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"Saved by the Bell"
(1989)
-
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Zack:
I like school. It's just too bad classes get in the way.
Mr. Belding:
Hey, hey, hey. *What* is going *on* here?
Zack:
I like school... it's a good way to kill time between weekends.
Zack:
You know, I've finally found out the best thing about high school, once you graduate you don't have to come back.
Lisa:
I have a map of every mall from here to Tijuana.
Slater:
What, no rose for me, preppie? And I thought we were real close.
Zack:
Slater, face it. It's over.
Lisa:
If you don't get rid of Linda, I'm gonna throw her out the winda.
Jessie:
I have had it with Eric. He took my TV, my hairdryer and my room. I am in crisis.
Kelly:
You sound like you're on 'Thirtysomething.'
Lisa:
Yeah, 'I have all these problems and there's no-one ever there for me. I talk and talk and talk but no-one ever listens.'
Slater:
Wow, Lisa, I just saw you on US Gladiators. Wow, you beat up everybody, including the audience.
Lisa:
Nobody messes with Lethal Lisa.
Jessie:
If any of you sweeties dares bid on my Slater I'll hunt you down in the street like a rabid dog.
Jessie:
Your understanding of politics is limited to who won the election on 'Sesame Street'.
Lisa:
Girl, if I were Leslie I woulda slapped you until my hand hurt, and then I woulda slapped you for making it hurt.
Kelly:
Who are you?
Screech:
Oh, I'm, uh, I'm- Sinead O'Connor.
Kelly:
That's a very famous name. You have a hit song in the charts, you know...?
Screech:
Oh, uh, that's the other O'Connor. She's my niece. She learned from me.
Lisa:
You taught her everything she knows?
Screech:
Oh, that I did. Now she can clean toilets with the best of 'em.
Screech:
Once, my dad let me back his car out of the garage. Then he got mad at me.
Mr. Tuttle:
Well Screech, your father was probably just nervous.
Screech:
Well, he had a right to be - I forgot to open the garage door.
Lisa:
I hope your dad had "dork" insurance.
Mr. Belding:
Screech, you can't elope.
Screech:
Who're you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head?
Screech:
Wow, my first Hollywood party. I wonder if the Simpsons are gonna be there?
Jessie:
Slater, haven't you heard of the Women's Movement?
Slater:
Sure... 擯ut on something cute and MOVE it into the kitchen."
Mr. Belding:
Class, this is my brother... Rod Belding.
Screech:
Wow. A building with two Beldings, one of whom is balding.
Screech:
[to Zack's pet duck] So long, Becky. And remember...
[makes quack sounds]
Screech:
.
[to Zack]
Screech:
I heard Donald say that to Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Zack:
And you're screwy.
Screech:
Zack, something terrible has just happened.
Zack:
You found out "Alf" was a puppet?
Screech:
He is?
Jessie:
Slater, since we're together, I think we should share the household chores.
Slater:
Sure, you cook & I'll eat.
[Zack meets a college girl and lies about his age]
Slater:
[smiling] So what happened, Preppie? Did she turn you down?
Zack:
Guess again, my high school friend. She and I just agreed to get together and meet at "The Attic".
Screech:
Wow, the attic. That is cool. There could be bats up there.
Slater:
YOU'RE bats, screech. "The Attic" is an 'over 18' club, and Zack's only
Zack:
That may be true, Slater. But by tomorrow morning, we'll all be
Screech:
Oh no. Mom said I have to move out at I gotta look for a place.
Mr. Belding:
Zack, just because you always park your car in that same spot, does not mean it's official.
Zack:
Then make it official, just like my seat in detention.
Jessie:
You macho pig.
Slater:
Oink oink, baby.
Mr. Belding:
Zack, calm down. Just tell me who's threatening you.
Zack:
Kelly "The Killer" Kapowski.
Mr. Belding:
Kelly Kapowski?
Zack:
Yes.
Mr. Belding:
Excuse me for a minute.
[turns head to laugh]
Mr. Belding:
[still snickering] What's she gonna do? Spike you to death with a volleyball?
Mr. Belding:
[while putting on buttoned sweater] I'm taking a different approach with you, Zack.
Zack:
[Observes Belding's sweater] So you're gonna be "Mr. Rogers"?
Mr. Belding:
You're in the neighborhood.
Slater:
You are a very strange person.
Screech:
[flattered] Well, thanks for noticing.
[Zack admits to have gone into the ladies locker room]
Jessie:
You violated our privacy? That is wrong, isn't it, Slater?
Slater:
Uhhh... yeah, Preppie, you out to be ashamed of yourself. I'm disgusted.
[whispers in Zack's ear, disappointed]
Slater:
Next time, bring ME.
