] Alvin Firpo: You do what you do and I do what I do... you do what you do and I do what I do, I'm Alvin, and you're Bill. [Bill walks by and kicks the car, annoyed] Alvin Firpo: [handing his gun to a random guy so he can steal his scrapple] Hold that? Mmm... yeah, scrapple. A little salt never hurt anybody. Bill Firpo: What are you doing? Alvin Firpo: I'm eatin' scrapple. It's got scallions. Alvin Firpo: [driving away from Bill, Dave, and the car accidents he just caused] You want a piece of that? Kiss my ass. Bill Firpo: Which direction are we going? Alvin Firpo: North. Bill Firpo: Are you sure? I thought we passed that farmhouse earlier. Dave Firpo: No, those farmhouses all look alike... Bill Firpo: Alvin, if we're going in circles, I'm going to break your neck. Alvin Firpo: We're not. I took four lefts, just like the map said. Bill Firpo: FOUR LEFTS IS A CIRCLE, YOU IDIOT. Bill Firpo: Where are you going? Lila: [frightened] Its a robbery. I'm going to get you money out of the cash register. Bill Firpo: I'm robbing the bank. Lila: Well the bank is across the street. Dave Firpo: Sons of bitches. Shaddus Peyser: My wife didn't let me see the thing pop up in the turkey. Bill Firpo: Our car ran off the road.