Mark and Jessie Bannister have a problem. Actually, SEVERAL problems. Namely his cousins, her sister and nephew, and the neighbours next doo...更多>
Jessie: [on the phone] I'm calling for Trenton, New Jersey. Dr. Jack Penix! WITH AN X!
Jessie Bannister: How would you murder someone? If you have a question Los Angeles... then you should just ask someone else cause I swear to God I don't know anymore. What am I talking about? HOUSEGUESTS! Houseguests from hell! Ladies and Gentlemen you listen to me, no you get that snack later, you listen to me! Lock your doors! Don't answer the phone! If you have to leave the country then leave the country but don't let them in! They may look like your mother, your father, your sister, your friend, but they're not! They're slimy! They're cockroaches! If the world was to summer a nuclear holocaust the only surviving life form would be HOUSEGUESTS! AHHHHHHHH Bernice: I need your opinion on something here. These are my favorite names for the baby so far: "Amaretta," "Caramel," or "Treblinka" Claudia: You yokel, naming your baby after a German concentration camp! Bernice: I thought Treblinka was one of those cute little fairies from Cinderella. Claudia: You moron! Bernice: I hope my water breaks all over your fur coat! Jessie Bannister: You want me to mail urine to New Jersey? Claudia: He barely knows I'm alive, he cut my allowance. Jessie Bannister: He cut her allowance, honey! Mark Bannister: To what? $9000.00 a month? Claudia: He makes me drive his old Jaguar. Jessie Bannister: Now Claudia, some people have worse problems. Claudia: Like Who? Jessie Bannister: Like people who don't have cars. Claudia: Who cares about them! Bernice: Don't worry about me having dinner, I'll just lick the crumbs off my filthy sheets! Wes: What is this? [Picks something off of Mark's suit jacket] Wes: Is this cat hair? Mark Bannister: It's Felix the Rat. Wes: When do you get rid of these people? Mark Bannister: Today! Katy: Did you see the elephant? C.K.: He's got diarrhea. Katy: [referring to C.K] You *are* diarrhea. Mark Bannister: [speaking to Claudia's husband Kaddir on the phone] Hi, Kaddir, "salaam" back at you. Claudia: I won't talk to him. Mark Bannister: [speaking to Claudia] He wanted to know if you were here. Claudia: Why? Mark Bannister: To let you know he canceled your credit cards. Claudia: What? That Middle Eastern maggot! He can talk to my lawyer, the nerve of that towel head! Mark Bannister: [back on the phone with Kaddir]
Oh, yes, she is very upset about your little love spat, Kaddir.
[now speaking to Claudia] Mark Bannister: He says he will forget everything if you just go home and fix dinner for him. Claudia: [shouting into the mouthpiece of the phone] Oh, grind some glass, Ayatollah! Claudia: Well, what was I supposed to think. They looked insane. Bernice: We're not insane. We're from New Jersey. Fred: Yeah, the Garden State. Kaddir: Don't you choke my cherub!