Zack:
Mr. Belding... quick, you gotta help me. My life is being threatened by one of your students.
Mr. Belding:
Just one? You're losing your touch.
[Jessie & Slater are at war with each other]
Mr. Belding:
I wanna know what's going on right now.
Jessie:
[pointing to Slater] Ask brillo-head, he started it.
Mr. Belding:
Well, Brillo-He - -I mean, Slater...
Screech:
Forget going to the prom. We're through.
Lisa:
Wait a minute. You're not supposed to dump me. I'M supposed to dump YOU.
Slater:
Hey, mama, wanna have a burger with a real man?
Jessie:
Sure, I'll go find one.
Slater:
What's the matter, Dad?
Slater:
My C.O. went A.W.O.L. with a G.L. from the P.X. I gotta go A.S.A.P. See ya, A.C.
Zack:
You guys sound like an eye chart.
Becky Belding:
Why don't you get me ginger ale, with a big scoop of peanut butter?
Screech:
Ah, that's my favorite combination too.
Lisa:
Well, Screech, maybe you're pregnant.
Screech:
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Lisa. I'm not even married.
Mr. Belding:
Go to class, learn something.
Screech:
Hey, ya know what, Slater? With this microscope, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rain Forest.
Slater:
If you don't get that thing out of my face, I'm gonna have the Natives come out and eat you.
[the gang rewrites the words to Screech's corny school song before they decide to sing]
Screech:
You hooligans. You demolished my song.
Lisa:
No we didn't, Screech. It still says "Bayside".
Slater:
Yeah, and we even left the words you put in: "it", "and", "the", "Bayside".
Screech:
Oh... well in that case, it's ok then.
Zack:
Lisa, you are looking lovelier than ever today.
Lisa:
Can the sweet talk. You're giving me a zit.
Kelly:
Jessie let's go to the lost and found.
Jessie:
Why?
Kelly:
Because you've lost it.
Zack:
Maybe we could sell Screech to Exxon.
Slater:
Nah, they'd never buy a geek that doesn't squeak.
Jessie:
Do you realize we haven't argued for 15 seconds?
Slater:
It was 20, shut up.
Mr. Belding:
Zack, I am not a matador so take the bull outside
[Screech is walking scrunched down near the floor]
Zack:
I'm sorry you were stuck in the file cabinet for so long.
Screech:
That's okay, just paint me blue and call me a Smurf.
Mr. Dewey:
I don't believe it and I don't care. I'm tired, I have a toothache, and I have to go home and pump iron.
Jessie:
I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so, I'm so... scared!
Kelly:
[talking about Slater's dancing] Wow Slater that was hot!
Zack:
Ha ha. Are you kidding? I moved better last summer when a bee flew in my shorts.
Kelly:
What happened to you?
Lisa:
I kicked the TV and sprained my ankle.
Jessie:
Why?
Lisa:
I was watching the new Revlon commercial and they discontinued my nail polish.
Louise:
Would you ever go steady with a guy named Moose?
Lisa:
Why not, you could always hang your coat on his antlers.
Lisa:
Some people get a little strange when it's time to see Nurse Butcher.
Jessie:
Not me, I'm in perfect health. I eat properly, exercise daily, get the right amount of rest.
Slater:
You sound like a commercial for oat bran.
Lisa:
What's wrong Kelly?
Kelly:
Men, especially Zack Morris.
Slater:
Hey, don't judge us by our worst specimen.
Zack:
This week is our Geometry midterm. Hey, I'm not worried, I always sit next to smart nerds.
Jessie:
Eh, I hate coffee. Suzy, can I have another cup please?
Zack:
So why are you drinking it?
Screech:
What else is she gonna do with the coffee Zack?
Zack:
Use your head as a donut and dunk you in it.
Screech:
No way, my head would never fit in the cup.
Slater:
[talking to Jessie] Guys are great at math. It's just a shame you weren't born a man.
Jessie:
Yeah, it's a shame you weren't born one either.
Mr. Dewey:
[telling grades for a quiz] Kelly B+, Lisa B+, Jessie C.
Jessie:
C, C?
Mr Dewey:
Si, senorita, but this is geometry, not Spanish.
Kelly:
[after Jessie storms off in a fit, a group of students are looking at her] She's my friend... but not my best friend. Actually, I hardly even know her.
[repeated line]
Screech:
[to Zack ] Hello, buuuuuuuddy!
[taping of "Don't Do Drugs" commercial]
Kelly:
Dumb.
Slater:
Stupid.
Lisa:
Crazy.
Jessie:
Dangerous
Screech:
Stinks.
Slater:
[Jessie is taking caffeine pills] Those pills are dangerous.
Jessie:
Yeah, well, so's geometry!
Screech:
[Kelly has just stormed away from Zack] I'm leaving, too! I'll send for my ant farm.
Lisa:
Screech, would you like to rejoin the human race?
Screech:
You always said I wasn't a member.
Lisa:
I'll sneak you in.
Kelly:
I had a wonderful time, Zack. That movie really got to me.
Zack:
You're the only one who cried when Ernest went to jail.
Screech:
Kelly! I know he asked you to go with him. Is the answer yes?
Kelly:
Well, you can't tell Zack, but
[shakes head yes]
Screech:
Oh, my! What a moment! What a thrill! First the Berlin Wall comes down, then the Brady Bunch comes back, and now Zack and Kelly are going steady!
Kelly:
[Kelly is talking about choosing between Zack and Slater] Guys, this is hard. It's like choosing between two great pieces of chocolate.
Zack:
Sorry Kelly, from now on, you can only get zits from one of us.
Mr. Belding:
[Mr. Belding just signed a detention slip for Zack] So, this makes nine, and 10 is...
Zack:
Don't say it, sir.
Mr. Belding:
That's right, suspension! It's gonna happen, Morris.
Zack:
Not until cows give Pepsi, sir.
Kelly:
Why aren't you at the prom?
Zack:
Oh, is that tonight? Gosh, I must have forgotten?
Kelly:
There must have been 100 girls who would love to go with you.
Zack:
Actually
Zack:
Kelly dumped me.
Slater:
Is that what you think?
Zack:
Yeah, I mean every time I call, her mother says she's washing her hair. I mean who washes their hair six times a day?
Slater:
You do.
Jessie:
[Jessie and Slater are looking for music for the prom] I can't believe you like these tapes.
Slater:
Hey, what's wrong with Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson?
Jessie:
Their music doesn't say anything.
Slater:
Did you ever see them move? They're saying plenty, baby.
Mr. Belding:
Now Zack, I know that you and Lisa are in charge of decorations, but this year's theme is not going to be
[holds up a banner]
Mr. Belding:
"Zack and Kelly's Prom".
Kelly:
Is something wrong?
Mr. Frank Kapowski:
Afraid so. World peace broke out.
Kelly:
That's good isn't it?
Mr. Frank Kapowski:
For the world, yes, but not if you work at a defense plant.
Screech:
Will you go to the prom with me?
Lisa:
Yeah, I'll go.
Screech:
You will!
Lisa:
I'll go with you when worms have ears.
Kelly:
[Kelly is talking about choosing between Zack and Slater] Kelly: Guys, this is hard. It's like choosing between two great pieces of chocolate.
Zack:
Sorry Kelly, from now on, you can only get zits from one of us.
Kelly:
[Lisa hands Kelly and Jessie bracelets] Here guys, these are for you.
Kelly:
Gee Thanks.
Jessie:
These are nice.
Lisa:
I made these friendship bracelets in Fashion Club.
Screech:
Did you make one for me?
Lisa:
For you, I'm making a friendship muzzle.
Screech:
I'm speechless.
Lisa:
That's the idea.
Mr. Belding:
I am fed up with your wisecracks. I'm giving you a month's worth of Saturday detention.
Zack:
Four Saturdays?
Mr. Belding:
Uh-uh, 30 Saturdays.
Zack:
30 Saturdays? Sir, can we negotiate? Hey I'll wash your car.
Mr. Belding:
The last time you washed my car, you flooded the inside.
Zack:
Car pool, sir.
Alan Fairbanks:
Why should I join the cadet corp?
Zack:
Because the new Army serves cake at every meal.
Alan Fairbanks:
Slice me in!
Zack:
[Talking about bringing back the school's old radio station with Mr. Belding] Sir, we'd like to put KKTY back on the air.
Mr. Belding:
What?
Screech:
[slowly] We... would... like... to
Mr. Belding:
I heard you!
Lisa:
[Talking about Slater's sport's broadcast on the radio] Do you think we should be honest and tell him he stinks?
Jessie:
How can we without hurting his feelings?
Screech:
Why don't we just wave a skunk in front of him?
Zack:
[Screech brings Zack to the school old radio station in the basement of the school] Hey, Screech, I thought I knew every hiding place in this school. How did you find it?
Screech:
Oh, a bully dumped me down the garbage chute. Someday I'm gonna get even with that girl.
Screech:
You girls are lucky; wait 'til you see me in a wet t-shirt.
Lisa:
Only if it involves you drowning.
Zack:
Jessie, don't be ridiculous, there are a lot of guys who are taller than you.
Jessie:
Oh really? Name one
Zack:
Karim Abdul-Jabbar?
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